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Post by Laurasia on Aug 5, 2011 17:39:11 GMT -5
Hi Pixarfan. In some ways yes & in some ways no. My handwriting is still atrocious though! LOL! The top parts of my writing are still rather "lightning boltish" like Hans' was, but the rest of my writing is much more rounded than his was. If I don't take my time when writing it all still stays pretty mashed together & illegible like his though.  You've made me think though that it could be interesting to properly analyze my own handwriting nowadays & see just how much of it is still the same. Sincerely, Laurasia |
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Post by Laurasia on Aug 8, 2011 16:34:53 GMT -5
"Double Date With Friend"While I usually try to post my recollections in the order that I've received them, I simply HAD to share this recollection with everyone. I had received a glimpse of it a couple of days ago, but finally had the full recollection last night.We are in a restaurant/lounge, seated at a rectangular table on the right-hand side of a lengthy dining room. There are also tables along the left-hand wall. The girls are seated with their backs to the wall while our backs are facing the rest of the room. (This is strange for Hans, as he generally likes to keep the entrances in his view most of the time. So that shows me that he is relaxed.) I am wearing a dark suit of either navy blue or black. It has 3 small buttons on each cuff & my white undershirt has gold cufflinks that I am proud of. (Perhaps they are new?) I wear my party pin on the pocket of my jacket. (This is odd, since Hans usually wore his party pin on his jacket lapel like most other men.) My tie matches my jacket, as do my slacks. My shoes are shiny & black. My SS ring is on my ringfinger. My friend if wearing a light grey suit that is very similar to my own, expect for the color. His hair is yellow-blonde & curlier than mine. He also has a much more square-shaped jaw then I do. His date is a redheaded woman. Her hair is just past her shoulders & is "Shirley Temple" curled with a simple barrette holding the left side back behind her ear. She is wearing a white dress with small pink & green flowers throughout. She also wears white gloves with lacey green trim & a matching green clutch. I can't help but notice how the bright, "spring" green clashes with her flaming red hair. If it were a draker, earthier green it would be fine, but not this light & airy green. Anna is sitting across from me & is wearing a dark blue dress with tiny white dots, along with a black clutch & lace-trimmed black gloves. She also has a small decorative black hat (nowadays in England they call them "fascinators") on her head. Her blonde hair is half up & her bangs are curled around her face. The length of her hair is curled as well. It is after we have eaten. My friend & I are drinking whiskeys (though we are not drunk...yet ) & the girls are drinking coffee. We are chattering away quite happily really. My friend starts talking about something that he had done while he & I were serving out of the country, only he was embellishing it greatly. This made me break out into a loud gaffaw & a very wide smile as I teased him about the discrepancies. It was a truly great & relaxing night. I believe that we were in Berlin. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Aug 10, 2011 17:28:56 GMT -5
I am SO happy that you have finally remembered that you smiled and laughed.. LMAO! Seriously, I am glad that you had a pleasant recollection for once..one that didn't involve death or depression.  |
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Post by Laurasia on Nov 9, 2011 17:36:30 GMT -5
"My Time With German Prostitutes"
I recall playing games with some of the other men...the prize being private time with one of the German prostitutes from the brothel. (Not that any of us officers needed permission or to "win" such a thing, but I think that we were just amusing ourselves.)
Whenever I won, however, I put the woman to a very different use than would be expected. I always had them cook for me....genuine, home-cooked German meals. I remember enduring a lot of teasing & such due to the fact that I staunchily refused to bed any women (or use the Lebensborn houses) because I had Anna waiting back home for me. When I was younger this teasing was near-constant & quite open. But as I got older, was promoted higher, & became less stable such teasing was mostly done behind my back. There were very few people who were close enough to me to get away with such antics. And those who could definitely knew when to stop.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Leutnantzursee on Nov 10, 2011 7:16:41 GMT -5
Sorry this is such a huge thread, i think it would take me days to read all the comments! But I did read your intro and your account of when you visited the holocaust museum. The above comment is kind of sweet I think:-) Its nice that he honoured his wife that way and didn't make the most of 'perks' that were clearly there for the taking among the SS elite. It is so odd the dualism of such personalities, that's one of the things that fascinates me and trying to find that part of such a man that surely wasn't a monster - he did love his wife and if you had kids, I'm sure you took good care of them too. What is it that would make a good soul do such terrible things? Maybe in part its a human ability to shut down empathy and compassion, the fear of reprisal when disobeying orders? Its not the same as the out and out psychos who obviously actually enjoyed killing and maiming, I'm assuming Hans wasn't one of them?
