Karma - boy does it hurt sometimes!

[Miss Bothmann]

Hello lizzie: I hope that things are getting better for you now that you are getting some much needed answers. Oh, GOd, I know the T4 thing must have been a terrible thing to see, but the prodding that you did is what your soul probably needed. Anyways, I hope that you continue to get answers and that you know that you have an entire community here to help you in any way that we can.

Laurasia: You are SO right about all of the very very weird feelings right now. I think that it is due to the psychic shift of the universe this year, and many of us are feeling the effects. Also, like msmir said, about Mars being in retrograde earlier in January, that complicated things for many of us sensitive to it. As for myself, I feel myself being drawn into deeper and deeper things that I never would have looked into before. It is hard to explain but I will try. It is like looking into the mysteries and faith that you already know and study..but going much deeper into esoteric realms. I have been consumed with books, and my past life as a monk in France. I hardly even have any recollections of him, but I have a feeling that they will be pouring forth like a torrent anytime. So I am very apprehensive about what that will bring. I am also feeling my relationship with God growing stronger...stronger than I have ever felt with male Deity. So, I am in completely unfamiliar territory on so many things...but I am very intrigued at the same time. I just keep getting the same message from my meditations: "keep going and you will arrive there."

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks Miss Bothman - I think you're spot on about us all tapping into deeper veins of information and its strange that both you and Laurasia are picking up on older lifetimes. I know I have too, and I've been going into one I seemed to live in the 18th C, which as you know from this thread is connected to Emil because of Lisi, who I'd known before needless to say. I too have been wanting a deeper connection to the divine, my best friend who converted to liberal Islam wants us to go to a Sufi circle and I confess I'm really drawn to that. I've always felt a connection to the desert and all thing Arabic since being really little! It's going to be an interesting year as we all uncover more of our soul's stories going back in time, maybe they will reveal why we should all have come to to a climax in those devastating lives of WW2, and understand what paths brought us here :-)

[Laurasia]

Hi Liz.

You've been discovering about an older incarnation as well, eh? At least it gives us something else to focus on for a while, huh? I was really drawn to Islam for a while as well. It turns out that was because I was getting ready to recall parts of the lone female incarnation that I can remember, which was that of a Muslim woman during the time of the Crusades. I am still drawn to all things Arabic though largely because of the influence of yet an older incarnation that was absolutely in LOVE with all things eastern.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

I too have been wanting a deeper connection to the divine, my best friend who converted to liberal Islam wants us to go to a Sufi circle and I confess I'm really drawn to that. I've always felt a connection to the desert and all thing Arabic since being really little!

Lizzie, I feel that this would be a great thing to do...especially if you have that draw towards it. Good luck in finding out more of your PL.

[Leutnantzursee]

Hi ladies :-)

Yes, it has been really helpful connecting back hasn't it :-) Well, I have to say I'm really spooked by that coincidence that you both have been drawn to the old Islamic mysticism, I feel it was actually very feminine in its bias and maybe harks back to the ancient world, which produced such things as King Solomon's 'song of songs' - the idea of God as the beloved, just seems like the most healing way of dealing with pain. It transcends that and gives so much joy to feel connection to divine love that forgives all sins and damns nothing. So glad you feel the same way :-) I think my 18th C incarnation was drawn to Eastern things too, I'd love to travel to so many of these places, but sadly these days the Middle East is so rife with war and revolution it would be dangerous to visit. Such a pity, there is so much magic and I suppose there's also that connection to Judaism too, the mystical tenets of which I feel drawn to as well. Thank you Miss Bothman - yes I'm really excited about attending Zikkar (is that the term for the Sufi circle?) they seem excepting of non-Muslims, so hopefully I won't make a gaff and be frowned upon!LOL

Oh just wanted to add on the subject of this thread - my druid friend is in contact with me again! YAY!! It's tentative, but I've made progress, honestly I cried when he honoured me by saying how much he valued my opinions, I'm sure you can imagine the deep healing impact that made. I really do feel in a much better place. I hope Laurasia, that this Tudor life continues to unfold with loving answers for you and Hans :-)

Hugs Liz x

[Laurasia]

Hi Liz.

I really think that you should attend as well. At the very least it could be quite interesting & certainly wouldn't hurt you in any way. Zikkar (or Zikr), I believe, means rememberance. The term used for Islamic daily prayers is Salat, so I'm not sure what would be involved with a Zikkar. If they are open to having non-Muslims present than I would expect that they have things set up in a way that would be easier for you to understand (or would at least be able to accomodate you should you need "extra assistance"). In any case, definitely let us know how it goes.

