Nervous, afraid, but happy to be here :)

[eiszeit]

Warning! Some content may be disturbing to some members!

Hey, everyone. Just a quick note to introduce myself and say ‘hello’.

I’m nineteen-years-old, biologically female, Taurus/Sheep with a strong belief in reincarnation. I’ve always sort of believed in the idea of having lived before; it just didn’t get a name until third grade – “Huh… it’s called reincarnation? Huh! Okay, I believe in that!”

When I was about five or six, I had a dream that still sticks with me to this day with complete clarity. I’ve tried calling up other dreams of different subjects that I can vaguely remember having at that age, but none of them come up as clearly… if at all! In this dream, I was being experimented on – the “changing eye colors” experiment, with the syringe going into the eye and everything. I’ll try and describe it in a later forum post; I’m finding it difficult to do so at the moment. But I’ll say this – I think this is the reason why I’m so terrified of doctors, needles, white lab coats, anything to do with the doctor’s office. I know they’re not going to hurt me, but I still react as if they are. Any talk of medical experimentation – or even just little details about trips to the doctor’s office! – make me very, very uneasy.

Ever since that dream, I’ve been deeply interested in reincarnation. I’ve learned all I possibly can about this topic, and World War II. I’ve always been interested by – you could even say drawn to – the Nazi Party. The uniforms, the ceremonies, everything about them. Not so much the politics angle, though I do know of their politics and I do not agree with them in this life at all. However, any talk of the Holocaust makes me very uneasy, very anxious. I’m horribly emetophobic (yep, we got another one! ), and riddled with anxiety disorders and OCD, which I’m almost positive comes from my past life.

I feel like I know a lot about my past life, but I’m nervous and don’t feel comfortable with releasing everything at once. So… I’ll just tell it to you guys slowly, as I get more comfortable. Something tells me I have nothing to fear here, that everyone here’s a very nice person, but this is sort of my first time admitting to people en masse

Here’s what I’ll tell so far –

** I was a victim, and I died in a KZ. I’m pretty sure I died in Auschwitz, but I don’t know the way I died. The psychic I went to about my past life said that I died from a gunshot to the head, which is pretty consistent with the most recent memory I got – the Black Wall.

** I was male back then. I can sort of see him in my mind’s eye. He wasn’t a bad looking boy at all. He was tall – six-foot or so – and lean. Not unhealthily skinny, not until the very end. Just an athletic build. Blonde, green eyes. I’m unsure where he got the blonde hair from – his father, mother and sister were brunettes! I remember having blondes in the family, though, so I guess the genetics worked out that way.

** I’m pretty sure I was a pink triangle. Before the KZ, I loved someone. He was a sweetheart, and I really miss him.

** I don’t remember much about being in the KZ. I have two distinct memories – the beginning and the end; I’ll put them up in a future post – and a few small bits and pieces of memories, mostly dealing with other people in the camp. There was one man in there I absolutely adored; I don’t know what became of him.

There’s more, but for now I’ll keep it at this. Besides, my post is getting long enough, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear me ramble on for three more pages. XD Really, I could go on about this forever. But I feel like this is a good start. I’m nervous and kind of afraid, but I feel like it’ll help me. Right now, I’m angry – angry that this happened, that it affected me, that I didn’t do anything back then to fight back… I want to get over the anger and try and make myself better.

I swear, I’m very friendly and I want to talk about this – I mean it, I could go on about this subject for hours – and I’m always up for making new friends. I hope to make some new friends, get some answers, and resolve some issues.

Thank you for reading this,

Eiszeit

[Iseke]

*huge hug* Welcome to our forum! Thank you so much for sharing and opening up to us! Wow...

Oh my god, though! You are definitely not alone in what you described; I am dealing with some serious medical phobias myself for the very same reason! (I um...don't think that particular experiment may have occurred to me, but other nasty ones did...) OCD, anxiety, emetophobia, everything!

I can't believe you got that memory at such a young age! That must have been so tough to deal with. I'm just now starting to have those memories trickle in and it is very hard. I just...wow. I can't imagine. Well, I can, but...

Our stories seem to have a lot in common! I hope we can help each other heal as we work through these things! Thank you again for coming and reading and opening up here! I look forward to hearing more from you in the future!

