A walk down memory lane with Hänsel

[amaraeon]

Such a fairytale name right? I'm sure it didn't suit him at all.
I haven't figured out the last name yet. I think his name might have been Schreiker, Schrier, or Schrieber. I have no idea which but it has that distinctive 'Schr' sound at the beginning and and 'ie' sound in the middle.

I remember the day when it all went downhill for me. In that life Hans father had been a social climber - the type who would pander to anyone in power. His dad imagined himself and aristocrat and tried to snatch what he could from life. He wasn't outwardly violent from what I can figure, just vindictive with a sneaky way of getting back at you indirectly. From what I can guess his name might have been Gunther. I don't really know, it started with a 'G'.

Marta was Hänsel's mother. That much I can tell as he had a genuine attachment with her. She was every bit as good as her husband was selfish.

It was Gunther that came home one day in an uproar because the Nazi's had taken over. He'd fought against them while they were the underdog but their sudden rise changed everything. Now he was going to do his best to work with them at any cost.
So he signed Hans up for the Hitler Youth.
Marta didn't argue with Gunther about much of everything but she let him have it that time.
I can see the old table with it's hand crocheted covering and next to it on a small stool is a clothes box with a uniform in it that my PL was going to be expected to wear.
She told him to take it back and he told her that if she wanted to go down and explain why her son could not be in the H.Y. then she was welcome to it.
She never did.

So Hänsel spent the next several years of his life firmly entrenched in the Nazi way of doing things. At eighteen he joined the military. Gunther said he'd never make it - that he didn't expect anything from a lazy good for nothing son.
Which is why he was dumbfounded when his son came back as a member of the S.S.
For the aspiring social climber it was like Christmas morning; Hänsel's admission not only made him talk of the family and friends but also a powerful bargaining chip in Gunther's bag.
He used it to ill effect - eventually leaving the family for a younger bride. Before this, Hans' sister was born. I have the feeling her name begins with a 'C' or an 'S'. and ends with 'ia'. Memories of her are kind of painful to dig into.

In any case, Hänsel was then shipped off to the eastern front with the start of the war.

Here's where things jump around as far as what I can remember. I get the feeling that my memories are hiding from me just out of sight - it's frustrating. There's something there that I don't want to remember but need to for some reason; and I'm almost certain it has to do with the action groups that were in force in the east just behind the front with Russia. I get the feeling I may have ended up in the Baltic nations.

( generally the few subjects I subconsciously fight to avoid when researching WW2 are the ones that affected my PL )

I may try to expand on that and record more a bit later. I remember more but this worrying gap needs some serious attention.

[amaraeon]

Research is your journals friend and sometimes your psyche's worst enemy.

The delay in getting back here is because recently I've been doing a metric butt-ton of remembering.

I'll start from the beginning, a little differently from how I had originally planned though.
( Isn't that how it always goes? )

When I was in early high school I started having dreams - dreams about the second world war. My first dreams were always sort of surreal - nightmarish gates and ominous stormy skies overhead. Cadaver-like people shuffling around me, very angry. And in those dreams I looked like I do in this life; but I was always dressed in the uniform of the S.S.

By about the third time this happened I was really freaking out. I tried talking to my new-age friends and went through every soul searching method I could from divination to meditation. The vague "There's something dark in your soul." kept getting tossed in my direction.

Finally, one day in high-school I had a dream that set everything over the edge. Lost in that same nightmarish prison I was swarmed and attacked by hundreds of inmates - each trying their best to tear me apart. I didn't look the way I do now though, this time I looked as I did back then.

I just remember a sort of psychic flood hit me - so much grief and anger and rage and hate from this mob. They were really trying to kill me with their bare hands!

Well, I woke up - nearly fell out of my bed and just laid there teary-eyed for a while trying to catch my breath. I think I got it then, that they were angry because I'd killed them in another life and somehow had managed to find me alone and unguarded.

Whether dream, vision, or other - I came to the realization that I had been a Nazi in my past life and that 1) I needed some sort of emotional and psychic shielding and 2) I needed to learn more about myself. Who I was.

