Irina

[Iseke]

I have not had a whole lot in the way of visual memories up until recently, as you know. Coming here has been a huge part of my being able to start the process of working through my trauma. Meeting the people here has been an even huger part.

As soon as I had read that sweetlunapie and jagerbomb were at my camp, I wondered if I had ever known them in some fashion. Luna and I talked for awhile about the possibility of my having met Günther, among many other things about my lifetime.

That night I had had a bunch of strange dreams that were basically my way of trying to sort all this out. Among the morass of seemingly unrelated images and conversations there was a moment of brief clarity.

I couldn't see much in terms of details but was aware that it was sometime during the day. I saw a man standing near me that I identified as Günther, and he was speaking. He said something like "At least you know to keep your emotions about this to yourself." I felt as though I understood what he was saying and knew it had to do with someone's survival, possibly mine. (I am not sure if I spoke or understood much German, but in the dream it was comprehensible to me.)

When I awoke I mentioned it to Luna and Jager, who confirmed that this had taken place although it was not being said to me. I had been passing by at the time and overheard him speaking to another nazi.

I'm not sure if that is the extent of any contact we might have had in that life, but all the same it is quite amazing to me that this forum was our way of meeting again in a positive context!

Another small memory came to me as I was falling asleep. That day I had taken a walk outside and had passed one of those tall, gnarly fences with the coiled barbed wire. It was very familiar looking, at least from the photographs of the camps I've seen. That led to my having a brief memory that night.

I was standing outside, near the fence. It was overcast but the sun was shining through the clouds. It may have just rained; things felt fresh and damp. It was a moment where the outside was beautiful instead of hostile and grey.

[sweetlunapie]

That is amazing!
I'm so glad that an encounter you had...a kind of encounter, anyway...with Günther was a good one!

[msmir]

It just shows you that whatever is meant to happen, it is!! You were obviously meant to meet Gunther again but for a positive reason this time

[Laurasia]

Thank you for sharing that with us Iseke. I am always glad to hear that our community has been beneficial to our members. Whether by allowing people to reconnect, learn from one another, resolve any issues, etc. So hearing all of the ways that the forum has helped you truly warms my heart. ~hugs~

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[euskanoravian]

I am glad you reconnected with Gunther now, during much better times. Our dreams tell us more than we think- especially dreams regarding our past lives.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[privatetucker]

-glomp-

I, too, am glad that this place has helped you a lot, and I hope in the future that you will be able to heal those old scars. *hug*

<3

I find it so cool that you saw Gunther, though. I think that'd trip me out majorly to see something like that. xD

[Iseke]

Thank you, everyone!

[Iseke]

I've always hated stripes. For the most part, I have never worn them. I didn't care for the pattern aesthetically, but something felt particularly humiliating about stripes to me. This opinion was strangely solidified when, sometime in high school, I had had to borrow a friend's garment that happened to be striped. It was one of the most miserable days of my life. I felt emotionally ill while I was wearing it, and my feelings slowly turned to ones of rage. It felt...so degrading, like my humanity was being degraded by wearing this shirt. I couldn't explain these feelings, but that day when I got home I took the shirt off and vowed never to wear stripes again. When asked about this hatred, I would always shrug and reply, "Stripes make me violent. Dunno why."

One night a few months ago while in bed, I had a brief flash of the color and pattern of the concentration camp prisoner uniforms, and then I knew. That was why. All of those feelings--the anger and humiliation of being stripped down to something less than human--came back to me in this life when wearing that pattern, and it suddenly made so much sense!

I then had a memory of myself a few nights ago, wearing exactly that clothing. My view of this was from the third person.

I was standing in some smallish building against the wall of what could have been a hallway of some sort. I couldn't see my face well, but I was rather tall and the pants they had given me did not reach my ankles. I was barefoot, standing uncomfortably on filthy tiles. I had the sense I was waiting for something or evading something.

That was all I was able to see from that memory at this time.

[Laurasia]

I am glad to hear that you were able to make this connection in order to better understand your extreme dislike for the pattern, Iseke. I can relate, though in the opposite way...it gives me confidence, to wearing anything military-like. I know that is because of all the various lifetimes that I've lived wearing various military uniforms.

