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Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 9, 2010 5:45:44 GMT -5
If you were a Jew/any other type of Holocaust victim who was sent to a camp, what were you doing right before the Gestapo/Nazis sent you there? What was it like?
If you were a Nazi/supporter, what was your first trip to a camp like if you went to a camp?
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Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 9, 2010 6:54:09 GMT -5
In my 15 years, I had never experienced such a sense of heaviness in my Grandmother's house before. My Grandmother and I both knew that they were coming tomorrow. Tonight was to be like any other night...to sleep in our own beds, to stay in the warmth and comfort of our home...but I just couldn't enjoy this freedom. My stomach was twisted in so many knots that it was nearly painful to even just lie on my bed. Most people did not have the, "luxury," of knowing that they were going to be taken away...even fewer seemed to know what happened to those who were taken, but we were pretty sure that it was not good. For a few years now, in the middle of the night, I would awaken to the sounds of boots treading hurriedly on the pavement preceeding the sound of a large truck parking on our street. Muffled men's voices spat angry words, banging sounds came from the neighbor's house, harmonizing with the melody of the truck's idling engine. Sometimes there was crying or sounds of fear that wrenched my heart...other times, just the sounds of footsteps, but the truck would eventually drive away and we would find out that our neighbors were gone. Thankfully, this didn't happen every night. As the years progressed, it started happening in the view of the Sun.
Grandmother had gotten a call...something concerning my parents and a camp... We knew. My Grandmother tried to console me...she held my little sister, Marie, trying to make her feel safe as she spoke in a coded language to me about how to accept what was to come, but I couldn't...no matter how hard I tried. The closest I got to acceptance was resignation. Marie would never be able to understand; she had been around for 6 or 7 years now and all of that time, she never knew that we were part Jewish. We kept it from her because she was born into such dangerous days.
My Grandmother informed me that she would allow Marie to sleep in her bed that night, and that I should join them. On almost any other night, I would have refused that offer without a second thought...but it felt as if this were the last night that I had to do something nice for my Grandmother, and all she wanted was to be close to her girls for as long as she could.
The next morning, we woke up early, got washed and dressed, just like any other day. This morning, I had something important to do, though, before I joined my family for our last breakfast together. My Stradivarius...my first and only true love...was safely hidden beneath my bed as the empty case stood in my room. They may have been able to take me, but I'd be damned before I'd make it easy for them to take my violin.
I stared at my warm cup of tea, the beige puddle in the fine china before me at the table. We were silent. The sound of a truck...the booted feet, jogging... You'd think you'd cry...run...shake...ANYTHING...but we were still and silent. All of our eyes darted from the table and to and from one another as they knocked loudly at the door. Our maid walked down the hall to answer the door, but apparently, they were quite impatient. There was a loud sound as they kicked the door in and our maid screamed. The stomping of the boots were now in my own foyer, the voices no longer muffled. I hope they let me go to the bathroom. That was my only thought. I need to go to the bathroom...what if they don't let me?
The Gestapo told us to get one small bag, each, and to do it quickly. Fast, move, let's go! I slowly walked up the stairs as a Gestapo man followed me, then I paused in the hallway. He asked me why I had stopped, what was I doing, and I asked him if I could go to the bathroom. He said I could, but he was to stand in the bathroom with me. How...dehumanizing. A 15 year old female having to urinate in the presence of a strange, grown man. Next, he and I headed for my room. I instantly grabbed the empty violin case, then looked around the room. Strange... How could all of this been so significant to me before? I turned calmly to him after looking at my room...one last time... He looked at me and asked me if that was all I was taking, meaning my violin case. I said that everything...in my room...was just so meaningless to me. I had all I needed. We walked into the hall, and paused once more, to his great annoyance. WHAT NOW? I just looked at him and said: What took you so long?
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Post by Laurasia on Sept 9, 2010 12:14:01 GMT -5
My goodness Luna, those are some very detailed memories! How wonderful that you're able to remember so clearly. Well...it would be much better if you were remembering something pleasant, but still.
I believe that the first camp I was assigned to after joining the SS was Dachau for training. I haven't actually recalled my arrival to the camp however. I have recalled some of my early training that was geared to desensitize me to treating "inferiors" in certain ways & things of that nature, but not my actual arrival.
Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 9, 2010 12:28:27 GMT -5
Thank you! When I try to talk about my memories with people, sometimes I can see them getting bored with it, because I tell it like it happened only a few years ago and it gets kind of all over the place. I hope this format works. As for the memory...it's one of the most heart-breaking ones I have...I feel the dread and resignation...thevery real feeling of how all of my belongings except for my violin just looked like...pieces of things that I just no longer had any attachment to...it was scary and strange.
Actually getting into the camp was...different.
I would really be interested in knowing what your initial thoughts were when you came to the camp if you remember one day!
