|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 12, 2010 23:24:27 GMT -5
I hope double posting is okay. If it isn't...uh...let me know. Am kind of in a memory sharing mood atm and this was just...on my mind.
----
Warning: May be upsetting/disturbing to others!!!
---
So, this originally came to me in the form of a nightmare as a child. I am not sure when it was time period wise, but it was in Birkenau (Auschwitz).
It was dark, so much so that I could only get the occasional beam of light illuminating where I was/what was going on. Probably a good thing, though on the other hand...
What I remember most was the sensations. I was huddled up in a bunk, with a bunch of other women in the barracks--they were the wooden kinds, same as the block itself. I can still see part of what I was wearing, though that would be more clear in a vision later. Wrapping my arms around myself, in the striped top, which was filthy and itchy. I don't remember if my feet were bare, though they were cold. I was, in general, cold though it wasn't as bad as the next camp I was at.
What was worse was what I was feeling all over me. The rats. God, the rats. Crawling all over me, and everyone else there. Scampering from bunk to bunk, and we were all squished together like sardines, so moving was out of the question. Not that there was any place to really go anyway. But feeling them across my skin, their little point toes and those tails...they were fat and ugly and matted...just thinking about it right now gives me the shivers.
Nasty, horrible little...eh...am I allowed to curse? Cause I would say, nasty, horrible little b*st*rds.
When I woke up, I could still feel them on my skin, and I rolled my feet under me to keep them at bay. It's probably the strongest association I have with Birkenau, though there are a few objects, too, that hold a great association to the place.
Even to this day I have a paralyzing fear of rats, to where I refuse to be near them in a pet store, even behind their cages. Mice, too, make me freak out--there was one in the kitchen once and I flipped out and started crying and wouldn't go in there for a while.
I hate them so, so much. *shivers*
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 14, 2010 16:09:06 GMT -5
Oh my...I actually like rodents, but that still sounds absolutely awful! A part of me hopes that you can't remember the smell...  Isn't it strange to go from being a little girl with a home and a family to being shoved into the barracks of a camp for really no good reason? It is so cool that you probably found that square where you had that memory! You're lucky that it wasn't bombed beyond recognition! |
|
Iseke
Full Member
Posts: 242
|
Post by Iseke on Sept 14, 2010 17:16:10 GMT -5
Wow. I had a terrible past life nightmare involving rats at my feet as well, although it was a different PL than my most recent. I totally understand the feeling of disgust and revulsion. Luckily, in my current life I am not afraid of rodents, but am paranoid about having dirty feet or untreated wounds.
Anyway, that is quite a vivid memory to have. Unfortunately it must be much more unpleasant to remember the sensations since the visuals weren't as available. My dream came to me visually, in fact, in the dream I was watching it as a news special on TV. Seeing it as a passive observer softened the blow but did not soften the amount of revulsion I felt when I woke up and realized that a deep fear of mine now was connected to that lifetime. So, how intense it must have been for you to feel the sensations!
The cold, as well: that has always struck me the most. I am intolerant to cold at all now. Do you know how old you were when this memory took place?
Thank you for sharing!
|
|
|
|
Post by euskanoravian on Sept 14, 2010 23:58:00 GMT -5
Tucker, I had not read this thread until now. What a sad memory you had, and it always has broken my heart to read how Jews, or anyone else not part of the "master race"- had to always run and hide for their lives from the Nazis. Once you start regressing memories, and no matter how it's done- whether through self- hypnosis, help with regression therapists, or mediums who work with you while you start accessing memories on your own- .you develop your own way to master retrieving soul memories. Therefore, they begin to come to you during unexpected times. One day when I am feeling better- praying it is soon, I need to post more information about my 11 year old daughter's past life as a reincarnated gypsy who died of typhus in Auschwitz--- and my step-dad who I deep down know is a reincarnated victim.
Blessed Be,
Andi
|
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 16, 2010 18:52:14 GMT -5
Blarg I still don't like this quote button, so to my usual style. XD
Luna: Thank goodness, that despite my other memories of Auschwitz and later a camp I think was Bergen-Belsen, I don't retain any memories of the smell. Otherwise it would probably make me sick. And if you don't mind me asking, what camp(s) were you in? Birkenau, too?