OMG - about your trip to the holocaust museum as a kid *widens eyes*! Did you feel shocked by your own reactions? Anything to do with it, fills me with abject horror and disgust, I actually find it close to impossible to even look at anything to do with it. I get the impression that by the time Emil died, he'd worked out Nazism was a crock of sh** . Right now I feel such rage towards those in power then, they lied so much, I believed I was a part of something good and noble, something wonderful and to discover how dark it was...well, to be honest, its hard to say how I feel right now, pretty lousy:-( But anyway, I need to feel these repressed feelings and it helps to talk it through:-)
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Post by Laurasia on Nov 15, 2011 17:50:36 GMT -5
Hi Lizzie. Oh I know this thread is huge. It was one of the first made on the forum after all. Please do take the time to read it bit by bit though(as time permits of course) as it will help you to understand the many facets of Hans better. Sadly Hans & Anna were never able to officially marry before the war ended. They should have been married, but Hans insisted on waiting until after he was "out of hell" & back in Germany. Unfortunately Hans was "too good at his job" & kept being re-assigned to Poland or the Einsatgruppen units. Anna was expecting their first children (twins) when she died at the end of the war, but they had not been born yet. And you are right, Hans did not relish the killing. He was an anti-Semite in that he wanted "inferiors" removed from his & his families culture, economy, etc. To that end he was all for deportation or keeping them in work camps. However it was made quite plain to him that if he refused to kill the "enemies of the Reich" that he would be shot himself & left nameless in a body pit with them. He chose himself over them. It cost him his peace of mind, his connection to God, his family, his sanity, & finally his life....but that was the choice that he made. Hans also believed that what they were doing was for the "greater good" of the Reich, but the reality of the situation was a stark, cold slap in the face. So I can completely understand your feelings of disillusion with the Reich, I deal with those feelings myself still. But Hans' instinct for himself & his family to survive was too strong for him to do anything else. Oh yes! When I was finally escorted from the Holocaust museum & was by myself in the schoolbus "my" mind (meaning my current lifetimes frame of mind) waa able to come back through completely & I was left absolutely bewildered by my words & actions in the museum. I was only 10 years old though so thinking about such things didn't hold much interest for me....yet. Sincerely, Laurasia |
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Post by Laurasia on Nov 29, 2011 13:59:50 GMT -5
The Receiving Ramp At Chelmno
I recalled this while listening to track #1 of my Dr. Woolger guided meditation CD.
I am standing on an elevated ramp at a train station. At the bottom of the ramp is where the train cars are emptied. A steamer train pulls up & a freight car full of people is hurriedly emptied onto the ramp below by SS men of various ranks. I am standing next to another blonde-haired officer & there are a few more officers further down the ramp. I am wearing my leather great coat (instead of the grey woolen one) along with black golves. It has a possibly fur collar which is dark in color. (The recollection itself is in black & white so I can't be sure if the collar is black or brown.) I and the other officer are both smoking & chatting casually as the people are roughly & loudly unloaded. Once they are all gathered at the bottom of the ramp & anxiously waiting to hear from me (as it is obvious that that is what everyone is gathering for) I take a final long draw from my cigarrette before flicking it onto the snow.
I proceed to welcome everyone & introduce myself. As I proceed my conscious mind registers the word "arbeit" & I realize that this must be one of my infamous "welcome to the camp...if you work hard...etc" speeches.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Leutnantzursee on Dec 10, 2011 1:24:36 GMT -5
Hi Laurasia - sorry, I didn't spot your reply until today:-) I think most of us didn't relish the killing, that's the irony of it all, I certainly never have felt in this lifetime any enmity towards the allies, now I thank God we didn't win and feel actually relieved when I think about it. I don't think even back then I felt hatred for the British seaman that I must have been instrumental in destroying, I feel a lot of respect for the enemy, yet now I feel more so the bitterness of being on the losing side and learning just how corrupt the dream was.
How sad that you never lived to see your kids born, but I gather you and Ana are back together, that must be a big comfort and clearly you're those kind of soul mates we all dream of finding for ourselves:-) I can't help but wonder how antisemitism rested with my PL, after all in the previous life I was Jewish! I think a lot of us just wanted to shut it out, we hoped you guys were doing whatever you had to do, and no doubt thought that was simply deportation. I think at least in our current lifetimes most of us feel moved to stand against corruption wherever we see it. I do think in order to really move away from darkness you have to understand it, you have to know on an instinctive soul level that something is bad, before you feel compelled to stand against it. Again, it seems fitting that so many of us have come back as minorities in this lifetime, its even made me wonder if any famous black and gay rights activists were Nazis in their previous lives, or celebs for that matter! it's like the soul NEEDS to adjust the balance badly, to maybe put out light when before they exuded darkness and cowardice.