Oh that is wonderful that he opened up to you! I'm sure that it was very healing for you as well. It's about time something good came out of all of this for you, hon. Just remember to take things slowly & don't scare him off! LOL!

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Lizzie, I am so happy for you and the Druid reconnection. It is so good that he values your input. I agree with Laurasia..don't scare him off.

[Leutnantzursee]

I just wanted to post an update on this old thread, as I kind of have a conclusion to it, albeit a sad one. Thanks so much to anyone who has stopped by and helped me with this rather personal problem, if you could withstand my rambling for this long, you've done well! I've been in contact with this blogger since March when I posted this, and up until now things were developing well. I had learned a lot about the very few past lives we shared, and that we must be close soul mates because we had taken each other into the jaws of death pretty much every time we incarnated together. But needless to say, with memories like that and that kind of electric energy flying about, I think we were both reticent to take it any further and actually meet, he especially has been very evasive about it. What made it so troubling, was that throughout the past few months, we've stumbled upon some alarming coincidences and synchronicity we share, particularly in our energetic work, to the point it was getting ridiculous, at least for me, who all the while was having strange spirit dreams about him. Yes, I have accepted that he was Lisi, despite my feelings she might have been my best friend in this life. She has another story connected to the Third Reich it seems, so I was left back at square one. It's dawned on me in the past week, that this man and I have the most abysmal karma with each other, true love and hate in equal amounts. At the moment I'm left not liking him much at all. I can't get too specific on here as this is a public forum and its in my best interests to protect his identity, but suffice to say, he's just blanked me and so has his friend. I've seen his birth chart and he has some nasty planetary connections, mainly he seems from his astrology to be a rather self-serving individual, but one with terrific spiritual 'tools'. However, he lacks much in the way of heart. I find his karma in this life intriguing, his PL chart seems to suggest an incarnation previous to this one, that involved 'disability'. I think now he detests the thought of being dependent on anyone, or indeed letting anyone much under his skin, which is one of the reasons he won't let me get very close. I feel in part responsible for that trait in him, it has to be the biggest degree of cynicism about humans one can have, yet I hope its teaching him something good. On a soul level I love this Being, yet in every other way I really don't care for him, I feel he has been childish and needlessly self-protective. He could have at least mailed me and told me, he couldn't cope with talking to me anymore *sighs*...

So there you have it really. I've been going through hell the past couple of weeks and asking if it was even necessary to bring us together, surely we just can't handle each other, and probably could never in this life time. I can't say yet, that I'm grateful for this experience - its too soon and for now, I'm grieving.

Thanks for listening

[nomadicsoul]

Lizzie-

Just wanted to offer *hugs*...I'm sorry it isn't much, but there you have it. I wasn't here at the beginning but I did read this thread and your recent update and I know this has to be difficult. If you ever need to talk, know that I am here.

Have some more *hugs* for the road.

[Leutnantzursee]

Thank you so much nomadicsoul - hugs, even long distance, cyber ones are much appreciated Thanks for stopping by and commenting, especially as this is an old thread :-)

This whole experience is proving to be one of the most challenging I've ever encountered - and all from someone I never even met! Truly, its made me blow a gasket the past couple of weeks since he 'disappeared'. I had an odd experience last night though, I felt as if this man came to me in person and told me bluntly, that NOW I got to live Lisi's life, now I'd know how it felt to be 'disabled' and marginalized. He went on to 'say' that he deserved a more 'ego' centred existence this time around, and that his soul needed to know how it felt to have masculine power, the same as Emil had, had. In effect - we've 'swapped' roles this time. I have toyed with the idea he might be a 'twin soul' but I'm not sure if its quite as simple as that, or if I believe in it or not. But whatever he is to me on a soul level, it's cut deep and I do know we've done much harm to each other in previous lives. I suppose I just have to trust that this revelation will ultimately bring healing as its making me face my darkest night and worst fears - as if he'd held up a mirror to my soul. You don't walk away lightly from encounters like that!

[Laurasia]

Hi Liz.

I suppose I just have to trust that this revelation will ultimately bring healing as its making me face my darkest night and worst fears - as if he'd held up a mirror to my soul.

That may very well be the reason that the two of you have been "brought together"...though through the distance of cyberspace. You two obviously have a strong soul connection (no matter what the exact nature of it is..."twin souls" or not), yet you tend to bring about each others' distruction as well. Connecting from a distance is the safest bet. This has caused you to become aware of all sorts of patterns not only with your own souls' path, but in the way that your soul has interacted with/affected other souls during its' journey.