That was the beginning of my journey.
The dreams didn't really stop - I ended up with the camp dreams I had started with ( minus the whole angry prisoners part ). I got used to it as a matter of course. When I went into the military though it turns out that I needed to shield 'others' from my energies as well. Oops.

In any case. After I came home from the Army I had the strangest dream/ vision. While meditating on my past life I had a flash from the past.

{I honestly don't think it's too bad but I could be wrong. So warning about posters impending death scene. Joy.}

I was in a wood-pannelled office at some camp. Taking my time I just put on my gloves and finished off my uniform. Apparantly U.S. troops were outside the door to arrest me and I went without a fight. No point really. They walked me over to a wall with some others - my co-workers and some others. We just stood there a while, being all prisoners of war and stuff. I noticed one of these American kids looked really cagey; he was manning a machine gun and just had that look like he might panic any minute. I wondered if it was us he was scared of.
I gave him a look and saw him tense. There was a thought of 'don't you dare' that crossed my mind. Next thing I know he opened fire on us.
Well, I got hit in the stomach and fell back into the brick wall. I remember sliding down it and sitting for just a moment, hand on my gut before I slumped over on my side.

There was some yelling, some more shots. Someone was calling my name - the guy next to me. He worked at the camp too. Lucky him, he hadn't gotten hit. But he knew me and that I had so he was upset.
The Americans are arguing and yelling about something. I'm just lying there bleeding. If they'd shut up I could pull through. But there's this kick and a boot or something in my back. Some hard shoe. I'm basically kicked into the dirt on my face.
Of course, I'm mad. But before I can do anything I feel this strike on the back of my head and blood running down my face.
I knew I was going to die then - I'd just been shot in the back of the head. I remember thinking about my sister so far away and alone without me.

I also remember thinking that Americans can't shoot worth anything. I was still alive. WTF?

Well, flash back to the modern age and I'm trying to find out if there was any incident of German POW's being killed by Americans after surrender of a concentration camp. Turns out that Dachau fit the bill. It was the first camp liberated by the Americans and the guys took it pretty hard. They were upset so much by the conditions that they shot some of the prisoners.

Slight problem though. In the official reports they never mentioned finishing the S.S. officers off. Responsibility was claimed for 15 or so dead as a result of the machine gun - but they didn't mention anyone getting shot in the head.

Recently though my research payed off. I did find alternate sources that stated that at least 150 had been killed as a result of two separate actions by American forces to kill S.S. POW's. And in this totally not well known report it details that after the machine gunning ( which actually was accidental), prisoners were allowed to finish them off personally with pistols and such.

What does this all mean? Learn to trust your gut. It won't lead you wrong.

[amaraeon]

So I had figured out a while ago that my name was probably Hans - short for Hänsel.

During meditation I got a glimpse of the past.

It was a cold dark night, somewhat snowy. It's a camp - I can feel that much. A man is throwing a grenade at me and I just have enough time to turn sideways before I'm hit by shrapnel.

So out into the data I go - looking for an incident that occurred at a camp at night where a grenade thrown by prisoners injured a guard.

Treblinka came up.
By a fortuitous set of circumstances; There is one significant name change that occurs in the guard records at Treblinka.
During roll call, a prisoner named Berliner stabbed and killed an S.S. man named Biala - you can clearly see the mans name in a diagram drawn by Kurt Franz. Well, after this the only new person added was a Hans Zänker.

So that made me pause. I totally thought my name was a Sch- sound something. But then again I knew I was a 'Hans'. I just couldn't place the last name and none of the ones I came up with sounded right.

Such is digging for ones past lives. Sometimes your memory sucks.

Anyway, while looking around at the camp roster hoping I'd stumble on my picture I came upon a different one - Kurt Franz. He looked incredibly familiar to me - like I knew him from somewhere. That's when all these memories came back. Horseback riding, the mess hall and our long ( and often one sided) talks.

But I thought that was strange. How could I feel as if I know this guy? The time between Biala's death and my injury and transfer was only a few months - how did we get so close?