[mccoyxyz]

Hello eiszeit, there's one thing you should stop and think about, place it in its proper historical perspective.
Now, given how tall everyone is these days (growth hormones in the meats and such), it's easy to gloss over the idea of being six feet tall. Most young men are and a lot of young women are.
However, growing up in the immediate postwar era, I can assert that a man who made it to six feet was very noticeable, stood out.
This is of course will reflect on your KZ experience. Given that you are both taller than everyone else in your area on the Appelplatz and with a pink triangle, you would have been singled out for a lot of unpleasant attention from guards and kapos, especially any of these shorter than you.
In this lifetime, that could manifest itself one of two ways: you will probably feel a need to remain invisible, more so than other people; or conversely, a desire to stand out more.

As for dreams, no that isn't an unusual age, during childhood I had a very vivid dream, recurring in exact detail, about once a month from age six onwards.

And of course we all have to die by some fashion or other, shooting is one of the more pleasant, I mean in relation to the times.

Best wishes.

[kapitanprien]

Hello Eiszeit - while I can't relate to anything as I wasn't involved in the Holocaust and was long since dead before it really started - I just want to say Hello.

Apparently there seems to be an 'emetophobic' thing with many of you folks (I don't have that problem) - but at the risk of sounding like the typical guy who wants to 'fix' things - I'd like to mention some essences that can be used for phobias:

Australian Bush Flower - Green Spider Orchid:

Positive: attunement, ability to guard information, release of terrors & phobias.

Negative: nightmares, needing acceptance, phobias.

This remedy was also made up in Gariwerd (The Grampians) Victoria and is very much aligned with higher learnings, philosophies and deeper insight. This Essence can assist in working with telepathy, to attune a person to be more receptive to not only other people but also other species and kingdoms. It is for people who are teaching spiritual matters and understandings, helping them to impart that knowledge. It helps us to know when to share about our spiritual experiences, ideas before they are manifested and incomplete projects and when to remain silent to let the energy build. Green Spider Orchid can release nightmares, terror and phobias stemming from past lives.

Healing Herbs by FES: Mimulus

Positive Qualities:
Courage and confidence to face life's challenges.

Patterns of imbalance:
Known fears of everyday life; shyness.

Mimulus flower essence is one of the most basic remedies for fear. Those needing this flower essence are hypersensitive and live with a great many small fears of ordinary and everyday events. They are especially afflicted in the solar plexus, which churns with great anxiety and unease. Eventually, if these fears are not met and transformed, the soul becomes quite darkened and introverted as it withdraws more and more from the stresses of daily living.

Mimulus flower essence brings the light of courage back to such souls. It helps the individual shift its fixation form myriad lesser fears to awareness of a more basic, usually unconscious fear. This is a fear of the physical body, or of physical life itself, which can sometimes be traced to actual hesitation at the moment of incarnation. A pattern is thus set deep within the substrata of the soul which must be healed.

Mimulus flower essence helps the soul to contact the strength and purpose of its Higher Self, and thus sets it free to experience life with greater curiosity, exuberance, and joy.


I hope this info may be of help to those who wish to do away with the fear.

[eiszeit]

Wow! Thank you all for such a warm welcome to this forum. I'm feeling much more relaxed about posting here, and hopeful about my future on these boards.

Iseke: I guess that anxiety and phobias are only inherent to this territory! I know a few people who I suspect have past lives either as SS or as KZ inmates, and they have the same issues we have. As for the memory, I don't really remember how it affected me... which probably says something in itself. I don't have very many other memories from the KZ (I'm kind of wondering if there's anything to remember, or if his mind just snapped), but I'm not sure if I want to know any other memories... But I hope to hear more from you, and I certainly hope we can help each other.

Storm: Ach, doctors! I don't blame you for not trusting doctors; I wouldn't trust them if that happened to me, and I'm kind of adding 'blood poisoning' to the list of things I definitely do not want to die from this time around. I'm sorry that this happened to you I'm sort of nervous about my story, but I hope to eventually get it all -- or most of it -- out in the open. Thank you for the welcome

@mccoyxyz: I felt very relieved after reading your post, mostly because it answers one of the questions that's been bothering me. I didn't think about it from that sort of perspective; thank you for bringing that up. I knew someone back then who became a Kapo, and while he wasn't exactly the nicest person to begin with, this answers a LOT of my questions about him. You're spot-on about the "invisible/stand out" thing -- I'm very, very introverted, to the point of isolation, and I don't like attention being drawn to me if I'm not expecting it. I always feel like I'm in the spotlight, in the absolute worst way possible And I agree, shooting was definitely a mercy compared to other options. I'd sooner take a bullet to the head than anything else...

