Past Life Resentment

[Laurasia]

Hi everyone.

I posted this here because it wasn't an actual "recollection" that came up, but rather an overwhelming feeling. A couple of nights ago I was suddenly overcome, to the point of sobbing, by a bitter resentment of everything Hans had ever done & sacrificed for not coming to fruition.

It culminated with me having the feeling stuck in my mind that I wanted to do it all over again, but with the end result of us winning the war so that I could know & experience what my, Anna & our coming child's life would have been like after all of the terrible things were over & all of our grand plans had come about. Not because I wanted to be a genocidal monster again, but because I wanted the "reward" for having made myself into one. It took some deliberate work to get my mindset out of that bitterly resentful place, but thankfully I was successful in doing so.

Has anyone else here ever been so overcome with resentment about how things could have been that the thought of "I wish that I could do it again differently" so completely consumed your mind, rather than just subtely lingering there?

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[silver]

I think I know what you mean :/

When I was reading up on a few of the things suggested by you guys in my memory thread, something fairly odd happened - by now I'd already seen some truly horrific photographs (thanks a bunch, Wikipedia), but there was one of an elderly woman walking with two small children and a baby, on their way to the gas chambers at Auschwitz-Birkenau. I got so angry, not at the Nazis (for once), but at me. So sick and hurt and mad - I cried, and that's really rare for me. I don't know if Marlene ever saw a scene like this, but that didn't really matter; it felt like a symbol for everything horrible that was happening, and I did nothing. I should have, at the least, let myself be killed for trying to speak out. In those moments I truly hated her.

Trying to meditate afterwards was, unsurprisingly, difficult. Eventually when I managed to reach a peaceful state, I found myself wondering - what would she have been like without the war? Maybe she would have been a simple ditzy snob with an overbearing husband. Perhaps then I could know if she'd had lovable qualities, if over time she could have become stronger instead of progressively more cowardly. I can't help but wonder what her husband would have been like had he not worked in the camp. The memories I have center around him; she was so in love with him, for better and definitely for worse. I have this ominous feeling that the part of my soul that remembers him, misses him. I think it's the same part that makes me mourn what happened to us and grieve over what could have been.

It's not surprising for you to have that feeling, Laurasia. People who put their loved ones first (which is a lot of people) want things to work out, want to be with them and see them happy. Hans never got the chance to have the family he wanted with Anna, and for someone who knows his life and thoughts, that regret and anger is bound to show up. From his thread, it appears that he kept thinking that he could finish this horrible job and go home to Anna. It never happened. Losing the war was good for the world, but it wasn't good for Hans or Anna personally, and bitterness over what they lost along the way is only natural.

In my book, anyway :]

[Miss Bothmann]

Actually, I tend to get that feeling regarding a certain Greek past life long ago. I find myself thinking that perhaps I could have strategized differently, and the death rate wouldn't have been so high. Also, had I listened to others more instead of abiding by the "council of one" theory things could have come out for the better.

I think that it is very common to feel rushes of emotions from remembered past incarnations. Everything is after all, energy first and foremost. It is probable that some of Hans' residual energy within your psyche broke through your more "modern" mindset now. Speaking for myself, I have found that this tends to happen when you have either a) been having recollections of the person very recently. or b) doing a lot of introspective meditation work in general. Both open up your chakra centers to a more "receiving" vibration. After this happens, I would suggest a chakra cleansing (there are many methods to do this). I visualize a swirling mass of white light descending up through my chakras, clearing out any negativity that is trapped within my auric body. This only takes about 30 seconds to perform, and you feel extemely grounded afterwards.

[Iseke]

Oh God, yes. All the time. All the time.

Well, I have started to settle a bit into accepting the way things are. And I know people are quick to say things like "you can't change it so don't get stuck on it" but the feelings are there all the same.

...

[msmir]

Laurasia, I do often. I often have moments of hating myself for Jane's actions because I would have a lot less karma to balance in this life if it wasn't for her horrid behavior. But we have to just accept what is like Iseke said. It could always be worse and in a funny kind of way I am actually thankful I went through the horror in my last life to water down immensely what I COULD have had to face in this life if you know what I mean. But again yeah your feelings are very human and I know so many of us have those emotions too.

[kapitanprien]

I've had the feelings of resentment regarding the economic situation. That screwed my life up in more ways than one. (We're talking the years 1930-32)

I tend to take the view that McCoy does to an extent - I can't 'fix the past' that's done, but I'm strongly of the belief that I can do some things again without the problems that plagued us back then...as I'm starting to realize.

