Possible PL breakthrough with Emil

[Leutnantzursee]

I've had an odd few days of coming back to Emil once again after a bit of a break when other stuff took over, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. I kept wondering why I felt so sure that I'd been incarcerated back then if I'd been a Nazi and died in service. Then it struck me, did I actually end my days as a POW? If I can backtrack to when I first had an inkling of being around in the 40's, I think I had a big clue then as to Emil's fate. A good few years ago I kept thinking about the Holocaust and if I'd lived through it, I couldn't bring myself to even watch Schindler's list and knowing that I'd been Jewish in my WW1 life, I figured I might have been Jewish again and suffered a terrible end at a camp. One night I had a strange vivid dream in which I saw what looked like some kind of identity papers, on them was the photograph of a young man and these words drifted into my awareness - Peter Schreiber schlaagen - I had no idea what Schreiber or schlaagen meant ( I really don't know any German these days!) and as I'd only heard them, it took a few goes to get the spelling right and enter them into google search. I found that 'Schreiber' means 'writer' or is a surname and that schlaagen meant to 'hit or beat' usually a pugilistic term. I didn't really know what to make of it at the time, but thought that maybe a Peter Schreiber was significant to me or that it might have been my PL name. I was always left wondering why there was a reference to violence like that though.

I decided to write a novel about two years ago, not long after this dream and I don't know why, but something about German POW's seemed to fascinate me at this point, particularly the stories of those survivors from British POW camps who had settled in England and married local women after their repatriation. So I wrote a not very good novel along the lines of German boy meets English girl, sleeping with the enemy sort of thing, but a lot of other threads crept in and this is what initially prompted me to do those regressions last summer. I wrote in first person narrative as a Luftwaffe pilot who begins his days a fervent Nazi supporter back in the era of the Weimar republic and in some sections, as I wrote, I felt more like I was remembering things, particularly the boy's bedroom in an apartment block in Berlin.

Then yesterday as I was doing some work on tracing local ley lines (yes, I have strange geeky hobbies!!LOL) I found that my house is on an alignment with the remains of a long abandoned POW camp here in Sheffield - known as 'Redmires camp'. When I was researching for my novel, i asked my partner to drive me out there as I was curious, there wasn't a lot of the old place left, just thistle-bound concrete foundations and young pines cutting through the masonry. The place had a palpable eerie atmosphere and I sensed the presence of a spirit - a very angry and hostile German prisoner, full of resentment and an adamant Nazi. Yet I didn't feel afraid of him and I sensed that he followed me home. He tried to trip me up and cause accidents a couple of times, but I let it be known that he didn't frighten me and that he'd best 'eff off' if he was going to continue making a nuisance of himself! By this time, I was beginning to nurse the troubling question of whether I was a reincarnated Nazi, and somehow I felt that I was able to communicate with this spirit because I knew his mindset well, too well. He seemed to get moved on pretty swiftly thankfully, and hasn't bothered me since, but it was after that, that I started getting other visitations from discarnate Germans, many of whom seemed to be looking curiously over my shoulder as I wrote! It was at that point I knew I had to do some kind of regression and find out the truth for once and for all. Of course you know the story from here... It was only because this ley line connects me to Redmires camp that I kind of had a Eureka moment. it made sense of something that's been troubling me for years - why do I imprison myself in my house? Why do I feel so depressed living in Sheffield, like I'm condemned to serve some kind of sentence here? I know I'm connected to this land from a PL in the Neolithic, when I was a girl from a local tribe who lived pretty much on the same spot my house is built on, could it be possible that I'd lived here too far more recently? I know from a very rare book about German POW's in Britain, that there was a man murdered at Redmires, he was beaten to death for 'betraying the fatherland' (the camp was host to 'black' graded prisoners - in other words those who were still fervent Nazis). The ringleader was apparently hanged in London in 1947, could this have been the spirit that followed me home? Could I have been involved in this horrible altercation? I know that neither men were called Emil Hennings or anything vaguely resembling that, but because of the reference to schlaagen in that dream, I can't help but wonder if I was implicated in this somehow? Even if it wasn't in Sheffield, could I have ended my days somewhere else in England, either way, destined to be reborn in the place I died in my last life? I know that prior to this I've thought that I was blown up on the Scharnhorst or a U-boat, but I've never actually seen Emils' death, so I don't know really what happened to him - so many questions!