It's never an easy thing to do, just like facing our own shadows. You may want to look into that very thing though, as I suspect that is likely what you are doing at this time. And that is probably what he was meant to start within you by re-connecting.

I've been dealing with some karmic revelations of my own as well so I can sympathize with you, hon. Hey, Samhain/Halloween did just pass.....'tis the season for all of these sorts of things to occur.

Just know that I'm always here if you need to talk.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Demi]

Hi Lizzie, I understand the situation, I had an encounter with a PL soul too and he weren't able to reconnect because he could not handle it. And that was hurting really bad back then but I realized some things are not meant to happen at this time (Oh, and my friend said that the time might come when we are both ready!)
So I hope this happens for you!

It's just hard to let go at the moment when it's right there... but after a while something even better might happen if it's meant to.

All the best
Demi

[Leutnantzursee]

Thank you both for your loving words

I'm sorry this reply is late too, I didn't notice that you'd posted last week as I was a bit out of the hoop, with one thing and another. Laurasia - I think you're right hon, I know if we spent any amount of time together it might end up explosive, with all sorts of strange karmic reactions to one and other, mainly I suspect bad ones :-( Although I feel better at the moment, because I had a dream about both these guys the other night. It was very strange actually, because it veered towards uncovering stuff about Emil's life, but ended frustratingly before I could see more. Except that I was in a cockpit on the prow of a ship, so perhaps I did fly with the Bordefleigergruppe 192 on the Scharnhorst as I suspected - jeeze they must have been short of flying personnel to put me in there! This happens a lot when I dream about these guys, they're ALWAYS together, leading me to think that has to represent that they are Lisi and Auntie Ruth, and also because they usually at some point 'show' me a scene from that lifetime in the dream.

Demi- I'm sorry to hear you've been through this trial too hon *hugs* - but that's good to know the ties haven't been entirely severed in your case At this point I feel regret that I mailed one of these guys recently, saying I'd had enough of being ignored. I felt I had to say it wasn't OK because they never explained why I'd p**sed them off so much, but perhaps its just that - they sensed the electric karma between us and freaked out. But at least I know with this dream, that we still can be together in the astral and that is a huge comfort. For now, I guess I have to accept that's as good as it gets, unless of course I hear back from them one day.

Anyway, thank you for your comments ladies, it's helped a lot to thrash out this issue on here over the past 6 months as it unfolded, odd as it is, I'm glad you can both empathize with the situation, thank you

[msmir]

Hi Liz I hope you are doing ok now. I am sorry I have not been around lately... just this week I landed 7 new clients and have been insanely swamped. Not complaining but its been nuts. But I just wanted to check in to see if you were doing ok. I have to say this reminds me of something... I had a best friend back in grade 8 and 9 (one of the worst times of my life and I believe she in so many ways saved my life then).. but as soon as I entered grade 10 (she was a year younger and was entering grade 9, very tough)... we started going our separate ways and she took it hard... she assumed I did not like her and I tried telling her that was not all the case.. and then she stopped talking to me for good.. I was so hurt and confused, but I had many dreams that we were still very good friends.. and I believe in the astral we were. But the fact of the matter is, her mission with me had ended then and when you are just not meant to be connected to someone on Earth, you won't.. and if you are not meant to connect with someone on Earth, something will break that connection.. discord, or you just going your separate way. However at the same time, I believe we are connected to everyone in the astral in one way or another. I believe that many times when you are on non speaking terms with someone while incarnated... that is not at all the case on a soul level. Those dreams are there to show you that. I hope I am making sense, it is 2:30 am and still working, believe that??? lol but I wanted to check in and soon will be calling it a night. Let me know how you are doing.

[Leutnantzursee]

Thanks Miriam :-) Yes, its clearly the case that something beyond my control stalled the connection and I daresay, it saved me from much worse hurt had I met him/them. As they say - he's too close for comfort really, his energy left me feeling very confused at times, it certainly wasn't about 'love' in the kind and caring sense, something much deeper really, a knowing beyond that. But yes, connecting in the world and in our lives as they stand now, would have been disastrous, but I suppose I would not have learned so much about Emil without the dreams and the brief connection I made with my PL family. I think we've all experienced this kind of thing as you've said yourself about your old school friend. I'm getting over it, bit by bit and trusting that its here to teach me something :-)

I'm so glad to hear your business is taking off hon *hugs* it maybe hard work at this point, setting it all up, but it will pay off hugely in the future I'm sure :-) Thanks for your support as always Miriam, much appreciated :-)