Iseke: Also, if you don't mind me asking, why are you afraid of having dirty feet? I also have problems with cold, but it was definitely worse in the camp I ended up in after that. That was like the air was being sucked out of your lungs and you could freeze to death kind of cold. I am not sure how old I was in that memory exactly, but I was a teenager.
Andi: I am also hoping (as I said in another thread) that you have a speedy recovery. <3 How do you know/end up realizing that your step-dad was a victim?
|
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 16, 2010 19:06:55 GMT -5
Oh, damn, I just answered my own question--my poor memory kind of fails--your introduction said you were in Buchenwald. D8
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 16, 2010 21:18:25 GMT -5
It's fine!  Oh I just could barely imagine the smell! I was one of the first women in Buchenwald, so I'm pretty lucky when it comes to smell in my memories. Transferred? Which camp was worse? |
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 17, 2010 0:46:25 GMT -5
Belsen, by far, was the worst. I actually had a very interesting conversation with someone who is a seer, so to speak (not sure if that it the right term) and while I was originally talking about someone in my life now, the talk turned to past lives and she gave me some really fascinating insight that I found had crept into some of my fiction writing prior. And matches up to a memory I have. And what year did you end up in Buchenwald then? *can't remember if that was in your intro* ---- Her: Is that all you seek? Or do you wish to confirm your past life as I can sense that you do? (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: That, too. Was wondering who that Jacob from my memory was... Her: Your Jewish friend. Her: He was the one you attempted to keep a refugee but were discovered anyways. And the both of you were taken captive. (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: I have no exact memories of that, or what happened afterwards. Her: I believe you were betrayed by your sister which explains why you do not get along with her now. (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: Rivkah. I remember her a little. Dunno who she is now, though. Her: You remember more than most. (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: I should probably fix that. The not getting along thing, whoever she is now. And yeah. I don't really know except maybe I was supposed to. Either cause it hurt my soul, or because I was supposed to teach people, or learn in some way Her: Because, like me, you carry a lot of regret. You feel as if you failed your Jewish friend (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: Wasn't able to save him? Her: No. He died while you survived, but you committed suicide. Because you couldn't bear the thought anymore. (*)A Girl Named Tex--L'Ailée--Looking for York(*) says: ...Really? I remember being very sick at one point. I survived that? Her: Yes. The americans or the british found you but you were delirious. --- So I suppose I should share that memory but I will save that for a separate post. |
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 17, 2010 0:53:30 GMT -5
WARNING; THIS POST MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME!!!
---
Okay, so this memory came to me in the form of a nightmare sometime in December/January of this year. It was the worst one I had, and I was convinced I was going to die then.
It started off with the sensation of thirst. I have never felt such an intense thirst before--beyond your normal, run of the mill dehydration. This was so completely desperate that there are truly no words for it. I was so weak I could barely carry myself anymore--I could no longer even stand upright, I was crawling at this point. I don't even remember the fever, though I remember my mind feeling so fuzzy, and apathy. I almost wanted to die at that point; I just didn't care anymore. And I remember the lice, too--to this day I have a habit of scratching my head and checking under my fingernails for lice. when I was in middle school it was so bad that I used to have little scabs all over my scalp because I would make it bleed!
I was clad in the most worn rags, even more tattered the original clothes I received in Birkenau. I don't remember being cold in this memory, though I have another memory of that later. I think at that point, besides the thirst, I don't feel much.
Anyway, in my deliruim I was convinced there was water somewhere, if I could just reach it...but in order to do so I had to crawl over what seemed like an endless pile of dead bodies, and even then I couldn't reach it...that was when I woke up, and for the rest of the day I was deeply shaken. My ex-boyfriend tried to get me out of it, but he never really understood it. =/
|
|
Iseke
Full Member
Posts: 242
|
Post by Iseke on Sept 17, 2010 3:10:01 GMT -5
Iseke: Also, if you don't mind me asking, why are you afraid of having dirty feet? I also have problems with cold, but it was definitely worse in the camp I ended up in after that. That was like the air was being sucked out of your lungs and you could freeze to death kind of cold. I am not sure how old I was in that memory exactly, but I was a teenager.