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gwida
Full Member
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Post by gwida on Dec 10, 2011 2:23:07 GMT -5
I'm happy for you two -- Laurasia and Mrs Bothmann. You two have had such an amazing opportunity to work things out in this lifetime. I wish you two all the best for many lifetimes more. Damn now that just makes me feel confused about myself!  I've had Jewish blood in me since my second human incarnation, and (once again) I'm... well half-blonde half brown haired and blue-eyed in this lifetime. I've still got heaps of Slavic blood in me, but I ain't religious at all (maybe a PL carry-over...?) I think I'm still trying to get over those really nasty comments you see all over the place especially: "That guy is an a**hole! He MUST be a Jew!" -- I just think to myself: "Well, what does Judaism and being nasty have to do with each other? Anyone from any race or background can be an absolute dick." Every single time I hear comments like that I almost wish I was from an entire race entirely, LOL! But hey, I seem to choose this path repeatedly for a reason... XD |
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Post by Leutnantzursee on Dec 10, 2011 19:37:30 GMT -5
Amen to that Gwida - my sentiments entirely! There's only two sorts of people in this world, irrespective of race, creed or colour - d**kheads and basically decent people!lol
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Post by Laurasia on Dec 12, 2011 14:36:41 GMT -5
Thank you for the kind words about myself & Miss Bothmann, Gwida & Liz. We have, indeed, spent the vast majority of our incarnations together & will likely always do so. ;D And I DEFINITELY agree with your sentiments Gwida. Miss Bothmann & I have been dealing with such unprovoked prejudice towards others amongst some of our co-workers lately & it has been very difficult to stay cordial with them to say the least. I also agree with your sentiments, Liz, about many former Nazis having such a strong draw towards balancing our former darkness with light in various ways. And yes, I also have suspicions about some well-known people having been incarnated during the Holocaust on one side or the other. Sincerely, Laurasia |
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Post by Laurasia on Dec 12, 2011 16:58:23 GMT -5
Changing Einsatz Decision Meditation
NOTE: This is NOT an actual recollection, but rather an exercise designed to help resolve certain issues. I did this meditation via track #2 of my Dr. Woolger CD.
I found myself back in my remorseful recollection feeling sick, disgusted & withdrawn as I drink & smoke while watching the rest of my Einsatz unit party after an Aktion. I was instructed to allow myself to be completely immersed in the "stopped up feeling" & to move the image to when I had initially been unable to express myself.
The image then shifted to one of me & my unit in the middle of the woods with gunfire going off repeatedly a short distance away. My commander has just made clear to me what would happen if I refused to follow orders....I will be murdered & left nameless in a body pit.
I am then instructed to remember that none of these people or circumstances can hurt me now & to "play the movie" not as it actually occured but rather with myself expressing what i feel & doing whatever I need to do in order to follow my own will.
Therefore, I argue with my commander. Saying that I will not shoot unarmed woman & children, especially, & that I am going back home to Berlin. When he tries to have me shot I take out the members of the unit who try to follow his order to kill me. I then go home to Berlin & Anna. I take a job as a Gestapo detective with the city & we have a beautiful blonde-haired little boy. In the end he joins the HJ & I become the Security Chief for the city of Berlin with a nice office job at the SS/SD headquarters in the city.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Laurasia on Dec 14, 2011 13:17:35 GMT -5
Hi Iseke. It really is a great CD. It came with Dr. Woolger's book "Healing Your Past Lives" (there is a link to the book in the reincarnation books list within the Reincarnation Resources board of the site). It really is a good CD with some rather helpful meditation exercises....& such things don't usually work that well for me at all. Sincerely, Laurasia |
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Post by Leutnantzursee on Dec 14, 2011 21:54:34 GMT -5
That sounds like a good book Laurasia, I will have to check it out for myself:-) I've not done any meditation or any work really with my PL, only those regressions in the summer. I'm surprised I wasn't inundated with dreams following it to be honest, but I think maybe it was one of those PL's that I very distinctly had erased before incarnating. It must be hard to see those images, and I certainly get a feeling about those times and situations, rather than actual memories. I guess in the new year I'll bite the bullet and look into it more fully then report back to you guys:-)
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