Both sides of the fence

[jhwoodw]

Hello! First, I just to say how extremely grateful I am to have found this site! I think I was probably both a perpetrator and a victim. I found some sites for victims but am so excited that this site exists for both sides and is focused on healing and support! :DI will post a thread soon about the past life I have been experiencing. I don't have a total picture yet, but would love to get feedback as I go along, discovering. I will post a bit at a time, as the details seem to get more and more graphic and I need to build some trust. I haven't been able to confide everything to anyone yet, as I feel so much guilt I am having a difficult time confessing, even just at the level of admitting I suspect I did "some bad things" in the war.

I am grateful for the opportunity to heal and I think knowing there is support will help me unlock some of the memories I have forbidden to my present self. With my first successful guided regression I got some results, but when I was led to go to a momentous event related to the scene I was in, my mind instantly rebelled and all I could hear, think, or see was "NO!" over and over again. I feel that my past life is crucially influencing me now and I have reached a time in this current life where I must make important choices and commitments. I need to work through these issues (Guilt, compulsion to work with genocide, feeling of isolation and inability to really connect to others, mysterious "somatic" illnesses) to know what it is I am really called to and move forward. Thank you all for reading this and I look forward to getting know you. It has meant a lot to me to read your stories and feel that I am not alone or crazy.

[Laurasia]

Hello Jhwoodw.

Welcome to the site, we are certainly glad that you have found us as well. If you ever have any questions or concerns feel free to PM either myself or our Global Moderator, Msmir.

I can certainly understand your reluctance to discuss the events of your life during such a dark time in human history...especially if it was "on both sides of the fence". However, rest assured, that you were not alone in that experience. There were many, many kapos within the Jewish community, Poles who "did the dirty work" for us SS, etc. So you certainly were not alone in your situation....even if others seldomly speak openly of their own similar experiences. I would be very glad to hear of your past experiences (as well as current ones connected to all of these things) if & when you are ready to share such things.

Do not feel as though you have to share anything that you are not comfortable with sharing though. We all grow & heal in our own time & in our own ways.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Welcome jhwoodw.

Yes, by all means take as much time as you need to share. I understand that trust is a huge issue when discussing past lives of any kind, but particularly with the more upsetting of them. By the way, no one here would ever think that you are crazy because you are definitly not. I look forward to seeing you around the site.

Much Blessings and luck in your healing journey.

[jhwoodw]

Thank you both for the kind welcome! I appreciate your responses and support!

[Leutnantzursee]

Hi and welcome jhwoodw:-) I can completely empathize with those feelings of guilt, I'm right in the middle of a crisis with my PL at the moment, so I feel for you:-) Everyone here has been badly affected by their PL's which ever side they were on, and the key to healing seems to be for victims and perpetrators to work together. I hope you have a good journey here, all the best... Liz

[freedomfromfear]

I believe I feel much as you do. I was a Jew but I helped in the concentration camp to survive and sold others out to reduce my suffering. I have know this since I was a child and felt tremendous guilt and shame from knowing this. At first it made me feel hopeless and I felt that humanity was doomed, or at least I was. I wanted to kill myself but feared another reincarnation like the last one. Now, after many years and much healing, I think knowing the past life gives me a deeper understanding of why people do horrible things. Fear and pain are strong motivators. Not that this is an excuse to do horrible things, absolutely not, but I sure have difficultly judging the sins of others knowing so completely that given the circumstances, it is within me to act with bitter cruelty. May your memories heal you and others.

[Laurasia]

Hello Freedomfromfear.

Welcome to the forum. It is always nice to see new faces around the forum. I look forward to hearing more from you.

I hope that you enjoy yourself here. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to PM either myself or our Global Moderator, Msmir.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Demi]

quote: Guilt, compulsion to work with genocide, feeling of isolation and inability to really connect to others, mysterious "somatic" illnesses)

I want to say that I relate to that above! I feel it is getting better now as I work on healing spiritually..