Sorry for the very long ramble, but its been helpful for me to put all these whirring thoughts into some kind of semblance of order. I can't help but wonder if the theme of my novel, was simply me being shown the life I could have had, if I had not died young (which I'm sure I did) maybe I would have been granted repatriation and fallen for a local lass, who I expect would probably be the soul of my present hubby, either way we would have been destined to live together in Sheffield! I found it so hard to write that book, it isn't any great work of art, but maybe it was for my benefit alone, a way for my subconscious to tell me about Emil, albeit with the finer details changed. Well, I'll let you know if any more comes up! Thanks for reading and bearing with me, any thoughts gratefully received as always.

[eiszeit]

That's absolutely fascinating, about the book! I'd say it helped piece things together in some way, and was definitely beneficial to you. That's what matters the most.

I'm really glad that you had this experience and that pieces are potentially starting to fall together. It's interesting how you can have such connections to places you've been in past lives, and how these connections can continue to affect you even after you've ended one life and begun another.

I wish you luck in further developments! Please keep us updated on the situation!

[Laurasia]

Hi Liz.

Very interesting indeed. And to have all of this come together & help you to see the connections between multiple former incarnations....that's just wonderful, hon!

Have you ever tried to simply meditate on Emil's death in particular? Believe me I know that it's not the most pleasant recollection to recall one's own death (especially if it was violent), but if you are ready to see it & are able to bring it to the front it may answer many of your questions for you. If you haven't deliberately tried meditating on it before I'd say give it a go. Just don't push the issue too much if you don't recall anything because you may not be ready to remember. I've made that mistake before with trying to forceably recall one of my past deaths before I was ready to do so & the result was not nice at all.

By all means keep sharing all of this & getting it down in one place, it definately helps with being able to access everything later on. And trust me, especially after you've recalled a lot, it's nice to not have to try & sift through your memory for every detail.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks Eisziet and Laurasia :-) yes it is weird about this connection to Sheffield Eiszeit, it's really so much because I dislike the place so much, or rather feel it doesn't like me that I begun to dig deeper, I really do have odd karma with this land. The thing is that I love the countryside outside of the city, Derbyshire especially, there are loads of ancient sacred sites there and I feel deeply spiritually connected to it in a very beneficial way. I think back in prehistory it would have been more like that in Sheffield, so its more the city that bothers me I guess, that would make sense if I had known it as Emil.

Laurasia - yes I think that's an excellent idea about doing some meditation, thanks - though as you say, the prospect of reliving ones' death is a bit scary :-( I'll take your advice and proceed with care, but yes it's time to dig deeper and it keeps calling to me, so I'll go with it. :-)

I'm going to definitely use this thread for my personal memories and you're right it will be really helpful to have it in some order, so I don't forget any important things - so here goes *takes deep breath...* LOL ;-)

[Leutnantzursee]

My PL memories of Lietnant zer se Emil Hennings...

During my PL regression first go (which was a ten minute Youtube video) I felt myself melting into this very young man who was sitting on a train. The tape asked me to look at what was on my feet and I saw that I was wearing brown leather boots and khaki trousers, as I zoned up I saw that I was wearing a leather belt tied over my shoulder and a swastika armband. My heart was racing and I felt this strange imprint of a young testosterone filled mind seeping into my own, he felt very self-righteous and pleased with himself, all around him were the propaganda posters of the day and the odd advertisement, it was 1936. The uniform looked very reminiscent of the old SA uniforms, but I'm not sure if it existed in that form at so late a late with the prominence of the SS at that time, but lately I think it was the kit of an HJ youth leader, so maybe that was what I was wearing? I was left with a distinct energy imprint for an hour or so after this first intrepid toe-dip into regression, I could feel so much power coming from my solar plexis chakra and it was so different to mine, so male and focused, it was really weird and disconcerting.

The second go was a much longer and deeper session in which I recorded the tape and played it back whilst in deep relaxation. I got a lot more even though the actual recall session was only 30 minutes or so. I went back to being 15 years old, I'm sitting in the passenger seat of one of those old early 1930's cars which has faded and slightly dogeared red leather upholstery. I see a smiling lady in her late 50's - early 60's get briskly into the driver's seat, she wears a flowery summer dress and a hat with a flower on it, she oddly reminds me of my great grandmother in this life, except with twinkling blue eyes and a slightly different nose. In her hand is a basket with what looks like baguettes and patisseries in. I know she isn't my grandmother and I sense that she's my adopted mother, a Great aunt who's taken me in and we love each other very much, I know I feel completely safe with this lady. She tells me off for making a mess in the car, I look down and I have my trousers rolled up and sand on my feet. I'm guessing we must be either visiting, or living near the coast somewhere in Germany.

