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Post by msmir on Dec 28, 2010 1:05:42 GMT -5
Aww glad we are here for you to do that.
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Post by Laurasia on Jan 20, 2011 12:17:58 GMT -5
Early Camp With Suspected Jew
(This recollection came via a dream & I believe that the camp was Mauthausen in Austria.)
This prisoners are wearing grey striped uniforms with matching flat caps & numbers on their chests. They are lined up in front of our group of camp guards. We are doing selections for work detail in the stone quarry.
The Camp Commandant is with us wearing his full uniform & hat. Off to the left & behind us is a group of 9 new camp men. They are wearing brown-shirted uniforms for some reason. I immediately take notice of one in the back row. He has curly black hair, a bulbous nose, & a doughy face. He was said to be Finnish. I speak in a low voice to the Commandant & explain that I do not assume to know more than my superiors or mean to seem disrespectful to them, but...had anyone checked the man's background? He didn't look Finnish, he looked Jewish. My Commandant took notice & agreed that he would have to make some calls & check.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by msmir on Jan 20, 2011 23:09:47 GMT -5
I remember you telling me about this, do you recall on anything that you found out?
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Post by Laurasia on Jan 23, 2011 13:47:18 GMT -5
Hi Mir.
No, I have not had any other recollections concerning this man. I have wondered as well if I had been right or what had happened after this, but I have yet to recall anything else.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Jan 23, 2011 20:47:28 GMT -5
Interesting Laur. Also, I am so happy for you that you actually got a recollection in a dream...and remembered it LOL!  |
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Post by Laurasia on Jan 25, 2011 15:04:11 GMT -5
Rally With Anna
(After having this recollection, my partner confirmed that she had recalled the same rally with Hans months before I had this recollection without telling me of it. Hers, however, did not carry on as long as my own recollection had.)
We were standing with a large group of people (everyone was formed as though in phalanxes) watching the Fuhrer give a speech. By the size of the gathering, the level of excitement, & the fact that all of us men were in uniform I am assuming that this was probably one of the Nurumberg Rallies.
There was one guy in the row ahead of us that was really irking me. Throughout the Fuhrer's speech he kept turning & looking at Anna - who was on my left. I was getting really irritated. The little sh*t was supposed to be paying attention to the Fuhrer, at least out of respect.
Once the Fuhrer finished we all relaxed a bit while waiting for someone else (I believe that it was Goebbels) to speak. I lit a cigarette & asked Anna if she was okay & enjoying herself. She was. She was wearing a shirt jacket over her dress. Beautiful.
One of the other guys in our group started making small talk with me as I smoked my cigarette. Something about how bad things had been with the rationing & such. Yeah right! I wish petty sh*t like rationing was all that we had to worry about. I wondered if whoever was speaking next was ever going to start.
Suddenly I notice that the little pissant in front of us has actually turned around & is trying to converse with Anna. He has two bars on his black lapel - just above a private! With contempt I take one last, long drag off of my cigarette & then flick it at his unifrom jacket. He swats at it & starts hopping around like the Easter Bunny. I pull Anna towards me to make my point crystal clear. The guy is hopping around & making such a ruckus - which has some amused & others annoyed - that guards have to come & remove him for disrupting the rally. That brings an amused smile to my face.
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by msmir on Jan 30, 2011 1:56:58 GMT -5
HAHA the Easter bunny guy, I remember that. What a fool he made of himself |
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Feb 3, 2011 21:53:14 GMT -5
LMAO!! That is the funniest recollection that I have ever had from ANY past life. |
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Post by Laurasia on Feb 11, 2011 15:10:05 GMT -5
Warning! This post may be disturbing to some members!
Remorseful Recollection
(This recollection came via a dream.)
I (Hans) was in a some sort of lounge or hall with the rest of my Einsatzgruppe unit. We were all drinking. Some were eating, & most were partying with the plentiful female dancers that were there.
I recall just sitting there drinking & watching the men around me in wonder. Today had been bad. The woman, the children...unarmed, passive. What threat had they been again? They could have been put to work somewhere, I was sure.
All they did was cry. Some pled in their own tongues. I couldn't understand the words, but I still understood the meaning. None of that mattered though, we had been told quite plainly what had to be done. Even if we ourselves couldn't totally understand it. I had also been very aware of my commanders taking a strong interest in me. Now is not the time to waver. It's just too easy to get left behind. Either stuck for God-knows-how-long at some sh*t post or in the middle of a body pit. They have there ways of persuasion. They tell us that it is them against Germany - which we all know & understand on a wider scale. But out here it is different...It's not Jew or Germany, it's Jew or you. That's the reality that us Germans not in the pleasant nest of Berlin live with. The Jew or you.
I've worked too hard to die for anyone, especially a Jew or Ivan. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. Someone else would just step up & take your place - we all know that. So you steel yourself for what needs to be done & do it.
Perhaps it will get easier after time. Perhaps the feeling of "me or you" really will be replaced with "Germany or you". I don't know, I just hope. I don't know how they can eat & party. I just want a bottle & a dark, quiet corner for now. The next order will come soon enough, I'm sure. They can keep their damned woman, just keep sending the booze.
(I awoke from this dream ready to throw up. When I finally fell back to sleep I went right back into this dream & again awoke nauseous.)
