Irina

[Iseke]

*hug* everyone!

It helps so much I'm not alone in this as well; thank you for your encouragement and support.

And yeah, the dreamwork...is tough but it definitely seems to do the job, eh?

[Iseke]

On that note....something a bit more positive! Little kid memories!

First one was a few months ago. It was from behind, and I was about 5 years old, walking with my hand in my father's, I think, in some town area. (St. Petersburg?) I was wearing a tan coat of some kind, and I could see my uncovered knees.

The other morning, I had another memory (still shot, really) of me (Irina) as a five year old. I saw me standing there...it looked like a photograph in some ways, with muted colors. I was standing there, wearing that same tan overcoat with white stockings. I couldn't really see the shoes. My hair was a golden blonde, about down to my chin in length, and my face was in something of a scowl, like a surly little kid not wanting to stand long enough to have a picture taken.

<3 Very cute. And what a relief to see something pleasant.

[Laurasia]

Hi Iseke.

I'm so glad that you were able to get some memories of when you were young & still unaffected by everything that was still yet to come. I know how much I cherished finally getting such memories of Hans after so many years of mostly remembering the bad.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Aww..so sweet. I am glad that you were able to remember when you were little. I posted in my recollection thread my memory of when Anna was little. It's the only one that I have had from when she was that young, but it seemed the most "innocent" you know.

[Iseke]

Something Prien said ("people need to realize that anti-Semetism was nothing new in Europe - that it's been around for centuries and the conditions at the time gave someone (anyone) an opportunity to capitalize on it") made me want to share this. It's not from Irina's lifetime but one of my lives right before it (1868 or so).

I had this emotional memory of being pushed into the mud with people around me saying "Jew!" I was about five or six...a little boy in Russia...it had just rained. I felt so upset remembering this.

Irina wasn't Jewish but it obviously stuck with me. (I incarnated in the same area in any case.) As much as I feel strange to admit this, I always felt a connection to Judiasm in this life; although I am nothing of the sort...I always wanted that part of my life back.

[Laurasia]

Hi Iseke.

Indeed, anti-Semetism did not start with the Nazis; & it seems as though you experienced such prejudice personally in your lifetime previous to WWII.

Strangely enough though I obviously not Jewish as Hans, I was also drawn to Judaism very strongly when I was younger. I think that in my instance it was more of matter of my soul wanting to understand the other side of things better this time around.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Iseke]

Had a memory come up in a roadside motel we were staying at on a trip. I think there are probably more details to this that I'm lacking at the moment, so I'll update it if I get more information.

I'm in this skinny, bunker looking hallway. I sense there are about two men behind me, leading me, in brown uniforms. I am in white, probably my nursing clothes, and at the end is an open door with a curved metal handle. I do not want to go through that doorway. Whatever it is, it's bad. I'm not sure if it's my fear or Irina's fear, but I dread seeing what's beyond it.

I go into the room and see another man in a brown uniform sitting at a little table. It's an interrogation room, and he is smiling in this sleazy "caught another one!" expression. I can't hear what is said but get the impression I am telling him a legitimate sounding story about what I was doing and how it was not actually criminal activity. The man smiles at me, either to pretend he is buying my story or because he knows I'm going to get slammed anyway. I'm not sure what's going to come but perhaps I hope he will believe me.

This memory was...well, a lot of it was impressions, as in things I felt or glimpsed briefly. I saw it like a scene but a lot of details were missing...I sensed my clothing and the men that had been behind me but didn't -see- them visually, for instance. I'm not sure at what stage this was in my getting caught/brought in but I assume it was at the very beginning. I'm not sure if I knew what was in store for me but I had the sense there was no way I could get out of the interrogation...as though something worse than death awaited me if I tried.

Had another brief emotional memory of me in the camp sometime later, feeling absolute desperation. No context or visuals, just that it was during work, I think. Two whole years of this...

[gumby]

Why were you being interrogated, Iseke? I hope that I did not miss something in a previous post. Are you inside a military bunker?

[Laurasia]

Hi Iseke.

Thank you for sharing your memory with us. I've also remembered a bit about similar interrogations. I, obviously, was on the other side of such interrogations than you were though. I don't doubt that Irina was afraid of a "fate worse than death" when going in for her interrogation as we often used methods of torture. Perhaps that is why you didn't get too many actual details of the interrogation.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Iseke]

Gumby: I was involved with the resistance movement in France, and was caught during some activity. I'm not sure where it was...I was told that I may have been brought to one of the satellite camps of Buchenwald before being brought to the main camp, so it was either at one of those, or...somewhere in France maybe? Honestly I have no idea.

Laurasia: *shivers* Exactly...

[gumby]

I think that you were very brave to be in the French resistance. Do you know if you survived the war?

[Miss Bothmann]

What a horrifying memory. The worst part about it is the knowledge that wherever you are being taken isn't going to be a good thing. *shivers*

[Iseke]

Been having a lot of memories lately. Mostly small ones of the buildings and the soup, but...

I'm in this small shed like room, and at the back of it on some concrete type ledge is a boy of about 12 cowering in the dark. He looks Romani and from the amount of fat on his body he looks like he hasn't been here too long.

Then he is standing near me naked, covering his genitals, and I see myself reaching towards him slightly. Feels like I am worried about him.

[Iseke]

Content is disturbing.

So, something interesting happened recently.

I was baking bread and reading through my bread machine manual for something when I came to a part about what not to clean it with. Among other things it listed benzine, and this struck me for some reason.

I kept thinking...benzine...that sounds familiar. That sounds like the holocaust...that sounds like injections.

So I looked it up, found benzene, and remembered that awhile ago I had been doing some research on how benzene (a carcinogen) forms when certain ingredients are combined in soda, and how that had been a concern for me. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that benzine had something to do with the Holocaust. It was the spelling that struck me.

Well, I looked it up, and it was used in injections to kill people. ??!

How could I have known that?

.....


I was in bed the other night when suddenly I had the sensation/visual of holding a fresh kidney in my hands. There's a body laid out on a cold steel table, and I feel disgusted that I'm seeing this. This is wrong. This isn't what medicine is for.

I had been suspecting it. There's something especially horrifying about not only seeing these gruesome experiments but assisting with them.

[gwida]

Wow Iseke. Sounds like you've had some pretty darn intense memory recollections.

So you were involved in the French resistance for quite some time?

I wanted to ask you if that dream about "being caught out" if that felt like a "final" dream? Do you feel like your life was shortly ended afterwards, because that's just the impression that I got!
When I was reading your recollections, I felt like they didn't progress in a chronological way "on screen" but after reading all of them on here, I sort of "put them" into a "chronological" order (I know that sounds stupid, but still...)

Like, the adult life the small naked boy then the medical experiments then overhearing the convo. between the two Nazis and finally being led somewhere to await "a fate worse than death" that was sort of how I structured it in my mind. I don't know if that's right though... :S


... ok I'll stop rambling now.