Post by Iseke on Oct 5, 2010 19:04:35 GMT -5
I've mentioned this lifetime in bits and pieces, and decided I'd share it here as it is a lifetime I am still healing from. It is one of my past lives that I have some of the most clear information about (for this very purpose--to heal from it).
I do not have specifics yet of a date and location, but I know it took place somewhere in mainland Africa before the 1800s. Some of the following account is pretty disturbing.
My first memory of this lifetime happened when I was two. I had climbed up onto the counter at my grandparents' house and dug around in the medicine cabinet (where the chewable fruit vitamins were) and ate some blood thinner pills instead. My grandma found me, and then...
She was wearing a long yellow dress. She carried me in her arms (although I didn't see either of our bodies) through a field of golden grasses. We approached a thatched hut surrounded by nothing but this field, and she placed me on a cot inside. An African man (I couldn't describe the dress, but I think he had very few garments on that I could see) was there and he leaned over to give me something. That was all I remembered.
What actually happened (I found this out later because my mom had written it down for me) was that my grandmother found me, called the hospital, and was advised I be taken in just to be sure. I was driven to the hospital and given ipecac. To this day, being carried to the African hut is my only memory of that event.
At the age of 7, I woke up one day with an agonizing pain in my foot. The best way to describe it is that it felt like gout (so painful even a sheet was too much pressure), although it was across the bottom of my foot rather than the usual area for gout. I stayed home from school that day and my mom massaged it, thinking it was a muscular pain. It didn't exactly feel like a muscular pain, or even pain in the skin. It just hurt and I was not able to walk on it. The next day, it was gone, just as mysteriously as it had come.
At the age of 22, I had had a very upsetting dream. In the dream, I was the current me watching a news special on TV. A reporter was in Africa doing a report on a woman and her living situation. The woman was in a hut with her husband and two young boys. It was nighttime and the boys were crying. The woman's foot was grotesquely infected and there were rats scurrying all over trying to eat at the dying flesh. After that, I woke up with a sickening feeling. The woman in the "report" was me.
Prior to that I had encountered a few of those shock photos that trolls and spammers like to post to rile people up-- disgusting photos of terrifying medical conditions and so on. Being the daughter of a nurse, I had seen these kinds of pictures my whole life and found them gross yet mildly interesting. Around this time, however, I found them so upsetting. Especially photos and accounts of people suffering from any kind of necrosis. Something felt just evil about it to me. How could the human body be so cruel to itself? How could the physical world be so cruel to our bodies? I just couldn't sit right with it. It was around the time of this realization that I had had the dream.
The impression I got was that she had wounded her foot somehow but was unable to keep off of it as she had to keep working and living. She was never able to properly clean or take care of the wound. In meditation, I learned that my memory of being carried to the hut was to have that foot removed. I believe I died a few years after that of something unrelated.
In this lifetime, I suffer from OCD (not itself related to this particular lifetime though) and it revolves in large part around my feet. I clean and sanitize them constantly; I never allow my bare feet to touch "dirty" surfaces unless I am able to wash them soon after; I am obsessive about keeping shoes off of my carpet and keeping my bathmats clean; and so on. On the plus side, I take very good care of my injuries!
Since the dream and the following meditations, my visceral reaction to grotesque imagery or stories I come across has waned. I remembered reading in one of Brian Weiss's books that the things we fear the most have likely already happened. My deep fear reflected not a potential future, but my past, and it was in looking at this past that I was able to release some of the fear of being physical and the risks that come with it.
This lifetime is very much connected with my lifetime in the Holocaust in terms of my healing. In my last lifetime I was a nurse and probably saw much of this kind of thing, on top of seeing and taking part in the horrible suffering of the camps. In this lifetime, I have a lot of fear that surrounds my physical body. This is what I am working hard to heal from now.
Although I believe the purpose of remembering this lifetime was to heal the trauma with my foot, if I discover any new information about this lifetime and learn any other important events that might have happened, I will share them in this thread.
I do not have specifics yet of a date and location, but I know it took place somewhere in mainland Africa before the 1800s. Some of the following account is pretty disturbing.
My first memory of this lifetime happened when I was two. I had climbed up onto the counter at my grandparents' house and dug around in the medicine cabinet (where the chewable fruit vitamins were) and ate some blood thinner pills instead. My grandma found me, and then...
She was wearing a long yellow dress. She carried me in her arms (although I didn't see either of our bodies) through a field of golden grasses. We approached a thatched hut surrounded by nothing but this field, and she placed me on a cot inside. An African man (I couldn't describe the dress, but I think he had very few garments on that I could see) was there and he leaned over to give me something. That was all I remembered.
What actually happened (I found this out later because my mom had written it down for me) was that my grandmother found me, called the hospital, and was advised I be taken in just to be sure. I was driven to the hospital and given ipecac. To this day, being carried to the African hut is my only memory of that event.
At the age of 7, I woke up one day with an agonizing pain in my foot. The best way to describe it is that it felt like gout (so painful even a sheet was too much pressure), although it was across the bottom of my foot rather than the usual area for gout. I stayed home from school that day and my mom massaged it, thinking it was a muscular pain. It didn't exactly feel like a muscular pain, or even pain in the skin. It just hurt and I was not able to walk on it. The next day, it was gone, just as mysteriously as it had come.
At the age of 22, I had had a very upsetting dream. In the dream, I was the current me watching a news special on TV. A reporter was in Africa doing a report on a woman and her living situation. The woman was in a hut with her husband and two young boys. It was nighttime and the boys were crying. The woman's foot was grotesquely infected and there were rats scurrying all over trying to eat at the dying flesh. After that, I woke up with a sickening feeling. The woman in the "report" was me.
Prior to that I had encountered a few of those shock photos that trolls and spammers like to post to rile people up-- disgusting photos of terrifying medical conditions and so on. Being the daughter of a nurse, I had seen these kinds of pictures my whole life and found them gross yet mildly interesting. Around this time, however, I found them so upsetting. Especially photos and accounts of people suffering from any kind of necrosis. Something felt just evil about it to me. How could the human body be so cruel to itself? How could the physical world be so cruel to our bodies? I just couldn't sit right with it. It was around the time of this realization that I had had the dream.
The impression I got was that she had wounded her foot somehow but was unable to keep off of it as she had to keep working and living. She was never able to properly clean or take care of the wound. In meditation, I learned that my memory of being carried to the hut was to have that foot removed. I believe I died a few years after that of something unrelated.
In this lifetime, I suffer from OCD (not itself related to this particular lifetime though) and it revolves in large part around my feet. I clean and sanitize them constantly; I never allow my bare feet to touch "dirty" surfaces unless I am able to wash them soon after; I am obsessive about keeping shoes off of my carpet and keeping my bathmats clean; and so on. On the plus side, I take very good care of my injuries!
Since the dream and the following meditations, my visceral reaction to grotesque imagery or stories I come across has waned. I remembered reading in one of Brian Weiss's books that the things we fear the most have likely already happened. My deep fear reflected not a potential future, but my past, and it was in looking at this past that I was able to release some of the fear of being physical and the risks that come with it.
This lifetime is very much connected with my lifetime in the Holocaust in terms of my healing. In my last lifetime I was a nurse and probably saw much of this kind of thing, on top of seeing and taking part in the horrible suffering of the camps. In this lifetime, I have a lot of fear that surrounds my physical body. This is what I am working hard to heal from now.
Although I believe the purpose of remembering this lifetime was to heal the trauma with my foot, if I discover any new information about this lifetime and learn any other important events that might have happened, I will share them in this thread.
Some of it I am not at all ready to heal from though.. and you know what I am referring to. 