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Laurasia on Feb 23, 2011 18:21:03 GMT -5
Train Recollection/Automatic Writing Session
(This recollection is most likely from the time when Hans was assigned to his second tour with the Einsatzgruppe units. I conducted an auntomatic writing session with Hans after having it. I have included the questions & responses received from that session as well.)
I am riding on a train to go back out East with some of my men & some new, younger men. The new men are excited about their chance to "rid the world of swine". I, & some of my older men, are simply gazing out of the windows while they sing & carouse together in ignorance of what's to come for them.
I am angry. I keep my uniform jacket on even though the younger men have all removed theirs. Alcohol is redily available & consumed. I smoke & stare out the window. While I'm flattered to be entrusted to lead these men, I should be retired - at least from such work. I need to be home...most of my men do. These smart-assed kids have no idea of what is being asked of them. How I'd love to punch the one in the glasses who thinks that my job is so great & glorious. If he doesn't shut up I just may. Someone please get him another drink or something! Do not[/u] ask me about "my girl"!!!!
Just wait...I used to be exactly like you. Young, naive, eager. I'll be sure that your introduction is quick & brutal, then we'll see how glorious you think I am. How can I explain how much I hate[/u] going back to field? I hate the stone-hard coldness that must come over me. Even now I feel all of the warmth leaving me. I know that the further we get from home the less I'll feel; & the longer we stay the harder I'll become. The monster I'll become. Oh, but you'll learn you little sh*t & you'll discover the demon within you as well. I only hope that Anna will be able to melt the monster again. Everytime this must be done it becomes harder to be Hans again.
These boys don't yet know all of this, I know. I'd still like to hit him though & explain that this is not a celebration.
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Automatic Writing Q & A:
1) Name? Hans Bothmann
2) Home? Berlin
3) Girlfriend's Name? Anna
4) Where are you going on the train? Aktion (German for "action", what they called the pogroms against the Jews.)
5) When is this? Juli (German for July.)
6) What is your rank? Haupt. (Haupsturmfuhrer)
7) How do you feel? Leere (German for "alone".)
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Laurasia on Mar 3, 2011 15:54:01 GMT -5
Meeting With SS-Reichsfuhrer Himmler
(This recollection came about during a Hindu-based ritual aimed to help me connect with Hans' essence better & thus promote healing.)
Hans' essence was feeling distanced by the Indian music that I was listening to during this ritual, so I switched discs to Rammstein. This helped immensely.
Hans showed me the reason why the song "Stein Um Stein" effects me so very strongly. I had originally thought that it was reflective of how Hans felt about Anna, but it was really reflective of Hans himself. I didn't understand the connection so Hans gave me a recollection of speaking with Reichsfuhrer Himmler while getting his award after returning from his second tour with the Einsatzgruppe in Yugoslavia. Heinrich told him how he was needed to return to his camp to "help everyone finish the job".
Hans asked how that was possible since he had destroyed the camp when previously ordered to do so. Heinrich chuckled & replied for him not to worry...that the prisoners would be made to rebuild it for Hans & then he could make himself comfortable once more at his camp. Hans feigned approval & then asked if he could just get promoted up to a higher rank so that he could go back home, marry his fiance, & finally have some family time like Heinrich, Reinhard & the rest of the "big wigs". Heinrich laughed heartily at this & told Hans that he had his word that once this final stint was finished at the camp Hans would be promoted & given a "more palatable job". In the meantime Hans could go home for some relaxation & "family time" while the reconstruction got underway.
Hating to have to once more "do as he was told", but also trusting the Reichsfuhrer, Hans decided to drop the matter.
I was then thrust into what had to be right after I was caught. I was filled with the angry, anguished question of why did I always simply do as I was ordered?
Sincerely,
Laurasia
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Mar 3, 2011 19:01:01 GMT -5
That recollection of yours makes the Anna in me want to slap Himmler across the face. Seriously, though, we both got a raw deal out of that one, eh? *hugs* |
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Iseke
Full Member
Posts: 242
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Post by Iseke on Mar 3, 2011 21:40:03 GMT -5
... I was then thrust into what had to be right after I was caught. I was filled with the angry, anguished question of why did I always simply do as I was ordered?
When I first read the above quote from your blog, I was filled with so much emotion. And some of that flooded back to me reading your latest post; his realization that in his own way, he had done the same thing.
It's things like this that really drive home how complex this all was and how, while we all made choices, we were all caught up in this huge machine together... |
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Post by kapitanprien on Mar 5, 2011 17:18:52 GMT -5
That is an interesting observation Iseke. I can't say I ever really had that sort of problem Hans had - as 'Teddy' Suhren put it so well:
"In this other world [the U-Boat arm], I found waiting for me a whole set of better moral values, such as understanding, human sympathy, and even warmth."
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Post by Laurasia on Mar 9, 2011 15:25:44 GMT -5
Hi Iseke. Yes it is all VERY complex. (And even more of those complexities have recently been revealed to me.) The sheer complexity of it all is something that many people refuse to see, especially when they are reincarnated from the "other side of the war". Then again there are many reincarnated Nazis that also refuse to see such complexities & thusly fall into the same types of patterns again in their current incarnations.  None of what happened can really be pinned down to anyone person, it's all simply too big for that. The Holocaust, as whole, often seems like a quinteessential case of "collective karma" for everyone. And yes Prien, I envy you & the rest of the U-Boat staff members being able to be so seperated from all of the madness that was going on. Sincerely, Laurasia |
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