@kapitanprien: Thank you for the information! I've been meaning to look into essences and things like that. The mimulus sounds like something I need at the moment. Once again, thank you very, very much.

Thank you all for responding and making me feel welcome. I really appreciate it, and I can't wait to get to know everyone here!

[kapitanprien]

Re Eiszeit: You're Welcome. I've been using essences for several years now so if you have any questions, I will do my best to help you out.

[mccoyxyz]

Look at the bright side eiszeit, you have to deal with all of this nonsense sooner or later anyhow. Far better to get it out of your way while you're still a young person, still have some room left to maneuver in life.
Think of all this sort of stuff like the age discrimination that exists in workplaces, though of course our fearless politically correct government doesn't admit it exists, even though they practise it too. In other words, if you've arrived at 45, kiss it goodbye. And of course while they're forbidden to ask your actual birth date, they ask to see your high school transcripts, as if they can't do math. (That is not of course to say there is any age discrimination here, just to point out that life and the workplace starts to age discriminate in a hurry. No time like the present to get started at it.)
I happen to aim for invisibility too, but in my case that is a definite career asset, though it doesn't help my social life a lot. My invisibility is more rooted in my this life upbringing than in any thing pastlife though.
Best wishes.

[msmir]

Hi Eiszeit, sorry for taking some time to introduce myself and to welcome you but I am Miriam and I was a young Holocaust victim experimented on and killed at age 5 in my last life. I am also emetophobic which stemmed from that life and a trigger that happened in this life worsened it when I was 4. I am just not ready to face that phobia in this life. My mother survived the Holocaust but died a few years after liberation, and today she is my almost 9 year old daughter. I have a book coming out and I am hoping it will be available for purchase online and it is called Stars Behind the Tortured Soul-Healing Past-Life Memories Through Astrology, and it is about Holocaust reincarnation examined through past life astrology. Sorry to make this short.. I have been incredibly busy doing a hundred different projects but wanted to welcome you, please feel free to message me anytime as I am interested in chatting more with you!

[Laurasia]

Hello Eiszeit.

I, like Miriam, aplogize for not being able to some on the forum & welcome you sooner. Just so you know, I added a warning to the top of your original post due to the description of experimentation that it contains. It is absolutely fine that you have it in there! We are here to share such gritty details in order to heal after all. I just ask that anytime you put up a post that contains anything that could possibly be distrubing to other members that you put this warning at the top of the post so that they don't accidently stumble across something that they are not ready to face.

With that all being said...Welcome to the forum! I am very glad that you have decided to join us & that you are feeling up to sharing your story with everyone. And don't worry about rambling about your recollections, we all know the need to do that very thing ourselves. I look forward to seeing you around the forum & hearing more from you.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am glad that you are able to share with us..and yes, proceed at your own pace. I was intrigued by what you have already shared with us and I hope to read more in the future.

Prien, thank you for putting up the essences for phobias and such. Perhaps I can employ one of them when my fears get going.

[kapitanprien]

Hello Miss Bothmann

You're Welcome - if there are 'panic attacks' involved, you can also try the Healing Herbs version of the Bach Rescue Remedy - the Five Flower Formula:

The Five-Flower Formula is praised throughout the world by health practitioners and lay persons. The formula of five different flower essences - Clematis, Cherry Plum, Impatiens, Rock Rose, and Star of Bethlehem - was developed by Dr. Edward Bach in the 1930's through his own practice and observation. Over the years it has come to be regarded as a "rescue" combination for its remarkable ability to address emergency and crisis conditions. Prepared in rural England by renowned teacher and naturalist, Julian Barnard of Healingherbs, Ltd., the formula is made according to the original directions of Dr. Bach. True to Bach's original intentions, it is not prepared or labeled as a homeopathic remedy, and it is Biodynamic and organic.


Clematis:

Positive qualities:
Awake, focused presence; manifesting inspiration in practical life; embodiment.

Patterns of imbalance:
Avoidance of the present by daydreaming; other-worldly and impractical ideals.

The soul in need of Clematis flower essence has a strong inner life; the ability to image and dream is particularly well-developed. But these capacities are so strong that they overwhelm and distort the soul's connection with the body and the concrete physical world. This results in a personality that is overly dreamy, lacking a vibrant emotional and physical presence in the here-and-now. Thus the great talents of the Clematis flower essence types are largely untapped, and physical illness easily takes hold of the body because the warm forces of ego are lacking.

