Hi, newbie here!

[jhwoodw]

Regarding Chlorine Gas - The Zyklon B gas used in the chambers, spelled in English Cyclon, is a mixture of cyanide, chlorine, and nitrogen gases.

[jhwoodw]

Lizzie, I understand exactly what you are going through! I often feel that rather than being therapeutic this journey is leading me into a darker space than I want to go. Lately I have been having a similar struggle to the one you are experiencing with your friend. Having gotten enough information on my relationship with my PL sister, Emilia (present day Mom), to feel the need for forgiveness and closure on both sides, I am now faced with the problem of initiating the healing process when I know she absolutely does not accept the theory of PL and that even if she did it would be much too traumatic for her to share my revelations. I still haven't come up with an answer, but I have made much progress in working through some issues on my own and I believe it is strengthening our relationship. I found that recognizing the cycle of misdeeds and sacrifices we have made for each other throughout both lifetimes led me to fully forgive her for her abuse in this life, as well as be grateful for the sacrifices and difficult choices she made. I also was able to identify the feeling of obligation and guilt I have felt towards her my entire life. And though I can't ask her forgiveness, I have tried to find ways of connecting to her more and hopefully helping her to heal on some level. I have been more affectionate and attentive. Our relationship being an emotionally complex one, I have also found it extremely difficult to set boundaries with her in this life and to find the line between our separate journeys. Now that I know more about the history, this has also been easier. Though I feel more love and empathy now, I can also separate and not take things personally because I understand the deeper roots of her emotions.

Don't give up on your friend. If you two are close, it is probably worth it to get through this period. Though the guilt drives us to just take negative or unrewarding interactions with others as "our punishment" I think we can still atone and heal by viewing them in a more positive light. Try to step back and just see the cycle you two are experiencing. How can you break the cycle using love, kindness, empathy? It only takes one of the two people to break a cycle, so how can you do it on your own? Is there a negative or codependent pattern you can break by simply responding differently? If so, however your friend reacts, remember he feels threatened and just try to respond to him with love.

I may be way off base here. I am definitely projecting my own issues and journey, but I hope a piece of this diatribe may be helpful. ;-)

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks for your kind words and understanding jhwoodw, I really appreciate it:-) its been the only blessing in this journey, knowing I'm not alone with all this stuff and can thrash it all out here on the forum and also get so much feedback with other people's journeys, that somehow seem so similar to each others:-) I can certainly relate to having an ambivalent relationship with your mother and that maddening thing of people who deny any existence of reincarnation or anything psi. Its an uphill task because as you say, as the aware soul you have to implement the healing on your own and hope it'll work with only one side of the pole operative, as it were. You can only hope it works that way, but I suppose we have to trust that it will. I get the impression that the sibling relationship is one with a lot of room for hurt, it was the same for me in my life before in Edwardian/WW1 times, when my identical twin sister was killed prematurely and I felt a terrible severing. In that life too, I was dumped by my married lover and I think committed suicide, though I'm not sure if I actually did, or if I was pulled back in the nick of time. Then I go blithely into Emil's life it seems, once again with this tragic karma regarding a sibling, though I know that the present day 'friend' wasn't my twin from the life before, I'm actually wondering if he was my married lover! This probably all sounds like the stuff of my imagination, but I recovered the memories of that PL through lucid dreaming and an actual out of body journey, which nearly sent me mad at the time because I had no way to describe to anyone what I had seen and witnessed, I really had been taken out of my body - but that's a long story! So you know, I closed the door on so much of this stuff because when I get recall it sends me to the edge, but it just happens, I don't summon it, it just comes - so what can you do, I guess but go with it?!:-)

The thing is with said 'friend' (he's not even that, just someone who writes a blog and probably thinks I'm crazy *sighs* ) he is very in tune with all things paranormal, that's what's spooking me, I do think he's picked up on it and its left him feeling off in some way, I think his wife might see me as threatening too, but that's just speculation and maybe me projecting more onto the situation than is true, he may have hardly given me a second thought! I'm feeling a little better today, mainly because I just told the universe that I can't deal with the pain this man is causing me, I have to transfer it into something creative or its going to send me into a breakdown, which is what happened before with connecting to my PL twin sister. She too in this incarnation is a man, he was someone I just couldn't be with or even reach once again (what is that about??!) So I'm going to write, if I can, maybe that way the truth of all will come out:-) But you are very right about using love and empathy and the highest vibration whenever we can, it is so hard though when you're heart is sore and you're still working through a miasma of fear, guilt, resentment and futility, more than anything, the sadness that you're unlikely to hold that little sister's hand again and smile at each other knowingly. I miss her/his soul dreadfully, but somehow I know I just have to walk away, as it is, I'm hitting my head against a wall, as is so often the case. Anyway, sorry for the maudlin ramble there - I guess I had to express that sadness somehow:-) Thanks for listening x