I'm also glad that it has been able to open up more memories for you. Hopefully more will continue to come.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Iseke]

Thank you! And I do think I am opening up more and more, as hard as some of it is!

And that definitely makes sense about the uniforms inspiring feelings of confidence and power! I've been meaning to sit down with that clothing meditation you had shared, since I've been very curious ever since you posted it! Truthfully for the most part, I have a hard time imagining the day to day clothes I used to wear, in any of my lives!

[Laurasia]

That wardrobe meditation really is a good one! I think that it would be very beneficial for you to sit down & give it a try.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Iseke]

--Warning, post may be disturbing--

A few weeks ago I had been having a Holocaust related nightmare. It was about how some pictures had surfaced that were extraordinarily gruesome; I won't go into detail as it was just nightmare fuel. I don't believe the dream was past life related as it was quite unrealistic (thankfully!) but upon waking from it I had an actual memory...

I was viewing a hallway. I remember seeing white and seafoam green, like the walls were white on the top and the green was on the bottom half of the walls, or the floor was tiled that sea-green, or something. To the left of this hallway was an open door. There was what looked like a stainless steel sink visible from the doorway. At the time it felt like "kitchen."

I spoke to Luna about this and she picked up a couple memories of this area and areas like it in Buchenwald...in one I was serving prisoners some soup in a kitchen, and in another...

The nature of the medical experimentation didn't come up, and frankly I didn't want to know. A few days later I woke up from sleep at about the same time as I had the first time with some kind of strange, uncomfortable insight. It wasn't something I had really read about happening specifically, but the thought wouldn't go away until I considered it at length. Then I thought about how it kind of explained some things about me that have never made much sense.

I had the sense that what they were doing (at lease some of what they were doing) was examining the bodies of the people they were experimenting on, and any anomalies of their skin that were found were...I don't know. I think it was more than killing people for their tattoos, which we all know the people at Buchenwald were famous for. I think it was some kind of dermatology experiments...anything unusual was found and harvested or...god knows what. I had the word "dissection" come into my head and I'm not sure if that's quite the right word, but in any case...not good.

What then occurred to me about this possibility is my present life. The weird thing is that I've always been super sensitive to things like freckles, birthmarks, etc. I mean, more than usual. Things like that have just made me so uncomfortable my whole life.

One time I had gone to a dermatologist (a rather big move for me considering my medical anxiety) to get something taken care of, and the procedure was quick and painless. Afterward, I sat there on the chair and the reality of what had happened hit me. She just removed a piece of my body. I nearly fainted, and she rushed me some crackers and juice and said something about my blood sugar being low. I didn't feel like eating.

Wanting to get out of there, I went to the reception desk to pay my bill. Something that was said back there between the receptionists...I don't know, it was just inane chatter, but something made me stop. I was certain they were talking about what had just happened to me, about my skin, about my body...and I crumpled to the floor, about to faint again. Getting there and getting through it I was fine, but afterwards, well...that seemed to be a trigger.

...

I'm terrified of these memories. They feel so fresh and that makes it hard to look at what happened. But after I had that insight, I oddly started to calm down. Wow, something makes sense about me that hadn't before! Another puzzling mystery about my life has just been solved. And I did start to feel that hard as it is, I am healing.

[kapitanprien]

Iseke - it sounds like you were processing things subconsciously via dream work, which is probably why you felt better upon waking up and after your insight.

As you know I tend to be very involved with subconscious stuff and that is how I would understand what you went through.

[Laurasia]

Hi Iseke.

Don't you just love when you have those "Aha!" moments? As difficult (yes, often physically like you describe above) as it is to remember these sorts of things we always end up better for it in the end, even if that end takes time to come about. You are indeed healing, hon, & that is wonderful!

I have had recent issues with an EXTREMELY uncomfortable new recollection myself as well which affected me quite physically too, so I can certainly sympathize with you right now. LOL!

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

I agree with prien. At times, I tend to do some major interpreting after I have had a particularily nasty "dream". And it does seem to make me feel tons better once I work through everything.