In extreme states, such soul will be attracted to drugs, particularly psychotropic drugs, in order to continue the soul's addiction to disincarnated psychic activity. Clematis flower essence helps such persons to realize that the great gifts within them can be constructively channeled into the physical world; in this way the soul forces grow warmer, richer, and more present for others.

Cherry Plum:

Positive qualities:
Spiritual surrender and trust, feeling guided and protected by a Higher Power; balance and equanimity despite extreme stress.

Patterns of imbalance:
Fear of losing control, or of mental and emotional breakdown; desperate, destructive impulses.

Cherry Plum flower essence - There are times when the soul has difficulty bearing the weight of its incarnation. The circumstances of life oppress and condense the soul, so that it literally feels that it cannot take any more pressure or stress. There is the fear that one will lose control and become erratic, destructive, or even suicidal or insane.

The soul tries to protect against this fear of losing control by tightening its grip, which only leads to more pressure and stress. At these extreme times, Cherry Plum flower essence is indicated. It helps the individual to re-connect with the Higher-Self, to surrender. Once the Self renews its trust in a Higher Power, the mind can then stabilize, and the individual feels the capacity to cope with life's challenges again. Cherry Plum flower essence brings strength and encouragement, helping the soul to overcome its extreme tension and fear.


Impatiens:

Positive qualities:
Patience, acceptance; flowing with the pace of life and others.

Patterns of imbalance:
Impatience, irritation, tension, intolerance.

The souls who need Impatiens flower essence find it difficult to be within the flow of time; their tendency is to rush ahead of experience. In doing so, they deny themselves full immersion in life, even though they may appear very busy and engaged.

In particular, these individuals miss the more gentle and subtle exchanges which can occur with others, or with the world around them. Their overabundance of fiery force flares up easily into irritation, impatience, intolerance, and anger. Although quite mentally agile and extremely capable, the great inner tension and excitability of such souls leads to various physical disease states or premature aging due to 'burnout'.

The Impatiens flower essence type needs to experience not only the powerful flaming of life, but also its gentle flowering. Through the Impatiens flower essence, the soul learns to still the attention and deepen the breathing so that the inner Self becomes more receptive to the unfolding moment. The precious flower of life is then experienced in all of its fleeting fragility and delicate beauty.

Rock Rose:

Positive qualities:
Self-transcending courage, inner peace and tranquility when facing great challenges.

Patterns of imbalance:
Fear, terror, panic; fear of death or annihilation.

Rock Rose flower essence addresses the soul's need for courage, especially when in very extreme circumstances. This remedy is indicated for moments when the soul has stepped almost completely outside the body and is in a survival mode of consciousness.

The Self is forced to address a severe emergency, usually of life-threatening proportions such as violent attack or a traumatic accident. This remedy can also be indicated for the process of dying, when the ego is gripped by the fear that it will be utterly annihilated or destroyed.

Rock Rose flower essence restores sun-like forces of courage to the human soul so it can meet these tremendous challenges with self-transcending strength. Although Rock Rose flower essence can be used alone, it is most commonly used in the composite "Five Flower Formula" (with Star of Bethlehem, Impatiens, Cherry Plum, and Clematis) for maximum benefit.


Star of Bethlehem:

Positive qualities:
Soothing, healing qualities, a sense of inner divinity.

Patterns of imbalance:
Shock or trauma, either recent or from a past experience; need for comfort and reassurance from the spiritual world.

Star of Bethlehem flower essence is a deeply restorative remedy, with calm, soothing properties for people who have experienced shock or trauma. It is particularly helpful for individuals who have never adequately addressed a disturbance from the past.

Such persons often seek to anesthetize this trauma in inappropriate ways, such as through drugs, occult ritual, or a numbing of awareness. There is a longing and seeking for a part of the Spiritual Self which seems inaccessible. The nervous system often becomes deadened, and the mental facilities are lacking in vibrancy and coherency. In some essential way, the personality is out of alignment with its higher components, and is stymied form full and vibrant functioning.

Star of Bethlehem flower essence helps bring about this much needed psychic and spiritual adjustment, although other therapeutic and counseling measures are often necessary to help the individual fully access the trauma and its causes. Star of Bethlehem flower essence is also one of the ingredients in the Five-Flower Formula indicated by Dr. Bach for broad-based emergency and first aid use.

[Miss Bothmann]

Thank you so much. This will truly be beneficial *hugs*

[kapitanprien]

Sure thing

I think I recall seeing a 'Panic Attack' thread around here as well and so will copy the above info. for that thread too.

[Miss Bothmann]

That would be great..thanks.

[kapitanprien]

You're Welcome