[jhwoodw]

Hi Lizzie! I agree, it is so nice to know others are experiencing the same things. The support of just knowing you can talk without people thinking you are crazy and then to know you aren't the only one are priceless. All my life I have had a feeling that I didn't connect with people because there was something more to me than what I had experienced in this life. I thought I was nuts, or at the very least suffering from a dissociative disorder. I understand the sadness and the fear of standing on the precipice, knowing that this can consume you. I have recently had a depressive episode which along with this journey into a dark period of the human experience, is very threatening to my sanity! I am struggling to push through, but the sadness you spoke of, the missing the people I knew in that life, as well as missing myself as I was, combined with the desire to know more is very emotionally distracting. I am feeling especially disassociated from my current life, as if none of it matters, I just want to go back. The connections I felt with the people in my PL seem more real than any I have now. Unfortunately this is really interfering with my productivity. I am not the most proactive person (definitely a procrastinator), but I do manage to hold it together if only by a thread, and get everything done. Lately I have missed important deadlines, am completely scattered, and am not getting anything done! I just can't seem to focus. I keep trying to gather more info and get more regressions, but like you I can't seem to bring them on. I have had similar experiences including the out of body (I think it was when I died), a sojourn into the space of "nothingness", dreams, and also waking dreams in which reality becomes veiled by a vision of my PL. It is scary when these things just happen unbidden, but I still want more. It is so frustrating!
I encourage you not to dismiss things as your imagination. I also have experienced thoughts and feelings which form links between my PL and the people I know now. At first, I also kept telling myself "I am probably just making this up!" but I have come to believe that once the door is opened our subconscious keeps working on it and things come to us in milder ways than the extreme involuntary regressive experiences. And, hey, even if we are making it up that doesn't mean it isn't cathartic or healing, but that is my logical brain inserting itself. :-) And at least you have identified a pattern. In both your recent PLs you have a very strong tie to your sibling relationships. Do you have siblings in this life? Why do think you are connecting strongly to those pieces of your story? I am sure you are picking up on much information, though perhaps not consciously. Despite the reasons, I am sure this guy's wife is wary of you. Women are always cautious when another female enters the picture, despite her role, until we get to know and trust them for ourselves. ;-) Your connection to him being an emotional one I am sure she picks up on that and is uncomfortable.

I need to do some reconnecting to the universe too and be more vigilant in the energies I am putting out there. It is so easy to let things slide and fall off track, then I look back and realize I have totally stepped away from the living and spirituality I believe in. I will keep you in my thoughts as well, as any positive energy is helpful, right? Hang in there and thank you so much for this conversation, it has really helped me accept the journey. :-)

[Laurasia]

Hi guys.

I just wanted to inject a few thoughts into some of what you two are discussing.

Lizzie....Perhaps the lesson of this life is to let this other soul go without retaining the guilt of doing just that? Don't try to reach out & hold onto this particular soul so hard. Remember, we will all have plenty of other lifetimes in which to reconnect to each other in varying ways. Perhaps the reason all of this is causing you so much trouble (& seems to have been doing so through your last 3 incarnations together) is because you need to be distance from this particular soul for a time for some reason? I may be completely wrong in this, but it was a thought that comes up whenever I read about the pain that you've experienced in just trying to get closer to this particular soul. I certainly hope that you are doing okay, hon. It's been a difficult time for many of us.

Jhwoodw.....I would strongly suggest that you consciously back away from anymore past life research for awhile, hon. The one thing that we all must do is remember that we are incarnate now for a reason & that we have a life to live nowadays. Once all of this stuff starts taking over our current lives & makes our lives now seem meaningless we are in it too deeply. You need to find some way of quickly distracting yourself from constantly pining for days gone by. Even something as seemingly unproductive as watching "crap TV" that you can get wrapped up in for a time. If you find that your mind is constantly getting stuck in the past you need to find some way of distracting it from that mode of thinking. You would, obviously, want to find more constructive ways/hobbies for doing so in the long run; but for the time being, when you find that your mind truly does not want to venture out of the past, trick it with something easy to get caught up in like a movie or an reality TV program of some sort. Of course....make sure that it is not a movie or TV program that will remind you of things related to WWII!