[Iseke]

Feb 12, 2011 6:48:43 GMT -5 @mccoyxyz said:

But of course the problem with thinking about all the stuff in the past, is you find an endless collection of people to whom you can apportion at least some of the blame legitimately. Too much would have, could have, should have.
Better to just learn whatever you can from it, drop the rest, and deal with problems in the here and now.
So, next logical question you ask me is: well why do I hang around this site? Surely I can think of better stuff to do with my time?
Ok, some of me is a nice guy, seeking to help out in the world; but by and large I've long since discovered the truth of the adage "no good deed goes unpunished".
I'm sort of hoping - gasp - to get a few karmic brownie points if I do the right stuff. I mean, isn't it more important than trying to stack up money, you don't get to take the money with you when you go, karmic points you do.

I find your notion of karma very interesting. Since I feel that I have loads of negative karma from having been a victim (trauma creates trauma, regardless of who is doing the killing), I guess you could say I'm here to balance my karma as well, through healing and discussion and reaching out to others. The less negative karma I have when I die, the less epic healing I will need to do after this life.

I'm curious, though, do you think of the system of karmic brownie points that you refer to as a metaphor, or a literal thing?

[kapitanprien]

McCoy: Do you have "negative karma" from your experience? Absolutely not. Are you traumatized? Well, yes.
So, not meaning to be a long winded bore, but looking up textbooks on PTSD at the library would probably do you a lot more good than trying to do a good deed.

I think that's a very healthy outlook. I don't believe in Karma, I believe in personal sovereignity and being one's own authority in that sense.

I strongly feel that the belief in Karma can be very damaging and this paragraph from one of my favorite spiritual sites/articles explains this:

"Belief in Karma Creates Suffering

At its worst, a strong belief in a law of karma can actually generate negative experiences in one’s life. There are many factors that could create a single negative experience – but combined with that belief in karma, one might begin wondering “what I must’ve done to deserve this,” which attaches guilt to the event. This guilt will attract more unpleasantness – and now we’re back to the vicious cycle created by the misguided idea of “deserved suffering.” Someone with a habitual victim mentality may well attract a person with sadistic tendencies who will abuse them – because they deserve it? No, because they can. If the targeted person feels guilt on top of their suffering (which is a tactic many abusers use to project the blame away from themselves!) they have only compounded their problem. As we have seen, suffering balances nothing and benefits nobody, because it tends to radiate outward and produce more suffering. Does this sound like an ordeal worth putting yourself through, over a supposed offense you don’t remember committing, that you can’t even verify? Hopefully not!

Another important factor to consider are the true psychopaths – people and entities who most would think have accumulated some heavy karma if anyone has, by deliberately causing others to suffer.

However, the existence of this condition throws another monkey wrench into the wheel of karma itself. If someone literally has no conscience, then no amount of karmic backlash is going to give them one, or turn them into anything other than a psychopath. If that person were to hypothetically incarnate again without the psychopathy, their problem is already solved, and the backlash would fall on someone whose fundamental nature is not capable of committing the original offenses, and who has no awareness of having done so in the past. Once again: no balance or divine justice to be found here."

From the article 'Rethinking Karma':

beyond-within.com/blog/energy-work/rethinking-karma/

[kapitanprien]

I understand what you're saying McCoy.

I still can't buy into the belief of some sort of 'cosmic justice system' so this is where I differ radically from many 'spiritual' folks. It's my view that you cannot have unconditional love on the one hand and then some sort of 'punishment' on the other. It just doesn't make sense to me. It goes along the lines of, say the Christian religion for example, to have an all-powerful loving God...but then this God turns around and punishes souls in a place called Hell.

There's just way too many factors and one of the biggest ones is our biological make up (which the article mentioned). There are those who are 'criminally insane', etc.

I agree to an extent with your views on coincidences simply because I've been going through plenty of my own to realize there is 'something' going on here with me. But I don't want to fill in the blanks by subscribing to a belief just for the sake of 'filling in the blank'...I'd much rather leave the blank open and therefore leave my mind open as I realize thoughts, particularly on the subconscious level, are very powerful.

[Iseke]

I agree with Prien on the cosmic justice system; to me, it doesn't make much sense.

When I say "karma" I mean it in the sense of trauma, of weight, of things that need to be worked through. So when I say "negative karma" from my experience as a victim that is what I mean. I don't believe that I took on that role to pay for past sins, or that reincarnated Nazis will now need to pay for their past sins. (Think about it: if I had just been receiving cosmic justice by dying in the Holocaust, that would make the Nazis the karma police, right? So what would they have done wrong then, if they were simply enforcing the karmic justice system?)