Next I move on to a memory I'm supposed (according to the tape) feel most proud of - in this memory I'm about ten years old and singing in a choir. It seems to be some kind of school or civic hall and its a singing contest. I can hear myself singing this song, one I remember hearing as a child in this life and being totally fascinated by it, I've since discovered what it is - 'Bist du bei mir' attributed to Bach. I won the contest that day and my 'Tanti' is making a big fuss of me, I feel so proud and happy and now of course I know why I love that piece of music so much. I then seem to drift in and out of memories of my old home, the windows are obscured by swathes of white lace, the windowsill is this very dark, stained type of wood and the the glass seems a bit grubby, perhaps blackened by coal fire soot or something like that, I sense we live in an apartment in the basement as it seems a bit gloomy and in the shade although outside its sunny. Even the table has a lace tablecloth on with a Tyrolean pattern on the hem, for some reason there's a bowl with walnuts on the table and they look dusty!

Then I move on to seeing a birthday, I think its mine and I'm home on leave, I first see the sleeve of the naval uniform and I'm carrying a package of sweets and pastries I must have got on my way home. Various elderly folk sit ruminating and my aunt laughs and tells me to sit down, there's a big spongecake and other assorted goodies on the table. I see my little sister, a small pale little girl with thick horn rimmed spectacles on, which make her eyes look like huge light grey saucers. The next scene I drift into is of Emil painting in his bedroom on an easel. I seem to be painting this little landscape and Lisi (who's name I've recovered) is dancing about behind me, lost in a world of her own, I feel slightly irritated by her as a big brother would (LOL!) but I know I love her, I know she looks up to me as I'm a fair bit older than her. The bedroom I see is just like the one I wrote about in my novel, it has lino and a small single bed with a crucifix over it and some biblical motif embroidered wall hangings. There's one tall wardrobe and a set of draws that contain my clothes, most of the time I'm bored and erm...well lets suffice to say, that I pass my time doing what most adolescent boys do in the privacy of their bedrooms (I keep some saucy postcards under my mattress, I see!)

Then I'm asked by the tape to venture into my most shameful memory and I see myself signing a piece of paper, I know it has to do with handing Lisi over to the authorities, I'm on leave and frustrated by it all, I can't take care of her, I have no choice, I just block it out and tell myself everything will be fine, even though deep down inside I know that isn't the case. I know that she has poor eyesight, maybe she was simply blind, but I also felt like she had something slightly wrong with her leg and as Gwida said previously, was rather shy and introverted.

Eventually, I see a final scene in which I seem to be on board what looks like a primitive aircraft carrier. I see my naval sleeve and the two stripes (which was the insignia for a junior rank officer) and I'm carrying some kind of attache case. I'm gazing down pensively to boot level, and as I look up at the various feet standing in a semi circle around me, they seem to be Luftwaffe pilots, one is holding a map and there's a solemn, silent air to it all. I can see the mesh floor beneath us and the deck below, big grey pipes and creaking bolts on the iron walls, its horribly dark, lit only by a few deck lights. This huge and palpable impending sense of terror begins to take me over, I'm feeling the fear of a man who knows that whatever he's going to do next could have a 50/50 outcome, either I will live or I will die. I can feel these feelings exactly as they must have happened, as if I was actually there - this was the most vivid recollection - and terrifying, yet being a young man I felt his taste for adventure, despite the terror and the knowledge that at all costs, I must keep my feelings in check. I'd been programmed to overcome feelings of vulnerability and perhaps for the first time, I want to break down... the scene dissipates and I'm left wondering what on Earth I was going to, it felt as if I was going to go on board a U-boat, but why the pilots?

OK... that's what I have from my first regressions under self-hypnosis. There's more from a later session, but I'll post them later!

[Leutnantzursee]

Some of my childhood promptings...

I just thought I'd post quickly tonight as I've had a bit of a lousy day. My cat is poorly and we've been given an iffy prognosis for her. So for now I'm just going to describe some of those little things from my childhood that might have been clues or evidence for my PL as Emil, before I go back to my regressions.

One of my earliest nightmares was dreaming of skeletons and decomposing bodies, oozing out of mud, I'd have been about three when they began. I would wake up absolutely terrified and sometimes this strange chemical smell would linger in my nose. It was the same smell as this plastic my mum bought her woolen yarns in, the smell made me feel really scared and my throat would tighten. This may have been WW1, maybe mustard gas? I don't know, or could it be from the Eizengruppe? I don't know, so far I haven't unearthed evidence of Emil being in the SS, but that isn't to say that he wasn't. I ended up developing a phobia about bones, especially skulls, to the point I'd try and avoid seeing them at any cost. For some reason I just outgrew it, and eventually went on to do a degree in archaeology where I regularly handled bones with no problems at all!