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Leutnantzursee]

Hello ladies, thanks so much for getting back to me with your as always, insightful and loving responses:-)

Jhwoodw - I can so relate to what you're experiencing and how it can send you close to the edge. When I began to get into my WW1 life, I felt much the same as you, the same yearning for those people and that time, the life I had then was privileged and wealthy, unlike now where I'm stony broke most of the time (!) and I longed so desperately to be back there, especially with my PL sister. I don't know how I would have coped if I'd had to work while going through that experience, luckily at the time, I was at home with my kids, so it helped that I could go through all those peculiar twilight moments of slipping in and out of that life, without the added pressure of deadlines and 'normal' life - though of course I still had to do mum stuff! I agree with Laurasia, its a good idea to try and distance yourself if you can, even if for an hour or two, yes watch some lighthearted TV or a film, and try to breathe. Honestly, i got this advice after I did a meditation recently, that I needed to do more physical things, especially yoga to try and keep the powerful energy moving, or else it gets stuck and can cause real health problems and I'm sure we'd all hate for you to get sick and unable to function at all:-) The same goes for me of course!!LOL I do think all of us whether Nazi or vicitim have this empthy capcaity, feelings and memories can consume us, it is, I know SO hard to stand back and observe it all and of course to some extent, we do need to FEEL things, those blocked up memories that have to be released. The key seems to be to do just that, release them, let them go. I was able eventually to do just that with my WW1 life, but it took a sort of ritual to actually break the ties, I'd got to a stage where I just couldn't cope anymore, I was becoming engulfed, so I cut the ties symbolically - and yes it worked. It all began to retreat into something more manageable and I was fine in the end. I'm sure you will be too hun, but it takes a lot of effort, when you have to let go of something you love. Actually no, I don't have any siblings in this life, well that's not entirely true I have a half-sister who lives in Australia, but we rarely see each other as you can imagine. We get on very well and I love her a lot, but we never grew up together, so in this life I've not had that link, although I've sought out women friends as sort of surrogate sisters I guess! I really relate to what you say about not thinking this life matters. This is one of my biggest struggles, not least because I'm so easily put off and fall into so much depression when things don't work out. I think many of us must feel like this, whether we had a gun and a uniform, or were shot and made to wear the star of David, we were made into objects. I guess that is the shared karma of victims and perps. Living in the present is something I work on, its picked up decidedly this week and I've felt a real shift, but I still have a long way to go. Thanks for your words about my 'friend' and his wife:-) It has been difficult accepting that this isn't my imagination, but I am slowly beginning to believe in my gifts and instincts, its even in my astrology about having spot-on psychic awareness (which surprised me!) so yes, I am starting to embrace the truth it offers. Both he and his present missus are both psychics, I feel they must think something is up, I'm certain of it and I know she in particular has got her psi-hackles up over me, I think she may also harbour PL feelings of fear over losing her husband to another woman, that would make a lot of sense, even if in this lifetime he's been totally faithful to her. There is an angry part of me I confess, a part that feels cheated, if he was my WW1 PL lover, he went back to his wife, she has him again and I don't. Yet, I have the guilt with Lisi to deal with, which almost cancels that out and says 'hey you took that soul to task' so which is worse? It's all so strange and confusing, and now I've seen another incarnation in which he was a maid that I used sexually (this it turns out is the so-called 'witchcraft coven' thing I saw, only it wasn't that exactly - long story!) So yes, I'm working on deciphering as much of my karmic history with this man as I can, it might make sense of why we're not in a position to get close in this incarnation.

Laurasia - thanks hun for your thoughts:-) Yep, you may well be right about letting go *sighs* I had to do this with my other PL sister and hard as it was, I did it then. I don't think I'm ready just yet though, as I was saying, I need to know more, so I can do this with absolute love and clarity in my heart, or else I'll continue to resent him and his wife (who no doubt is tied to me karmicly too.) I don't want to have any negative feelings about him, that's so important, whether its anger or sadness - so as they say 'I'm working on it';-)

[Leutnantzursee]

I just wanted to add - re-reading this thread, what jumped out at me were Gwida's visions of the 'floating oak leaf' I think it was telling me who Lisi is now, the oak leaf represents the druid! I think that was the proof I was looking for about the identity of Lisi now - my blog writing 'friend'!! Wow - that really blew me away!