That is why I say all trauma is trauma and no one gets out of something like the Holocaust with anything good. I know each soul chooses their own path, and I know a bit about why I chose my path (and yes, I do have regrets), and that is part of why I don't believe that the whole point of it is purely for lessons and judgment. Freewill, conscious experience and exploration, and so many other things just make it much more complex than a neat and easy binary and linear system of judgments, lessons, ladders (like the corporate ladder only spiritual) and so on with which to view the universe. That is where I differ from other viewpoints on the matter. I'm not saying anyone here thinks that way, but that is a highly truncated description of this system of thinking as I understand it.

*cue Karma Police by Radiohead*

[kapitanprien]

I like what you said Iseke. I also understand what you mean by the trauma (using the term Karma in that sense). I also understand the use of the term by meaning 'spiritual connections' with someone - like if I were to meet the young lady who was my first wife back then and be with her now.

I do realize that the word itself 'Karma' simply means 'act' or 'action' and that it isn't labeled as 'good' or 'bad' but is simply an 'act' or 'action' and that human judgement designates (for lack of better word) that 'act' as good or bad. Simply put - the act is not good or bad - human judgement categorizes it as good or bad. When one steps out of the 'dual' thinking (something that's not easy to do - and I've only managed to get that far by doing Shadow Self integration) it is 'easier' to 'understand' the 'bigger picture' even if only in a small way.

I don't want it to be understood that I condone murder, etc. but I'm stepping out of the black/white - good/evil way of thinking.

I think Iseke said it best:

Freewill, conscious experience and exploration, and so many other things just make it much more complex than a neat and easy binary and linear system of judgments, lessons, ladders (like the corporate ladder only spiritual) and so on with which to view the universe.

We're 'only human' in a sense in that our human minds work on a 'finite' level (at least while incarnated) and I feel that the unseen world is just way too far out of our understanding to have such a system.

[kapitanprien]

(Separate post for this)

Think about it: if I had just been receiving cosmic justice by dying in the Holocaust, that would make the Nazis the karma police, right? So what would they have done wrong then, if they were simply enforcing the karmic justice system?

Iseke brings up a very interesting point with this...and simply with that statement right there, as far as I'm concerned, it really blows the whole idea of 'Karmic Justice' right out of the water.

[kapitanprien]

I see and understand McCoy.

I'm Agnostic so I can't say I believe in any 'higher power'. I could accept the view that there is 'a' power, but not 'higher' nor 'lower' than I - and that the same time a part of me, and me a part of it.

To me this said 'power' is too 'big' for me to fully know and so I tend to take the view as putting 'human traits' on the said power limiting, just like I view 'confining' the said power to any book (for example the Bible) confining/limiting.

[Laurasia]

Hi guys.

I really appreciate all of you sharing your views on what karma is & how it works, but this thread was about past life resentment. I'll start another thread specifically for the karma discussion momentarily.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who has ever felt so completely consumed by a previously incarnations' resentment. Feeling Hans' emotions I'm fairly used to, being absolutely consumed by them was something different though!

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Demi]

Feb 11, 2011 15:23:37 GMT -5 Laurasia said:

Hi everyone.

I posted this here because it wasn't an actual "recollection" that came up, but rather an overwhelming feeling. A couple of nights ago I was suddenly overcome, to the point of sobbing, by a bitter resentment of everything Hans had ever done & sacrificed for not coming to fruition.

It culminated with me having the feeling stuck in my mind that I wanted to do it all over again, but with the end result of us winning the war so that I could know & experience what my, Anna & our coming child's life would have been like after all of the terrible things were over & all of our grand plans had come about. Not because I wanted to be a genocidal monster again, but because I wanted the "reward" for having made myself into one. It took some deliberate work to get my mindset out of that bitterly resentful place, but thankfully I was successful in doing so.

Has anyone else here ever been so overcome with resentment about how things could have been that the thought of "I wish that I could do it again differently" so completely consumed your mind, rather than just subtely lingering there?

Sincerely,
Laurasia

YES, yes, yesss! Sometimes going into Fritsis mind he is feeling that he would like to be appreciated for all the sacrifice he did...

Saving the world in a much better way, the theme of my life!

Do it again, yes, without the bad stuff... in an entirely positive way, no bad at all, save the world... Keep the SS and make them good instead... Fritz would like that they haven't been MESSING up so much and that they actually be having a good rep instead of a bad one... more like knightly.. that's HIS thoughts, though, I personally just want to work on inner development... but hey .. you know what I'm saying.

All the best,
Demi