I can remember being fascinated by Germany and all things Tyrolean from an early age. I went through a phase of wanting a derndyl dress, I suppose to a reincarnated Nazi man, these would have been the desired clothes of women during the Reich that might be the reason?! I used to love the Sound of music so much! Ralf especially interested me, I always felt so sad when he joined the HJ, yet I was sort of drawn to his uniform. Mountains have always fascinated me and I love old folk tales, always have. I remember when they showed the TV series 'Colditz' in the 70's - I was so engrossed, I was allowed to stay up and watch it. I even played a pretend game with a friend at junior school, her parents owned an off license (that's a liquor store to you American folk here! ) and we'd disappear into the cellar and act out something from a Gestapo prison (!) with one of us sitting in a chair while the other pretended to be interrogating the 'prisoner'! It's true to say I overdosed on war films as a kid, and it was always the Germans that I wanted to know more about, I recall I'd often volunteer to be the German soldier if I was playing war games with my boy mates at school as well! ;D

As you know, my father spent a chunk of his childhood in Nazi occupied Jersey. He used to tell me so many tales about the German personnel on the island, some were very touching, like those memories he had of playing football with the humble Heer, others were more chilling like the presence of the Gestapo and the SS who took over my grandfather's bar at nights. I could always see it so clearly in my head, maybe it was just that dad was a good storyteller, but maybe it was that I felt a connection, I think I did, but would never have made the leap to it being a possible PL memory. I've got on well with Germans in this life, many times I've struck up conversations with them and we've clicked, I don't know why, but I seem to know so many people with German ancestry, I have it too, its just kind of spooky. I recall one very specific meeting with a German woman when my grandparents sold their house. I was about nine or so and I jumped onto her lap like a flippn' cat (which she didn't mind at all) and I proceeded to ask her a barrage of questions about the countryside of Germany and the folklore. Naturally my slightly uncomfortable grandparents who remembered the war only too well, shifted in their seats and cleared throats - but I was undeterred and she was so sweet to me. That encounter has always stuck in my mind and now its significance seems obvious. I loathed Nazis from the outset in this life, I would defend any kid being bullied that's for sure. It was and still is - the Nazi politics that abhorred me, not the people themselves - I always felt they had a side of the story to tell, they couldn't all have been heartless monsters, I know that now more than ever.

Well, that will do for now - thanks for reading if you catch this, I know its more for my own benefit, a sort of journal, so any comments or thoughts are a real bonus for me.

I'll keep this updated as it unfolds!

[Storm]

Warning some members may find the following distressing

Hey hon,

I think it's really good that you are posting all this and getting it out of you. Even though I had to take down a lot of my stuff, as you know, it helped to get it out of my system. I hope this helps you as much.

I know we have talked about Emil and your dreams and the possibility of him having been in the SS. Your earliest nightmares do seem to have aspects in which are similar to mine, except I did not see the bodies in my dreams. I just knew they were there, thousands of them, and that I had somehow killed them but could not remember. It was a truly horrible feeling knowing you had killed people, there is nothing like it as a person crosses a line when they take another life. I always knew when I woke up from those dreams that they represented something real. As I may have said some time ago on another thread I did wonder if I had been a serial killer and began to read up on them and then I realised that I could not have been because I just could not do it. My deepest conviction was that I could never have done anything like that, there is not even a morbid curiosity there, so I was back to the drawing board until all this force its way out. My very earliest nightmares were of being chased through woods by spirits who were angry with me, probably those who in later dreams I was aware of having killed in some way. Of course RH did not actually do the killing himself, he just authorised it, which may account for the inability to remember the deeds but the awareness of being responsible.

What freaked me out was finding evidence that just before RH died he tasked a colleague with exhuming many of the bodies and "cleaning up" the Aktion sites. So he must have actually died with it on his mind. Maybe that was why I started having the dreams as a tiny child in this life.