[jhwoodw]

Lizzie & Laurasia - Thank you both for your concern and advice. I know you are correct and that I need to back off for now. One of my major issues in this life is that I am extremely "all or nothing" and I think this is a perfect example. One of the reasons I am a decent researcher is that I can't stand the unknown and once my interest or curiosity is peaked I pursue an answer relentlessly (despite the toll it may take). Luckily, school has gotten back into full swing and I am so extremely busy with my work, education, and research I have been forced to focus (FINALLY!) The feelings of distance from this life are not new to me, however, and are more the cause of my PL pursuits, rather than an effect. I have always, since I was small, felt that this life isn't a full reality. And though I function normally socially, there has always been a disconnect. I was pursuing my PL in the hopes that the info I gained may help me to understand why that is. I have actually made a lot of progress in reconnecting to the present, myself, and others, so I just keep trusting the cost of discomfort, anguish, and guilt are worth it. Lizzie, excellent advice regarding keeping the physical channels open for the energy to flow and the emotions to escape. I have always exhibited psycho-somatic illnesses and am currently doing somatic therapy for exactly the reasons you mentioned. It really helps me to process emotions and to reconnect to my body.

Lizzie - I am glad you are doing better! I am sorry you have so much to work through. The situation with this man and his wife, with all of you having psychic skills and possible PL connections, takes the normal interpersonal drama to a whole new level! I don't envy you the complexity you are weeding through. At least you have an idea of why things may be the way they are. I almost go insane if I don't know WHY (this goes for everything from the motives of others to math problems. ;D Hehe). It sounds like you two are taking turns hurting each other throughout your lives. Though it is painful to feel the loss of your previous closeness to him, perhaps it is good that the situation this time prohibits the same cycle. Maybe the space will allow for forgiveness and healing. Honestly, I don't know how you are dealing with more than one PL at a time. I know I definitely couldn't do it, and don't expect to resolve or know more than this one PL during my current life.

[Leutnantzursee]

Hi Jhwoodw :-)

I really can relate to the 'all or nothing' mindset, you sound like me there, with that dire need to uncover the truth at whatever cost sometimes. Must be something about anthropology ;-) When these things strike, you feel like a part of you is going mad with all these memories and emotions that seem to spring up from some deep and primal place. I also understand what you're saying about a sense of distance in this lifetime, I'm a terrible escapist in so many ways, mainly I think to drown out the screaming inside that comes with these PL issues. When I first got depression aged 18, my mother had me referred to a psychologist and he said quite extraordinarily, that he wondered if the source of my sorrow was from a past life, it was such a strange remark and sort of off the record and absolutely true. The guy admitted that he had an interest in parapsychology, but what synchronicity that someone should set the idea off in my head?! I always think its like living with your own ghosts that only you can see. I find interacting with people socially more difficult as the years pass, mainly because I find it hard to make small-talk, I'm not someone that does casual friendship, again an all or nothing scenario! I think there's something quite Germanic about that characteristic, that slightly solemn intense air, coupled with odd explosive exuberance when allowed to be free. I guess for any German whether Aryan or Jew, the national character was much the same, and maybe its another thing we all have in common.

Gosh - I don't how I'm managing to process all these things at once either!!LOL They've just been foisted on me, and I'm taking MisMir's advice by accepting that it must be the right time to be going through it, or else it wouldn't have all come crashing in when it did. Sometimes I have to sit back and shake my head, the thing with the blog guy is just so absurd, I've never met him, only exchanged a couple of emails, I had that strange dream and then it was like a portal opened up and suddenly I'm reliving past lives with a stranger! Yet it was much the same with my WW1 PL, the trigger was just a photo on the cover of the 'Melody maker' and before I know it, I'm traveling down wormholes into other dimensions! I had so much proof back then, the universe couldn't have been more bountiful in providing me with incredible synchronicity and confirmation, so I guess I have to accept that all this might be true too. I think you're right about us taking turns in dishing out pain to each other and for that reason, all of it is becoming a bit of a roller-coaster. Looking more closely as I am at the moment, to my 18th C life, what I've been shown is mainly good, I don't know what happened to the maid, I think this man wanted to marry her, but she refused him and it injured his pride most of all. He was no angel and quite a hell-raiser, but he didn't mean any malice. I like him more than Emil, perhaps because his life wasn't so short, violent and painful. Anyway, I shall just have to sit out the storm and as a wise friend of mine, used to say - trust the process. :-)

Thanks as always for your thoughts and input Jhwoodw, I find it so helpful to talk this through, somehow I feel like we're on the same page with our healing processes :-)

Liz x

[jhwoodw]

Lizzie

Yah, maybe it is an Anthro thing. ;D I would say we may all be a bit OCD, but most the Anthropologists I know are way to scattered to fit that description. LOL. You were lucky to have the therapist suggest PL to you so early on. I never had anyone tell me about it and had to find my own way here. It took a long time for me to learn about it and accept it. Coming from a traditional Catholic upbringing I didn’t even have anyone to bounce ideas off of, because my family would immediately react so defensively to even the suggestion that I might believe something different. I regret the lost time. There is so much potential for healing (or at least coping) that seems to come from facing my PL, once I push past the trauma. Did you start having regressions/feelings/memories right after he talked to you? You put it very well when you said it is like having ghosts only you can see. I think that is what made me worry I was nuts. I mean, how do you tell people this stuff, if they haven’t experienced it and have no reference point? And that, of course, is why I am so glad this site exists!

