One of my own memories.

[lulz]

Warning! Some members may find content disturbing!

In this recollection, I am standing on a platform with other SS and doctors at the camp awaiting the arrival of the next train of prisoners. I can hear the train rumbling near. One of the men standing beside me nods. I return his gesture with a small half-sided smile.
As the train pulled up, screeching to a stop, other ss pulled the doors opened and ordered everybody to file out. The ones who didn't move quickly enough were simply drug out. Another doctor and I began giving each person a brief look-down to make an assessment on their health. The younger children and the more sickly adults and elderly went left. Everyone who was still in solid condition went right.
Among all the chaos, I noticed one of the guards pulling a girl back to the right side. Her daughter was in the other line and meant to be gassed. The girl kicked, screamed, and pleaded not to be separated from her daughter.
I suddenly became very irritated. I was supposed to keep control of something that was chaotic one way or another. Prisoners crying, people everywhere going this way and that, other ss trying to keep things under semi-control.
The same girl caught my eye, again trying to make a run for her daughter. I thought if nobody else was going to effectively take control of the situation, I would.
I walked through the sea of people, weaving in and out of people until I'd caught up with her. I saw myself pulling her back by the hair, striking her. Instead, I pretended to be calm. "What is the issue here?" I asked. She pleaded with me not to separate her from her baby. After giving it thought, she didn't say she wanted to take her child back to the right. I never told her the difference between the right and left side, but I sent her to the left with her child. I didn't think twice about it.

It saddens me that I did this so easily in that life. I know I could have just as easily sent them both right.

[sweetlunapie]

You could have...but if she were that young, there probably wasn't a place for her and she would have maybe just been killed or transferred later. As far as I know, there was no place for children in Auschwitz except for the medical labs.

It is a sad thing...the odds weren't in their favor from the moment they stepped on the train. You had no direct control over that.

[msmir]

I think there was a children's section in Auschwitz as I was in an area before I was taken in for experimentation where the Nazis forced me and other children to do plays for them... and I had to read poetry... that explains why I really don't like poetry Ironically I was a poet in my Victorian life.. my last life kinda ruined that for me. It's okay.. I use a different style of writing anyway now!!

[Laurasia]

I am glad that you ahve "come out of the closet" Lulz. ~hugs~ That was a very brave thing for you to do. And, as you see, I told you that it would be okay to do so here. I'm not about to let anyone give you grief over Josef's actions.

Thank you as well for sharing more of your memories with us. I often remember instances of similar indifference from Hans' lifetime as well. I have to say though... I prefer remembering his indifference rather than his moments of deliberate maliciousness.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[lulz]

*hugs* thank you, Laurasia. I'm glad everyone is so supportive.

[lulz]

And I do prefer to remember times when Josef was indifferent rather than like you said, remembering the deliberate cruelty.
And Luna and Msmir, I'm pretty sure there was a place for children there.

[msmir]

Lulz.. yeah there was a place for children, as I was there. We were forced to do "plays" to entertain them... before we were taken in for experimentation. Not all children were sent to be gassed immediately.

[lulz]

I had the sense that I could do pretty much whatever. As bad as it sounds, I felt I was shutting them up and winning over them.
I'm now pretty disgusted with myself, well, my old self.

[Iseke]

I totally understand that feeling. I feel the same way too about many of the things I've done in the past. At least we have this perspective, now, to show us who we used to be and who we are now. We've grown a lot just to know about our past!

Anyway, I wanted to thank you for sharing your identity and your memories with us. As Tucker said, it's been very healing for me to even get this chance, both to hear the perspective of those on the other side and to talk to them now, as equals and friends. That means a lot. It would have been so much harder to heal without this opportunity! *hug*

[lulz]

Aww! You're very welcome *hugs*
I'm glad that you guys have all gained from reading my memories. It makes sharing them much easier.

[euskanoravian]

I read from various sources that Block 2 of Auschwitz-Birkenau was a childrens' block. I am struggling enough with past life guilt. Look where it got me. Easier said than done, I know. My advice to anyone who did some awful things in a past life is to not allow themselves to be swallowed up by past life guilt. Regardless of who you were. Just don't repeat the same mistakes.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[msmir]

Block 2.. oh my, I did not know.. but when you said that, I just got chills going down my spine!! I am serious. I bet that is where I was

[Miss Bothmann]

Awww, lulz you admitted it to us *hugs* Very brave of you hon, and I am proud of you.

[lulz]

Awww, thank you.
I think everyone figured as much before I came out and said it anyway.

[privatetucker]

Yeah, I did. Well, actually, reading the first post in your thread I got this gut feeling of who you were.