Your nightmares do seem to reflect what it would have been like when those bodies were exhumed and prior to, when they were coming up out of the ground, but that does not mean Emil was in the SS or an Einsatz man necessarily of course, could he maybe have known some and heard the stories and been haunted by them, imagining it, and the trauma carried over? It is something which you may want to explore more and we can do a regression session when you visit next. x

OF course now so many SS are indeed women and myself and my freind are discovering that so many if not all the Aktion sites and camp sites are on places connecting to ancient Goddess worship, it does open a new dimension to the whole Holocaust issue which I do feel we need to explore more. I remain convinced on an esoteric level, (especially knowing Himmler's interest in the Goddess and Paganism), that somehow Nazism was connected to a manifestation of the suppressed feminine energy which behaved as a mother with Münchhausen's syndrome and effectively killed her children to get attention.

Nightmares are definitely reflective of our fears and I think where one has recurring ones with a specific theme, especially those that haunt us, they can often hold clues to our pasts and also to the wider energies we connect into.

If Jung is correct that there is this collective unconscious of mankind which we all tap into then some of what we get may not always directly apply to us as individuals, and may just be part of the wider collective pain and garbage humanity has caused over the millennia, especially from regimes we were maybe a part of or ideologies we added our own energies to by buying in to them in former existences. Maybe at this time of planetary healing those of us with connections to certain events in history can take on aspects of that and heal it? By becoming consciously aware of lingering agony within this collective unconscious and the planetary field maybe we can help to transmute the darkness into light? The very fact it is referred to as an unconscious may hold a clue and suggest we actually need to become consciously aware of it and how we connect in. To illuminate the darkness by confronting it and utilising it in transformational and healing work. This is something all of us can do, both on our own personal journeys and in general. Imagine how amazingly healing it would be if every human being was aware of the energy in that collective record of humanity and that they were able to somehow integrate and transmute into positive life experience and healing aspects which directly applied to them and their own journey? Is this partly what Jung was onto? Is this perhaps the origin of the shadow self?

For now you are doing the right thing by focusing on the personal. that needs to be healed. So when you get upset, even though it hurts, you are actually healing. The loss and pain has to be mourned. I sometimes sit and howl over the Holocaust and over the general waste of life on all sides that awful war brought about, as well as the wars which still rumble on around us. And I too get upset over the more personal stuff I won't go into. That is how we transmute dark into light, by literally going into it and lightening it up. You know how one gets a calm feeling of resignation at the end of a good cry, well it's kind of similar it's just that it is years and maybe even centuries of pain we are all working through, so the good cry can seem to be ongoing for a long time and can feel insurmountable at times. It isn't though. It really does start to change into a deeper spiritual awareness, because that is the only place it can lead, if we let it. It is so important to be kind to yourself on these journeys. Make time for you, even in a busy schedule, because there also exists the potential that these journeys can overwhelm, especially when it comes to the intense pain of disturbing things like the Holocaust/T4 killings. So it is really important that all of us on these journeys to healing allow ourselves a bit of time to indulge whatever feelings are coming to the fore and deal with them. It's a completely natural process, like a spot coming to a head. It's sore and it bursts and then the poison/toxins and infection is out and healing begins.

I think you have come a long way in this whole process recently, hon, and that's awesome. xx

[Laurasia]

Warning! Some content may be disturbing to some members!

Hi Liz.

I also think that you've been doibng an amazing job of working through all of this recently, hon.

And, no, just because you were haunted by dreams of the body pits it does not mean that you were a member of the SS. As SS3 mentioned, you could have heard about them & were deeply affected by what you heard. You could have possibly even seen them yourself because (even though many have claimed otherwise in order to protect their own hides) there were many cases in which military personnel, who were not members of the SS, were witness to (& sometimes even participants in) the work of the Einsatzgruppen aktions.

I also find it interesting that you say the chakra which was so affected by your recollections was your solar plexus. I have very significant issues with my own chakric system & the two that are particularly affected are my solar plexus & sacral chakras.

Well I certainly hope that using this thread continues to be a help to you dear. I know that doing such has helped myself & others to work through our own issues as well.

I'm also sorry to hear about your cats ill health. I hope that he/she is able to make a full recovery.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks ladies for your comments

Yes, I have to wonder at those nightmares. They did change over the years, at first they were always at night and in mud, as I say bubbling up, but as I got older the dream began to change. It just got a bit more surreal until at one point I dreamt that there were skeletons in my wardrobe and behind the walls - the proverbial 'skeleton in the cupboard' I suppose! It was the energy of it more than anything, the absolute terror that these bodies were in some way 'going to get me' so like you SS3, I had that fear of being pursued by the dead. I guess eventually I'll know the source of that energy, but maybe you're right, perhaps it is a part of the Nazi energy in general, an image that best represents it on a symbolic level. Perhaps all of us who lived through those years have, or had a similar dream about corpses or maybe sometimes ghosts - an army of the dead. In fact at one point, I recall one of the oddest dreams I've ever had, was almost like one of those paintings by Brugel, I must have been about eight at the time. The skeletons were now mounted on horseback and I was aware that they were slowly moving forward, that it would take years for them to reach me. Reading what you say hon, makes me wonder if all the stuff we're looking into with transmuting the Holocaust energy was symbolized in that dream? I absolutely agree with your theory about Munchhausen's disease.

