Memories of Hans Bothmann, Commandant of Chelmno

[Iseke]

Wow. I really don't know what to say, except that it was very intense to read this and I can't imagine how intense it must have been to remember it. I'm very sorry that such a harsh lifetime had to conclude with this.

And the behavior of those on the Allied side during all this is just as upsetting. How quick people are to dehumanize others always saddens me. It's terrible that they used your only strength and light against you, after all you had been through.

Anyway, thank you for sharing this extremely painful memory, and I really do hope you have been able to heal in being together again.

[Laurasia]

Thank you Iseke.

Yes it was an extremely intense recollection to have....one of the worst in fact. But, as with the rest of them, having such insight to Hans' inner workings is also invaluable to me as well.

Especially since I was the recipient of the interrogation, yeah it's disturbing to me. Then again I can understand their motivation too. I just hate when some try to act as though the Allies were so very angelic & didn't resort to behaving in any way similar to the people that they were working against. I mean they were human just like anyone else....they were outraged, sickened, &, frankly, out for revenge. Not that such things aren't understandable given what we had done...but don't pretend as though the Allied forces were above such human behavior.

Yes we have been helping each other to heal beautifully, though there have always been obvious hiccups in that as well. For example, I am FIERCELY protective of Miss Bothmann & hate to be parted from her for any length of time. I am better than I was when we were younger though.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[msmir]

*hugs* Laurasia, I understand the feelings of over protection! I really do. And no the Allies were brutal!! I knew that, as I saw "Downfall" and saw how they sort of behaved (though they did not show much really but saw the nature of it) and it sure was not pretty!

[sweetlunapie]

Oh MAN...that is pretty harsh...
Those guys were out of order...

[privatetucker]

*hugs*

Oh God, that really is so so terrible....no the Allies /definitely/ weren't angels and it always annoys me for reasons like what you described.

No matter what crimes you committed, Anna was innocent and should have never been brutalized in such a way.

I can understand the grief of losing the one you love...it's so hard to remember again. =/

[privatetucker]

Sorry about the double post...

But I'm watching this documentary, and they were talking about Chlemno. So far they didn't mention Hans (which I found strange) but they keep talking about a different guy, Lange. Did you know him, Laurasia? What was he like?

[Laurasia]

Hi Tucker.

Lange was the original Commandant of Chelmno. He is the one that I took over for when he was sent to work at the eastern front. I have had no direct memories of Lange at this point. However with my having taken over the camp when he was re-assigned, I am sure that I probably did meet him at some point.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[privatetucker]

Ohhhh, okay.

That makes a lot more sense, then. I was sitting there thinking, "Wait, what? Where the heck is Hans here?!"

[Miss Bothmann]

aww, Laurasia *hugs* You know my feelings on this recollection, as I was there with you pulling you out of it. As awful as it was, my instinct tells me that it is something that you had to remember to further yourself on your inner journey.

[euskanoravian]

I have to admit after reading this, I am glad to have perished before the war had broken out. I am having a difficult time as it is dealing with my past-life memories. I would hate to know what kind of pressure I would have been under if I had participated in the horrors. Laurasia, I simply cannot imagine how it is for you.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[Laurasia]

First Wardrobe Recollection

(This recollection came about via an exercise out of Edgar Cayce's book "You Can Remember Your Past Lives". In the exercise you put yourself into a meditative state & place yourself in a large room with nothing but an armoire. You then open the armoire & find an outfit inside that you inspect & put on. There is a question & answer section afterwards. These are my answers...)

1) What did your outfit look like?