Well, looking up Hans' record I found out he'd been stationed at Sonnenstein.
Remember that memory gap I talked about a few posts ago? Yeah, Han's tenure there syncs up with that memory gap.
And guess who else worked at Sonnenstein? Kurt Franz.

Creeeeeepy.......

Moving on. So I delve a bit deeper into my memories and the research.
In Treblinka, the camp guards were given nicknames by the inmates in order to tell them apart and warn others of their 'quirks'. Kurt Franz's name was Lalke (Doll in Yiddish)
I have no idea what my name would have been in Yiddish - but the first thing that came to mind thinking on the subject was 'doppel' - as in a double.

I would have been ( If I'm right about this and totally not messing myself up) quite a bit younger than Franz. He was the youngest of those present when I showed up - hence the nickname; he had a baby face -really young. I saw a picture of him and his younger brother and I'd say I look about between their ages - maybe closer to his brother.
And I think back then we would have looked creepily alike. Although our personalities were completely different.

Anywho, and this is all conjecture until I get some names with these pictures.
I was looking up pictures of Franz from his life. And yeah, he does look creepily like me. But did I look like him back then?
Well, I found a picture of the camp superintendent from Dachau and some of his officers - and there is one that could be a dead ringer for Franz - but Franz was never stationed at Dachau to my knowledge.
Stranger yet, I checked the collar tabs and I think they indicate the same rank Hans Zänker would have had.

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I need a complete soldier listing for Dachau. *falls over* Wonderful.

[Leutnantzursee]

Wow - this is a fascinating account, how did you get hold of these records, is it possible to find these sorts of things on line or is it too specialist for that? I would like to be able to trace my PL, but don't know how to go about it. Maybe its easier to trace the SS?

[Rebecca]

Wow that is amazing, maybe researching is the key ( might just give it a shot myself hey). I hav the same question as lizzy, where did you find all this out?

[feurfrei]

I actually knew Kurt Franz back then.....

Commandants
1.SS Standartenführer Hilmar Wäckerle (Killed by the Russians)
2.SS Gruppenführer Theodor Eicke (Killed by the Russians)
3.SS Oberführer Heinrich Deubel (Not Prosecuted)
4.SS Standartenführer Hermann Baranowski (Died of Old Age)
5.SS Oberführer Hans Loritz (Committed Suicide)
6.SS Hauptsturmführer Alexander Piorkowski (Executed by the Allies)
7.SS Obersturmbannführer Martin Weiss (Executed by the Allies)
8.SS Hauptsturmführer Eduard Weiter (Committed Suicide)

SS & Civilian Doctors
SS Untersturmführer Dr Hans Eisele (Dissapeared)
SS Obersturmführer Dr Fritz Hintermayer (Executed by the Allies)
Dr Ernst Holzlöhner (Committed Suicide)
SS Hauptsturmführer Dr Fridolin - Karl Puhl (Death - Commutted to 10yrs Imprisonment)
SS Untersturmführer Dr Sigmund Rascher (Executed by the SS)
Dr Karl - Klaus Schilling (Executed by the Allies)
SS Sturmbannführer Dr Horst Schumann (Escaped Abroad)
SS Obersturmführer Dr Helmuth Vetter (Executed by the Allies)
SS Sturmbannführer Dr Wilhelm Witteler (Death - Commutted to 20yrs Imprisonment)
SS Sturmbannführer Dr Waldemar Wolter (Executed by the Allies)

