Post by doctorwhat on Mar 29, 2011 20:23:23 GMT -5
hello this forum seems very interesting. i'm 32, married to my husband of almost 3 years, we have an almost-2-year-old son. i've been interested in reincarnation and past lives for as long as i can remember, but never really gave it any thought til a couple years ago.
when i was 4 years old, i remember being VERY interested in Nazi Germany, the SS in particular. i was a pretty artistic kid, and was always drawing. well, my favorite thing to draw was a swastika and SS officers. when i was 5, i was in kindergarten and i'd draw swastikas all over my notebooks (we had math, etc in my kindergarten - it wasnt one of those nap time kindergartens), and i was obsessed with Germany and German people and language. i would "heil Hitler" and all sorts of other Nazi-esque things.
i told my teacher that i was in Poland before, and that i helped in a camp. she thought i meant like a foreign exchange summer camp i guess, because she said i was a little too young to be a camp councilor.
when i'd do this at home, my parents would tell me the Nazis were bad people, Hitler was evil, and to NOT draw swastikas all over the place, and "for god sakes stop drawing all the Nazis!" (my mom would say these things to me). well, one day, my teacher called my mom in (my dad was out to sea - he was in the Navy), thinking my parents were white supremicists. i got detention (haha, in kindergarten).
i'm still SUPER into Nazi Germany and the SS. for as long as i can remember i've always loved uniforms, the SS uniform especially. i dont know German, but when i'm super tired and havent slept for days i do. when i was a cashier at a grocery store, i hadnt slept in 3 days. there was a German woman with 2 other people who came thru my line. i was speaking German w/ them. i understood it perfectly too. the next day (after i had gotten sleep) the same woman came in and thru my line, and spoke German to me and i had NO idea what she was saying. she was pretty mad. my co-worker told me that yesterday i spoke with her in German. which was weird, since i dont know German.
i have a pretty extensive knowledge on Nazi Germany and the SS, without having read more than 2 books on the Holocaust (and 1 was a graphic novel). and the only movie on the subject i'd seen was Schindler's List. i dont watch documentaries on WW2 because theyre all about the ground, sea, or air wars, of which i have no interest whatsoever, but i have a pretty high interest in the concentration camps and the SS as a whole
what's weird is my grandmother's aunts, uncles, cousins and sister were in concentration camps. Majdanek, Treblinka, Birkenau (Auschwitz II), and Sachsenhausen. and her older brother was in the SS (how, i have no idea, but he was VERY blond, green eyes, pretty Aryan specimen for being Jewish). she had his photo, and journal. she had his uniform and hat and boots, and medals and everything. i asked her for them but she ended up selling EVERYTHING but when i was 10, i found the uniform and put it on, which felt completely right to me. it was too big, of course, but wearing it felt familiar and comforting? i cant think of the words. he was in Sachsenhausen then Auschwitz.
the only "memory" i had (from a recurring dream) was seeing a KZ, not sure which KZ, and people who looked like death just kind of milling about. and some working. and i remember feeling a bit satisfied about the whole thing. like someone who just caught a rat in a trap and threw it in the garbage - that kind of feeling. i was a guy, in the black SS uniform, and i had blondish-brownish hair and light eyes. but i have no idea what name or whatever.
i dont know German, i never took German, i had made it a point to stay away from the language, even tho i'm very attracted to it (could this be past life related? i didnt make a conscious effort to stay away from it, but i didnt really want to take it for a reason i couldnt think of - i took Spanish and French instead). but if i'm very tired, i can speak and understand German fluently. when i worked at a local grocery store as a cashier, i hadnt slept in 3 days, and there was a few German people who came thru my line, and i was talking to them in German. the woman came back the next day (after i had finally slept) and started speaking to me in German. i told her that i was sorry that i didnt know what she was saying, and i didnt know German. she wasnt happy and thought i had been playing a prank on her. the cashier at the other register told me the previous day that i had been speaking German to the woman.
in this life, i'm not anti-semitic at all. if anything, i overcompensate in trying to be EXTREMELY anti-racist or anti-ethnocentric. i try to be VERY open minded, too much so. i cant shoot a the broadside of a barn with buckshots...really, i cant, but i tried. when we were visiting my grandmother, i'd celebrate Hanukkah and the Jewish holidays. in college i went to a synagogue once, but never did again because for some reason i felt very guilty, and didnt know why. i've been told i intimidate people, and i dont know why. everyone i know has said that when they first met me, they were afraid of me til they got to know me. i dont know why. when i asked someone, they said it was something in my eyes that felt like i could look into someone and know everything about them no matter if they wanted me to or not. in a local antique shoppe, there's Nazi memorabilia, and i'm instantly drawn to it. i want to buy it so badly (just a few pins and insignias, nothing too fancy), but i feel bad for wanting it so badly. thinking it has something to do with past life?