It was a black military uniform. The boots were high-collared, black & polished. The pants were black, slightly flared at the knees & tucked into the top of the boots. A black belt, over the jacket, with a squarish/rectangular silver buckle with German writing. Pronounced buttons on the jacket. Red swastika armband on the left sleeve. A shiny, black strap across the chest from right shoulder to left hip. Decoration on top of shoulders. Decorative bars on left side of chest. A Nazi Party pin & another, larger, pin also on the left side of the chest. My lapels have two patches - The right one is the double "SS" & the left one has three studs with bars underneath them. I carry a handgun on my right hip (also black). I wear a white shirt & black tie underneath the jacket, with some sort of pin or other decoration at the throat. My hat is black, slightly pointed, with a small shiny brim. There are two greyish-silver braids around the front of the hat. There is the Nazi-eagle decoration & a skull pin on the front of the hat.

2) How did it feel?

Heavy & a bit rough.

3A) How did you look with it on?

Handsome, condfidant, responsible, authoritative.

3B) Did it differ from how you look now?

Yes. Firstly, I'm female now. I am overweight as well. I do not have the callousness that this outfit evokes however.

3C) Any finer details? (i.e. jewelry, hairstyle, fingernails, etc.)

My hair is cut short, above the ears. It is dark blonde - light brown. My eyes are blue. My nose is rather straight. I wear a silver ring on my right ring finger. (Probably my SS Honor Ring.) My nails are shirt, trimmed & clean.

4A) Did this outfit bring up feelings about yourself?

Yes, my innate superiority & authority.

4B) Do you recognize any of these as part of your current makeup?

Yes, actually. Though I lack a "position of power" in my life now - I retain a strong feeling of superiority in regards to many people on an intellectual level. I have great pride, work very hard, & work very seriously when I am put in a high-level position.

5) What were you going to do in this outfit?

Work.

6) Do you associate this outfit with anything?

The Nazi SS.

7) Any further comments?

There was also a long (mid-calf), fitted, very heavy, grey wollen trench coat-like jacket, that could be worn in place of the shorter black jacket. It, however, lacked the decorations. My feelings regarding it mirrored the rest of the outfit.

It seems as though this is a hybrid of my younger & older uniforms into one garment. I preferred the black one (my younger uniform), but it lacked the decorations & medals of my older uniform.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[euskanoravian]

Laurasia, that is very fascinating. When I am more energetic, I am going to do that same exercise.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[privatetucker]

This is such a cool exercise! I really want to try it now. ^^

And it was really interesting to hear all the details...and it got incredibly vivid--like the skull pin on the hat...that was the death's head pin/symbol, yes?

Also interesting that the outfit was black...in pictures so many of the uniforms like grey. Was there a distinction between black and grey, or am I just kinda blind and think it's grey due to the pictures of the time?

[Laurasia]

Hi Tucker.

Yes it was my Death's Head pin that I was referring to.

And yes there were two seperate uniforms...one black & one grey. I have a 2nd wardrobe recollection that I'll be posting momentarily that has the grey uniform from Hans' later days as an officer.

As I mentioned this seems to have been a mixture of my younger & older uniforms. The one from my younger days was the black uniform, but the older uniform was the one that had all of the decorations.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Laurasia]

Second Wardrobe Recollection

(In this recollection I was in a restaurant/lounge with a bunch of other men - perhaps a the dinner parties in Riga? - so my attention kept trying to wander. It was difficult to focus on myself, but this is what I could see...)

My boots are shiny, black & a bit pointed. My pants are grey & straight-legged. My over jacket is the same grey color; it ends at the groin. I wear a black belt on the outside of the jacket with a silver rectangular buckle. I wear a black hat with a Death's Head skull & one or two silver braids above the shiny, black brim. The epaulets on my collar are bars & I have some sort of decoration on top of my shoulders. There is a thin black strap across my chest which attaches to the side of my belt. My SS dagger hangs from my left hip. I wear my SS Honor Ring on my right ringfinger. On the left side of my chest are colored bars, an Iron Cross, my Nazi Party pin & some other decorations that were too blurry to recognize. I also have a diamond-shaped patch above my left wrist.

(The diamond-shaped patch was most likely an SD patch.)

Sincerely,
Laurasia