Of course Laurasia - you may be right too, perhaps I did have direct contact with someone who was involved, or I was ordered to kill an innocent and bury them? On a side note, the other day when I was looking up more articles on T4, I found a recent headline in one of the on-line disability periodicals, about the recent discovery of a T4 body pit, in Austria of all places. It really sent chills through me, not least because of the timing, for me this is incredibly significant and full of synchronicity, considering my PL. I have a terrible feeling that Lisi is among the victims in that mass grave.

Thanks as always for your thoughts, it makes the process so much easier to get through.

[Storm]

I am so so sorry to hear of that mass T4 grave in Austria.

I really think that Emil would have been aware of the fate of Lisi and coupled with possible stories he was hearing of what was happening to others deemed "enemies of the Reich" that is plenty to trouble him and traumatise him enough that it would be imprinted on your soul and need to come to the surface to heal in this life. Just like my knowledge of the Aktions and awareness of the FS imprinted on my soul and forced its way out in this life.

The fact Emil would have felt so responsible for what happened to Lisi would just add to his torture. He very likely did play terrible scenarios over and over again in his mind as he contemplated what terrible fate his beloved little sister came to under such a cruel and misguided regime. I am so so sorry about this, hon. It would have added a far more personal dimension to Emil's connection to the Holocaust and T4 deaths than say an officer of the Reich who was not personally affected by any deaths. I think those of us who ordered or carried out the killings and those who died or lost loved ones are the most tortured by the horrors in our present lives. And it really is not surprising. But for those of us who were unrepentant Nazis back then it is a sure sign that the nature of that connection and energy is changing and being transformed by conscience and love. Where once we felt either hatred or indifference we feel grief and pain. That has to be positive, even though it hurts like hell.

You need to work on forgiving Emil, (hark at me who finds it so hard to forgive RH), but it is true. Emil was in an impossible situation and the truth is that many people nowadays would be equally inclined to entrust vulnerable members of their families to state services. It's just that ,we hope, the state is more humane now. But we need to keep our eyes on the ball because already there are cuts in the western government budgets which are once more threatening to harm our most vulnerable citizens. And many undeveloped nations continue to see terrible atrocities committed against people in the name of difference in religion or race and against those who cannot defend themselves. This is the tragedy, that it still happens! Just because things are dressed up in modern politically correct speak does not make them any less dangerous if the results are that vulnerable and innocent people suffer and possibly die. I guess we could all do with examining the Nazi era to remind ourselves of the importance of never letting anything like that happen again, but for those of us who are so implicated in that era it remains a painful and difficult issue we have to work through. But, hey, maybe we really do help heal the whole when we heal ourselves? So there is definitely a silver lining to that dark cloud.

I will catch up with you properly and I am always here if you need to talk. And do bear in mind that Creation has at least reintroduced Lisi's soul in its new incarnation into your life, which is awesome and speaks volumes. When I did my PL regression training I learned that many in past life research suggest that those who take our lives or assist in our deaths in some respect in past incarnations are often those who love us the most on a soul level. Knowing one of my probable PL's killers in this life I can see that our friendship is really very special, probably partly because of what transpired back then.

Hugs to you.

xxx

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks hon You know how the land lies for me just now, so I won't add comments, I think we've covered this since