EDIT: i forgot to add my grandma's brother's workplaces that he was in Sachsenhausen and then was transferred to Auschwitz.
when i was 4 years old, i remember being VERY interested in Nazi Germany, the SS in particular. i was a pretty artistic kid, and was always drawing. well, my favorite thing to draw was a swastika and SS officers. when i was 5, i was in kindergarten and i'd draw swastikas all over my notebooks (we had math, etc in my kindergarten - it wasnt one of those nap time kindergartens), and i was obsessed with Germany and German people and language. i would "heil Hitler" and all sorts of other Nazi-esque things.
i told my teacher that i was in Poland before, and that i helped in a camp. she thought i meant like a foreign exchange summer camp i guess, because she said i was a little too young to be a camp councilor.
when i'd do this at home, my parents would tell me the Nazis were bad people, Hitler was evil, and to NOT draw swastikas all over the place, and "for god sakes stop drawing all the Nazis!" (my mom would say these things to me). well, one day, my teacher called my mom in (my dad was out to sea - he was in the Navy), thinking my parents were white supremicists. i got detention (haha, in kindergarten).
i'm still SUPER into Nazi Germany and the SS. for as long as i can remember i've always loved uniforms, the SS uniform especially. i dont know German, but when i'm super tired and havent slept for days i do. when i was a cashier at a grocery store, i hadnt slept in 3 days. there was a German woman with 2 other people who came thru my line. i was speaking German w/ them. i understood it perfectly too. the next day (after i had gotten sleep) the same woman came in and thru my line, and spoke German to me and i had NO idea what she was saying. she was pretty mad. my co-worker told me that yesterday i spoke with her in German. which was weird, since i dont know German.
i have a pretty extensive knowledge on Nazi Germany and the SS, without having read more than 2 books on the Holocaust (and 1 was a graphic novel). and the only movie on the subject i'd seen was Schindler's List. i dont watch documentaries on WW2 because theyre all about the ground, sea, or air wars, of which i have no interest whatsoever, but i have a pretty high interest in the concentration camps and the SS as a whole
what's weird is my grandmother's aunts, uncles, cousins and sister were in concentration camps. Majdanek, Treblinka, Birkenau (Auschwitz II), and Sachsenhausen. and her older brother was in the SS (how, i have no idea, but he was VERY blond, green eyes, pretty Aryan specimen for being Jewish). she had his photo, and journal. she had his uniform and hat and boots, and medals and everything. i asked her for them but she ended up selling EVERYTHING but when i was 10, i found the uniform and put it on, which felt completely right to me. it was too big, of course, but wearing it felt familiar and comforting? i cant think of the words. he was in Sachsenhausen then Auschwitz.
the only "memory" i had (from a recurring dream) was seeing a KZ, not sure which KZ, and people who looked like death just kind of milling about. and some working. and i remember feeling a bit satisfied about the whole thing. like someone who just caught a rat in a trap and threw it in the garbage - that kind of feeling. i was a guy, in the black SS uniform, and i had blondish-brownish hair and light eyes. but i have no idea what name or whatever.
i dont know German, i never took German, i had made it a point to stay away from the language, even tho i'm very attracted to it (could this be past life related? i didnt make a conscious effort to stay away from it, but i didnt really want to take it for a reason i couldnt think of - i took Spanish and French instead). but if i'm very tired, i can speak and understand German fluently. when i worked at a local grocery store as a cashier, i hadnt slept in 3 days, and there was a few German people who came thru my line, and i was talking to them in German. the woman came back the next day (after i had finally slept) and started speaking to me in German. i told her that i was sorry that i didnt know what she was saying, and i didnt know German. she wasnt happy and thought i had been playing a prank on her. the cashier at the other register told me the previous day that i had been speaking German to the woman.
in this life, i'm not anti-semitic at all. if anything, i overcompensate in trying to be EXTREMELY anti-racist or anti-ethnocentric. i try to be VERY open minded, too much so. i cant shoot a the broadside of a barn with buckshots...really, i cant, but i tried. when we were visiting my grandmother, i'd celebrate Hanukkah and the Jewish holidays. in college i went to a synagogue once, but never did again because for some reason i felt very guilty, and didnt know why. i've been told i intimidate people, and i dont know why. everyone i know has said that when they first met me, they were afraid of me til they got to know me. i dont know why. when i asked someone, they said it was something in my eyes that felt like i could look into someone and know everything about them no matter if they wanted me to or not. in a local antique shoppe, there's Nazi memorabilia, and i'm instantly drawn to it. i want to buy it so badly (just a few pins and insignias, nothing too fancy), but i feel bad for wanting it so badly. thinking it has something to do with past life?
EDIT: i forgot to add my grandma's brother's workplaces that he was in Sachsenhausen and then was transferred to Auschwitz.