Guards
SS Obersturmführer Hans Aumeier (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Richard Baer (Died in Prison)
SS Oberscharführer Franz Böttger (Executed by the Allies)
SS Sturmbannführer Fritz Degelow (Death - Commutted to 20yrs Imprisonment)
SS Hauptsturmführer Heinz Detmers (15 & 7yrs Imprisonment)
SS Hauptscharführer Willi Eckert (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptscharführer Leonhard Eichberger (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Johann Eichelsdorfer (Executed by the Allies)
SS Obersturmbannführer Adolf Eichmann (Executed by the Israelis)
SS Oberscharführer Anton Endres (Executed by the Allies)
SS Untersturmführer Sylvester Filleböck (Death - Commutted to 10yrs Imprisonment)
SS Standartenführer Hermann Florstedt (Executed by the SS)
SS Sturmbannführer Otto Förschner (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Karl Fritzsch (Killed by the Russians)
SS Obersturmführer Georg Gössel (Executed by the Allies)
SS Obersturmführer Franz - Johann Hoffmann (Life Imprisonment)
SS Hauptsturmführer Rudolf Höss (Executed by the Poles)
SS Obersturmführer Josef Jarolin (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Johann Kick (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptscharführer Simon Kiern (Executed by the Allies)
SS Oberscharführer Johann Kirsch (Executed by the Allies)
SS Oberscharführer Josef Klehr (Life Imprisonment)
SS Standartenführer Karl Koch (Executed by the SS)
SS Obersturmbannführer Max Kögel (Committed Suicide)
SS Scharführer Alfred Kramer (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Josef Kramer (Executed by the Allies)
SS Oberwachmeister Erich Lachmann (Acquitted)
SS Hauptsturmführer Walter Langleist (Executed by the Allies)
SS Scharführer Hugo Lausterer (10yrs Imprisonment)
SS Hauptsturmführer Arno Lippmann (Executed by the Allies)
SS Oberscharführer Otto Möll (Executed by the Allies)
SS Oberscharführer Erich Mühsfeldt (Executed by the Poles)
SS Rottenführer Engelbert Niedermeyer (Executed by the Allies)
SS Untersturmführer Josef Niemann (Killed by Inmates)
SS Hauptscharführer Gerhard Palitzsch (Dissapeared)
SS Hauptsturmführer Michael Redwitz (Executed by the Allies)
SS Obersturmführer Friedrich - Wilhelm Ruppert (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Vincenz Schöttl (Executed by the Allies)
SS Rottenführer Otto Schulz (Death - Commutted to 15yrs Imprisonment)
SS Unterscharführer Gottfried Schwarz (Killed by Partisans)
SS Obersturmführer Heinrich Schwarz (Executed by the French)
SS Unterscharführer Josef Seuss (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptscharführer Josef Spatzenegger (Executed by the Allies)
SS Untersturmführer Anton Streitwieser (7yrs Imprisonment)
SS Obersturmführer Rudolf - Heinrich Suttrop (Executed by the Allies)
SS Unterscharführer Wilhelm Tempel (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptscharführer Franz Trenkle (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptscharführer Wilhelm Wagner (Executed by the Allies)
SS Sturmbannführer Friedrich Weitzel (Death - Commutted to 10yrs Imprisonment)
SS Oberscharführer Wilhelm Welter (Executed by the Allies)
SS Hauptsturmführer Egon Zill (Life & 15yrs Imprisonment)

Wachmann
SS Wachmann Albin Gretsch (10yrs Imprisonment)
SS Wachmann Johann Schöpp (10yrs Imprisonment)

[amaraeon]

Most of this information comes from dredging the net after I have a memory. I try to rule out anything that's too deviant from what I saw - which means sometimes I tossed out a lot of results and got frustrated because I wasn't finding anything.

But it payed off in the end.
To trace it back - I did something like this:

1) had vague memory of being a guard shot at concentration camp by Americans. Cold weather, kind of cloudy-ish.

2) looked for historical instances where that happened. Found out about the killing of S.S. officers at Dachau. {Yeah. I'm pulling a Geneva convention here. Pot calling the kettle black...} Under the exact circumstances I remembered.

3) validated some minor memories about day to day activity in the camps.

4) had another vision about getting a grenade to the face in winter thrown by a prisoner coming off a train.