Well, here goes... I'll try and recount my third regression, which I did with an MP3 of Dick Suphten's technique which someone on another reincarnation forum kindly passed on to me. This allowed me more time and a little more practice with deep relaxation, so I think it gave more detail, albeit that the things I saw were brief! Once again the recording told me to go to when I was fifteen years old. This time instead of seeing myself on a nice day trip to the seaside, I was attending a Nazi rally. When asked where this was i said it was Austria, until then I'd thought I'd been from Germany and i forgot to mention (I think!) that when asked what place I was from in the previous session, I'd said 'Kreisburg'. I googled the name at the time - with a search for Germany, but got very little that made much sense. However after this latest session armed with the info about Austria, I discovered that there was a 'Kreisberg' in Austria, the district of a small town called Sank Poltens. Anyway - back to the regression... I saw very clearly that I was towards the back of a large crowd, I don't know if it was the Auchluss, but it was 1936, which I think was the year Hitler annexed Austria, if not I assume it was pretty close to that time. What I didn't understand was why I was wearing a white shirt and black trousers, I knew it was a uniform and it wasn't until I did a picture search for 'Hitler youth, Austria' that I found, the black and white attire was in fact the correct uniform for boys in Austria! I was with a friend and we were cheering, I think the Fuhrer was on a podium, looking pretty tiny from so far back. I then saw myself running down a street and shouting after some young woman - I don't think Emil had any social skills when it came to girls! I then disappeared into a beer keller where we most likely tried to get served and were promptly kicked out! There was also a brief memory of soaking in my aunt's big old bath, the bathroom was all white with tiles and a painted white padded seat that doubled as a towel holder. Lisi stuck her head around the door, waving a towel at me. I promptly tried to cover my 'embarrassment' and told her to get out in no uncertain terms, she then replied - and although I heard it in German, the English translation played in my head - 'yuck, I don't want to see your horrid boy parts anyway!' The auntie seems to be hovering behind the door and I know they have a grand old time, teasing me about my adolescent shyness! Although it was scant this third time, I did recover vital facts that I could corroborate, I was particularly shaken up by the Austrian HJ uniform, I honestly don't think I could have known about that, and as for knowing such an obscure little place as 'Kreisberg' I don't think that's likely either, although not impossible - I doubt very much that I could have come across that information subconsciously from say a TV programme, its not famous for anything, but that's not to say that this wasn't a case of false memory syndrome!

On a side-note, I guess I have to be honest and say that i don't know if regression is the best way to retrieve accurate PL memories. There are a number of ways in which the brain can trick you under hypnosis, yet with the first sessions, I did see such detail and I had a distinct feeling of de-ja-vous with those. I keep an open mind with the regressions, yet my other promptings sometimes seem more vivid and emotionally charged, so I do trust those. It was a few months ago, as I've posted previously - that I had a spontaneous recall about Lisi's death. I saw myself seated in that same bathroom, alone in the house and in my naval uniform. I was sitting on the white stool-cum-towel chest and weeping into a crumpled brown paper package. Inside it was a woolen cardigan and a little knitted toy lamb. The toy was old and worn, it had been Lisi's since she'd been a baby. I was crying as I recalled this, and other memories came flooding back - one in which I bought Lisi an ice cream, again at this seaside town, the shop even had postcards on racks, I don't know if they had them back then, but I suspect yes - it was then that the name 'Nollheim' came into my head, this is, it turns out a German surname, but whose I have no idea. I saw fleeting images of myself with Lisi through the years, right back to standing in a hallway somewhere, rather uncomfortably trying to hold this squirming two year old in my arms, when I'm no more than ten myself, we're stood among battered suitcases as if moving into someone's house. I think this might be a memory of when our Aunt (who I think was an 'Auntie Ruth') took us in. If my hunch is right, we had lost our mother and had been taken away from our father who was a drunk and suffering under the economic situation during the Weimar republic. I think Lisi and I, had different fathers, its possible one of us was illegitimate, I think that might have been me, I know my father despised me, it would make sense if he wasn't my real father. I have a feeling that I might have had a different surname, possibly 'Peter Schreiber' was one of my names, I think 'Emil' was more my family name, it might have been a second christian name - German kids used to be given loads of baptism names, I know from researching my own German ancestry in this life! I also went for a walk one day, not long after I joined this forum, when I had a flashback of Emil standing beside a fireplace as a boy and staring at an old photograph of a man, it was the dead husband of our Aunt, I'm sure of that.

Well, that's about it for now. I haven't had the guts to look into Emil's death yet, although i feel it lurking somehow. I'm getting other memories, from other lives more at the moment and feeling a lot of anger and insecurity, so I think it might be prudent to leave it until I feel in a better place. I'll continue to update this thread as things come to me though.

Thanks for reading

[Laurasia]

Hi Lizzie.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It certainly does seem that your latest regression was a successful one for you. And, no, I wouldn't discount the verifications that you've received in this regression. The Anschluss occured in 1938 though.

I can't really attest to the accuracy of deliberate regression versus spontaneous recall though, as the vast majority of my own recollections have come via the latter. I have heard some very eerily accurate findigs from some regressions though, so perhaps the amount of accuracy depends on how easily an individual can access memroies through those means.

Perhaps Nollheim was your aunts' surname? Or the surname of another family member?