I think my social difficulty lately is for exactly the reason you stated. I am just so over the small talk. It seems like so much that people talk about just pale in comparison to the earth shattering experience I am going through with this right now, and even my studies and research were pushing out my ability to “chat” prior to all this. Partly, it is the repetition I started seeing in most of my conversations. I think most people only have a limited number of conversations in their life, they just do it over and over with new people. I really noticed that when I go backpacking/traveling. There is an actual “hostel broken record” and after a while you just don’t want to say the same things anymore!

Interesting point about the all or nothing characteristic of Germanic peoples. They certainly exhibited that during the holocaust! I always thought it came from the fact that my Mom is bi-polar (refuses treatment) and that I just naturally developed my habits to match or accommodate hers growing up, but maybe it’s a broader ethnic trait?

I can imagine it feels weird to connect or be triggered by someone you barely know. I have a friend who had a similar experience. She is a student of all things metaphysical and paranormal and I go to her often for new information, ideas, or direction. She told me that once she had met a man and they instantly felt like they knew each other and started becoming friends. On a long-distance drive (I don’t remember the circumstances but I think this is why they had met) they started discussing PLs. All of a sudden they had a joint regression into a PL they had shared. Unfortunately the information revealed was not joyful and upon resettling into their present selves the humiliating guilt of the one and extreme hatred of the other immediately ended their friendship. It is too bad they couldn’t heal together and move past it, as we are all trying to do here.

I have gotten to a place in the last week or so where everything seems to have settled. I think I have finally processed the information I have gotten and have begun healing. It is interesting though, now that the emotional trauma isn’t heightened and I can once again be my logical self, I keep making all these connections to things from my early life! Stuff I always thought was strange or knew weren’t normal all of a sudden have explanations! I like this part of the journey. Thank you too, for your comments and conversation. I also feel we are on the same page, and it is so nice to have someone to talk to.

[Leutnantzursee]

Hello again :-) I'm so sorry jhwoodj, I completely missed your last comment when you posted it, I've been a bit more busy and preoccupied lately, so I've not been on SR very regularly in recent months. No, I never had an inkling about my PL as Emil until last summer, though I suspected for a while that I'd had some sort of past life in Germany. Nothing got triggered at that early point, but it made me look into reincarnation and I've never lost my fascination! I was spared any kind of religious upbringing myself, my parents were both agnostic and fairly secular as a lot of British families are generally. My dad was quite open to the idea of reincarnation funnily enough, he was rather psychic in a lot of ways, he certainly believed in ghosts as he'd seen and heard some pretty weird things and I have no idea where he picked it up, but he could read palms! Oddly, I went through a phase of interest in Catholicism in my teens and joined an Anglican high church, I wonder now if that was down to Emil, as I suspect being Austrian he was brought up Catholic. These days my spiritual interests lie in Shamanism, something that I think Emil was drawn to, being attracted to the 'blood and soil' ethos of Nazi doctrine. I think like a lot of Germans then, I conveniently turned away from the evidence all around me that stung my conscience, which is why maybe now I'm so political and anti-oppression and racism.

That's a sad story about your friend, this does happen from time to time, I think when we take an instant dislike to someone for no reason that can be down to a PL, but in most cases i doubt people would consider this to be the reason. It is a shame that they couldn't get past the initial feelings as you say, it seems like it was a great opportunity to heal. I don't know if I can face Lisi in this life or not, in one way I'm really curious to meet this man, but in another I'm deadly afraid he'll feel some kind of disquieting feeling that will repel him from me, its just something I need more time with before I make a move to meet up with him, that is, if he even wants to. :-( I've recently returned from from meeting up with a lady on this forum that i struck up a friendship with when I first joined, it was an incredible experience for both of us and left us in no doubt that we're deeply connected on a soul level. I feel like I need to process that before tackling Lisi! But from the point of view of being able to laugh bitterly and cry from the heart about our PL's in Nazi Germany, it was immensely healing and insightful, and proved to me that no matter how bad and misguided we were in a PL, we can come back as the epitome of kindness and compassion in this one. This journey never ceases to amaze me, what I am learning about karma and how it actually works, the deep loving gift this lifetime brings to heal is astonishing for both sides :-) I hope you're still finding answers and some peace at last, let me know how you're doing :-)

Hugs Liz x