5) searched the net for that situation. Here's where changing the words or phrasing of your search can really pay off. I had to try two or three combinations before I found a site. In fact, here it is.

users.resist.ca/~kirstena/pageorganizedresistance.html

It's about halfway down. *small note, Berliner was actually killed with shovels - not shot. The rest to my knowledge is accurate*

www.deathcamps.org/treblinka/pic/03b.jpg

And so on and so forth. The single grenade incident is so obscure that very few people know about it. But I do now ( from above sources and more ) that Biala died on Sept 11
*trippy* And that according to Kurt Franz's map ( second link ) There is no one with the last name Zanger listed at the time Biala was alive. Meaning a replacement.

www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/resistyad2.html

That has details about the night transport I mentioned.

Now. I suspected from all of this that I had been at Treblinka. And now I had a name. So I tried to find out the name and where all I had been. And I got this link:

forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4704&start=0

That's how I figured out why Kurt Franz looked so familiar. We worked in three different camps together.

I guess to summarize all of this big jumble up, when I got a memory I hit the net and looked for that same scenario occurring. Sometimes that leads you to another memory that ties into the info you have already or can lead you to new information.
Getting this far took a lot of time slogging through lists and websites trying to find that one snip of information that applies to me. Sometimes checking out books from a library or watching videos helps.

Another thing is intuition. When listening to documentaries on WW2 I never felt nervous watching things on Buchenwald or Sobibor. But I did feel weird, got a fluttery feeling in my gut when I heard the names Dachau, or Treblinka, or Belzec. Or when I saw pictures of the S.S. Totenkopf divisions. I avoided all discussion of things like Babi Yar - which I knew about back then or the T4 operations because they made me feel jittery - like being caught red-handed doing something you shouldn't. I felt guilty of something and I didn't know why.

It could be just me, but now when I get that feeling about a place from my PL I investigate; and usually I remember just a little bit more.

Did I actually answer any questions or just rambling?

[Laurasia]

Hello Amaraeon.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It is a very interesting read indeed. Keep up the research! Believe me, I know what a pain the backside it can be but when it pays off it usually pays off well. That's why I always suggest that people write EVERYTHING down...as tedious as that can be.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[amaraeon]

Thanks Laurasia, I try to keep track of everything as best I can. Although memories sometimes come way too fast for it to be easy.

Thanks for the list fuerfrei. I was kind of getting the suspicion that though I had died there, I hadn't been on the official roster. It just didn't make sense with my 'day to day' memories. This makes me wonder about the training camp situated beside the concentration camp. I remember a lot of walking around and looking at stuff and not a whole lot of actual working.
(and why would a T4 veteran be stationed at a concentration camp instead of out east where he's needed?) That helps narrow it down then.

And yeah, for better or worse I was no stranger to Franz. I have a suspicion that he's how I ended up in Treblinka in the first place - I was totally done working out in the field and needed a change of pace. ( stupid me )

[Miss Bothmann]

Wow, very interseting! It is awesome that you were able to discover so much from research. It may give you a thousand migraines, but the end result is great if you discover something. I am happy that you were able to uncover so much. Good luck in finding out more.

[amaraeon]

Thanks. Luckily said memories only turn up on my death-anniversary.

But the digging gets to be interesting at best. I'm still working on a roster for the Eickeschule but when I search for it I only found one link. It's a pain in the butt to find anything on, worse than the SK actually. Man. This could take a while.

[Laurasia]

Hi Amaraeon.

Oh I understand exactly what you are talking about. One of my hobbies (besides past life workings) is genealogy, so the frustrations for both are very similar indeed. LMAO! ;D

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[amaraeon]

Well, my frustrations are now even more pronounced.

Looking into further study under the name Hans Zanker I've figured out few key things -

A) he did serve in Sonnenstein, Treblinka, and Belzec.
B) he did arrive there after Biala's death.

But, if the newest information I've gained is true he was also 37 at the time he would have been in Treblinka. There is no way that if that's true that he's my past life - I remember being young and joining the HY right after Hitler took power in Germany. I should have only been 18 by the time the war with Poland began. There is no way I was well over 30 by that point - my memories don't sync up at all.

Sigh. Which means I'm back to square one. All my data is wrong and all I've got are memories that I'm hoping are correct. Back to the drawing board.