***
Your experience of delirium must have been awful! I'm glad you were liberated around then, even if in the end your story didn't turn out so well. And...it's very sad that you might have been betrayed by your sister. Did you ever find out why it happened that way? |
|
|
|
Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 17, 2010 6:16:32 GMT -5
I believe it was Fall in 1943, a few weeks before my 16th birthday. Those memories sound awful... they also seem quite reliable, too, because I'm sure unless you were hospitalized in this life for severe dehydration, you would not feel a sensation that strong! You probably had an intense headache, too, if you were that dehydrated. That sounds scary! As for the seer, I don't know if you have read my post on this, but I have a business doing past life readings (I do them for free for people on this forum), and I refuse to link onto one's energy and read them without permission, so I'm not actually reading you now, but I feel like she was wrong about two things. This is JUST a feeling. I don't think that she was intentionally lying. Just logically putting her reading up against your reaction to her words and the fact that I've read this thread on your memories. I think you probably died of malnourishment and sickness, not suicide. Maybe there was a point when you just gave up and she interpreted it as suicide, but I don't think you literally killed yourself, and I really feel that you never saw liberation. I mean...a child in that situation is probably going to have a very strong attitude of survival, and would not be as likely to just off herself because of guilt. :/ But if you are feeling what she said, then logic is wrong.  To back up that claim, I THINK Belsen was liberated by the Russians, not the Americans or British, but that's a guess. Also, in my opinion, if your sister betrayed you, I think it was probably only for survival...but I don't feel your sister was actually plotting against you. If I do readings on people, I will usually tell them that if what I'm saying doesn't feel right, that I may be wrong, and if that were to happen, I'd give them their money back. If you think it sounds wrong, trust yourself. They're your memories, so you're the one who has the experiences of that life. That's my 2 cents, and you may feel free to tell me if my notions are wrong, too! I just looked it up: Belsen was, indeed, liberated by the British. So much for "backing up that claim," haha! |
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 17, 2010 21:46:21 GMT -5
Iseke: Oh, ouch, that foot injury makes me cringe, and I didn't even experience it! And I didn't really figure out why she did betray me.
Luna: The reason why the suicide actually makes sense to me is that I was suicidal in this life, when I was sixteen. I used to like, cut and stuff. So that kind of could be something I could relate to. I have no doubt that with Rivkah, she probably did betray me for survival reasons. I know that I was jealous of her then, though for petty reasons.
I am curious, though then, if you read me. Like, what you would pick up. I don't mind at all! ^^
|
|
|
|
Post by msmir on Sept 17, 2010 21:50:07 GMT -5
I agree with Luna on this.. sometimes energies don't necessarily connect well with other mediums so they can misinterpret things easily. But I bet you were begging to die since you were so tortured while you were literally dying of thirst. I can't even imagine it... you must need to drink water a lot? My thing is not so much drinking.. it's been eating! I HATE the feeling of starving. That is why when I need to lose weight which... well is now LOL, I make sure that I eat FILLING foods even if it's less. Simple carbs are my worst enemy even though they are.. ever so enticing!
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 17, 2010 22:12:17 GMT -5
I was suicidal at 16, too, but you know, it happens. I just think that it's unlikely, but if you say that you feel you did that in your past life, I believe you. I'm not so sure I believe the seer. If you'd like a reading, sure! I need to hear your voice and connect with your energy for an accurate reading. I can TRY to read you like this, but I don't know if I'll get anything. If you'd like to meet online, just tell me, please! |
|
|
|
Post by privatetucker on Sept 18, 2010 21:07:45 GMT -5
Yeah, sure! I'll message you with my Skype--I has mic. Or I can link you to a recording I have of a podcast I was in. ^^
|
|
To back up that claim, I THINK Belsen was liberated by the Russians, not the Americans or British, but that's a guess. Also, in my opinion, if your sister betrayed you, I think it was probably only for survival...but I don't feel your sister was actually plotting against you.