I have to agree that if you are dealing with other things at this time or are simply not quite "up to snuff", for whatever reason, do not deliberately try to delve into something as taxing as Emil's death at this point. If his death is something that is pertinent for you to know right now you would likely recall it spontaneously anyway when the time is right. If you're not sure that you are up to it do not try to force the issue. I have been burned badly in the past by doing just that in regards to one of my ancient Greek deaths & I would hate for you to have to suffer the consequences of such impatience as well.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks Laurasia - so the Anschluss was in 1938? I suppose it was just a political rally I attended, rather than some kind of triumphal speech as it was definitely 1936, I really wasn't sure what it was about, but I did get the impression it was a real propaganda scoop in some way, a rallying call to the Austrians, Hitler's own people. Yes, its very possible 'Nolheim' was our Aunt's name, certainly 'Hennings' was the name I gave under hypnosis, but I don't know if that was my birth name or whether it was her surname given to me after adoption. I suppose 'Nolheim' could have been my real birth name?

Yes, I've decided to leave well alone in regards to trying to recall Emil's death, I guess if it wants to make itself known to me, then it will just happen!

Thanks as always Laurasia, for your kind comments and input with my journey, I do appreciate it a lot :-)

[gerhardt]

Wow, y'all...this is an intense thread. I'm so happy for lizzie's growth and wish her peace as she makes this healing journey.

I do want to address SS*3's statement: "OF course now so many SS are indeed women and myself and my freind are discovering that so many if not all the Aktion sites and camp sites are on places connecting to ancient Goddess worship, it does open a new dimension to the whole Holocaust issue which I do feel we need to explore more. I remain convinced on an esoteric level, (especially knowing Himmler's interest in the Goddess and Paganism), that somehow Nazism was connected to a manifestation of the suppressed feminine energy which behaved as a mother with Münchhausen's syndrome and effectively killed her children to get attention."

That completely blew my mind. I had no idea about that bit of information...I have to do some serious research in this regard. That's so sick and twisted and...it makes perfect sense. Many, many of my memories that do not directly relate to the killings have a VERY spiritual feel to them. There was certainly some strange energy, Rune magic for lack of a better word, being channeled back then.

Recently, I was invited to attend a Blot at an Asatru group's place. I was very curious, but just thinking about it brought up too many memories and energies for me to deal with. I couldn't have gone into the ceremony with purity, as I'd have been living in Reich days' Europe, not 2012.

[Leutnantzursee]

Wow Gerhardt - that's amazing that you resonate so much with SS3's statement about the Goddess energy. Being a gay man, you may well embody a good amount of yin energy? You come across as very gentle and caring at any rate. Also I think we've come back as the very sorts of people that were oppressed by the Reich, like people of ethnic background, women and gay men. The feminine divine is all about unconditional love and being inclusive, in its purest form, its about living in harmony and peace with all lifeforms and it can be no accident, that it's manifesting in these times of Earth changes. Was WW2 the 'Apocalypse' that would herald the rise of the 'bride of Christ'? Was that vision perhaps about the transmutation of this energy? I think we all carry it, you see it in modern revival Judaism and its sudden burst of Goddess energy with radical female rabbi's like Jill Hammer, you see it in us too, with us ex-Nazi's and our yearning to understand occultism and Pagan belief. I think under all things there lies some kind of energy, some kind of force of synergy that underpins thought processes. It's hard to put into words, but I'd love to chat with you more about it, maybe in a PM?

In this lifetime I've very much embraced Pagan belief, but I would say I'm monotheistic and see 'God' as the source of consciousness and love, to me it feels feminine in the most abstract sense, in nature the female developed before the male, so it sort of has a logic to me! But I have got heavily into Shamanism and Druidry over the years and I do think it is a relic of those mystical beliefs espoused by Himmler. I'm sure in the HJ camps we heard no end of stories about magic and the mythic land of Germany. I do have a very deep love for my land of birth, which is Britain now, not in any kind of nationalistic way (God forbid!) but as a place I feel a strange kind of mystical union with. That is so Nazi I know! ;D But for me, the ancestors I encounter when I visit sacred sites, are the older race of dark skinned people, those that came up from the middle East into Europe after the Ice age. It's my belief that the Jews and Aryans come from the same root race - the proto-Celts. It's a long story, but comes from my own armchair post graduate studies on genes and language! Again maybe a topic more suitable for a PM!

Thanks so much for your good wishes Gerhardt, I feel happier today since reading your comments and chatting with Ms Mir, thank you guys.

Liz x