But that really messes me up. If I'm wrong about this, what else am I wrong about? That's a pretty big error. Man. Well, it's good for this Zanker fellow anyway - I've pieced together a good deal of his life. I still have no idea about my own though. Now I'm adrift again without a name or any confirmations at all.

This has been about the worst week.

So what DO I think I remember ( as I can't even be sure now).

I remember a house by a river, a river that forked and led to the sea with an island in the center. I remember being forced into the HY at about 14. I remember my sister being born a short while later because I was congratulated on it. I remember being young and excited to be at the rallies - I remember being horrified the first time I saw a gas chamber, I remember being even more horrified the moment I had to shoot someone.
I remember nearly being killed by bombs in Kiev, a grenade thrown by a camp inmate blowing up in my face, being shot as a POW.

But what does all of that mean? Do I even have the places right? Am I even in the right direction?

Like I said, all I know now is that I have to start all over. So what is my name again?

[Leutnantzursee]

Gosh - I'm so sorry you've hit a brick wall with your research Amaraeon :-( I've not really ventured into checking up if my PL fits in with the name I have on the Scharnhorst crew list, but I wouldn't be surprised if in some way it didn't match up and I'd be left back at square one too. I get the impression a few people have had this problem pinpointing the exact details of their PL's, names or dates don't seem to dovetail and it certainly can cast doubt as to whether its real or not. I can only think that in some way our memories are never 100% accurate, if you think back through your present life for instance, many times we sort of create memories and sometimes confuse fantasy with fact or indeed we misinterpret things. If our memory pertaining to our current lives can be at fault, can it also be completely trusted (maybe more so) when trying to trace events from another incarnation? You may have elected to erase certain facts from your PL memories before incarnating, maybe a part of you is unwilling to give the information that would be the big oil strike for you in confirming your identity back then? I think names and dates can be tricky, but strong recollections like the ones you describe seem more likely to be truthful. On the other hand, its very possible that the historical documentation simply hasn't survived, so things like SS personnel listings might not be complete, which is why you can't find your Hans. As laurasia says, you can fall into the same traps doing family research and this is much the same in many respects!

Perhaps at the end of the day, the details don't really matter, what matters is the feeling it elicits and how we deal with PL trauma? I think the need to dig deep is because we live in a culture that demands solid proof and we have all to varying degrees been indoctrinated not to trust these promptings and dreams as anything more than imagination - if you can't 'prove' you were this or that person in a PL then it isn't valid sort of thing. Although having said that, there are rare incidences where children recall immense details of other existences that can be verified, like the famous case of the little boy who remembers being an American bomber pilot in the Pacific war. I do think its rare that a soul retains such complete detail and names maybe are deliberately obscured for some reason, but I don't think that negates what you already have and I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bathwater at this stage. :-) Maybe, you simply need to take a break from the intensive research and see if anything surfaces naturally. You seem to have a lot of detail that does fit, its just the name and maybe that will come to you through hypnosis or some other means.

Sorry, I can't be any more help, but I can understand your frustration with having got this far, only to find the age of Hans Zanker is all wrong, but please don't give up and lose heart

Liz

[Laurasia]

Hello Amaraeon.

I have to agree with everything that Liz has said. Maybe take a break from all of the intensive research & something might come up of it's own accord. After all we can create our own road blocks by trying too hard to figure everything out. Records can be , & often are not, 100% accurate anyway. (Especially when dealing with lifetimes from historical wartimes....history is recorded by the victors afterall. ) Take my situation of having been Hans Bothmann...there was also a member of the Kriegsmarine (just about the same age as well) named "Hans Bothmann". So our two records could possibly get confused with one another...especially after all the upheaval of losing the war. LOL!

The most important thing, even more than getting the name right, is how all of these things that you remember affect you now in your current life. The fact that we can even try to positively identify our past lives, due to having more recent reincarnations to look for, is not usually the case when studying reincarnation. There are many other incarnations that we've all had that there are no records of. Being able to research "any joe-shmo" is a relatively new thing afterall.

Just keep recording whatever you get & try to focus a bit more on remembering in details rather than trying to positively find his identity.

Sincerely,
Laurasia