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Post by msmir on Sept 9, 2010 23:46:28 GMT -5
Well because I was only 4 years old before I was taken, and your long term memories literally start developing around that time, you may remember things as an adult from when you were 4 or 5.. but the memories will be fuzzy, unless something significant happened that would give you a clear memory for later on. But I have had a recurring dream from time to time about putting my quilt on the bottom drawer of my wooden chest (everything was wooden back then like the blond parke (sp?) flooring... and I also put a teddy bear (not sure if they were called teddy bears but it was a stuffed bear) on the bottom of the drawer before going to bed... and there was some kind of music box music going... everytime I hear music from a music box, I feel so sad...and that was the same night, right before the SS barged into our apartment.. and snatched us I get so sad after I think about that.. and the funny thing, for my 4th birthday in this life, I got a Bugs Bunny doll and LITERALLY clung onto it and had a panic attack if anyone dared to steal it and I used to get aggressive with my little brother when he threatened to break my bunny.... just because he was being a little s* LOL. I never brought it to school because I knew I HAD to leave it home but when I left it in my room, I swaddled it with a bunch of blankets and kept it on my bed.. and made sure he was safe.. as the first thing I asked my mom when she picked me up as "is Bugs Bunny okay?" LOL. It was time that I had to let go, yes at age 10 I finally let go of Bugs Bunny.. the thing was disintegrating.. it was time for it to go, and my mom finally took it away once and for all.. because my obsession with it was just obsessive but handled Bugs Bunny being taken okay... I guess I must have in my last life been so tied to my little bear that I was torn away from.. and Bugs Bunny reminded me subconsciously of that bear that I was torn away from, until I knew it was okay to let him go... sad how I was so attached to that thing for 6 years to the point it was disintegrating and it got to a point I was swaddling it like a newborn when it started getting old. I HAD to sleep next to it or else.. if it was away from me especially at bed time I would have had a total meltdown. AGH, my daughter also is attached to her stuffed animals to the same degree as I am for understandable reasons in her case.. but its getting to a point with her too where enough is enough. I know it's common for little kids to become attached to a toy but...I bet many times extreme and morbid attachments like that are a result of past life trauma! I bet anything it is.. for me I know it was because of that bear and for my daughter her's is due to losing her child and husband in her last life.
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Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 10, 2010 5:39:01 GMT -5
That is so sad, Mir! It's like you wanted a second chance!
Did they get you guys at night?
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Post by msmir on Sept 10, 2010 14:32:14 GMT -5
I brought back my separation anxiety traits into this life from the next And yeah it was like 4am
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Post by privatetucker on Sept 10, 2010 18:48:55 GMT -5
Oh wow...those are really sad, traumatic memories for you both. *hugs*
Luna, I don't mind this format at all, and I certainly think none of us would get bored with you sharing them, not at all! ^^;
I don't have any memories of when I was taken to Auschwitz, or even of the ghetto beforehand.
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Post by sweetlunapie on Sept 10, 2010 20:38:51 GMT -5
Hugging you back, PrivateTucker! It was sad, but it can give me insight on appreciating freedom. Thank you for saying that the format isn't boring! Thank you for reading it!
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Post by msmir on Sept 11, 2010 1:14:03 GMT -5
Thanks, yes it was so sad.. I am terrified of my freedom being taken away again but I know in my heart it won't be.. I just need to work for it in this life because I unfortunately have karma in regards to me abusing my freedom in the life before my last one... that is why I became a parent And you do become used to the lifestyle but I can't wait for the days where I can pick up and go where and whenever I want... ahhh even though I love my kids, I admit I look forward to the day they leave the nest It will make me appreciate freedom that much more.. not that I don't have any freedom now, I have more now than I did when they were infants
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Post by privatetucker on Sept 12, 2010 23:03:14 GMT -5
Can't quite say I understand the parenting thing considering I'm only 19. And, what do you mean, Miriam, on the karma thing, exactly? I don't really get how karma works to begin with...
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Post by Laurasia on Sept 17, 2010 19:20:16 GMT -5
Hi Tucker. I believe that Miriam is referring to the fact that in her Victorian lifetime, which obviously pre-dated her lifetime during the Holocaust, she had a ton of freedom & abused it terribly. After that life she experienced the Holocaust one in which her freedom was literalyl taken away from her. Now in this life she has her freedom, but is a parent which infringes on her personal freedom (but definitely nowhere near the extent of something like the Nazi regine!) & she now has to learn how to balance between having her freedom but also being comfortable with not being able to completely indulge her every whim with it. Hopefully I wrote that in a way that can be followed. Karma is essentially cause & effect, which is there to help us find a balance in every aspect of our lives. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by privatetucker on Sept 17, 2010 21:36:38 GMT -5
Yeah, you made sense. *nod* I understand a bit better now.
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Post by msmir on Sept 17, 2010 21:40:54 GMT -5
Thank you for explaining that Laurasia, yes.. that is what I meant Tucker and sorry for not explaining much before. Karma is all about cause and effect. That does not necessarily mean say if you murder someone in one life, that person will murder you in your next life. There are plenty of other ways for karma to be balanced.. your soul before your upcoming incarnation will decide what lessons will be most effective to balance previous life karma.. and will agree to go through it. If the lessons are missed or ignored in that life, then the soul will decide another way to balance karma in the next life which many times may be even harsher just so you in the end "get it".
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Sept 25, 2010 14:04:49 GMT -5
luna,
I very much like reading about your recollections. The format is fine and it is most certainly not boring. *hugs*
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