It must be the U-Boat stink...

[kapitanprien]

I understand when clearing out stuff, like I've been doing for quite some time, one can feel really at times.

I don't know what it is but, I have to admit I'm becoming even more resentful of a number of people. As some here know I was on Spiritual Forums, and then made mention to stop posting to work on my sites. Unfortunately we cannot delete our accounts there, but I did clear my profile, prevent any emails and PMs by members to come to me. I did what I could on my end (I could probably request a delete account but there would most likely be such fuss over it that it's not worth it).

Anyway - not long ago, some comments have been made to posts that I put up awhile ago. It seems like - whenever I'm not there people post on my threads or respond to my posts...but when I'm there, and reply...I am totally ignored (with one exception of recent).

I have to admit that I am becoming really resentful to the point of kicking out all these people from that forum who are members of my site and making my site private. I'm tired of 'sharing' and then not getting much in return.

It's bad enough that I'm single, I have no family, and there are no connections for me in town where I live...so I like to have something online even though I don't have direct access.

It means -a lot- to me when people ask me how I'm doing, and things like Laurasia's 'christmas hugs'...because I don't get that in real life (at least not yet).

I'd like to hear others' thoughts...if I should just remove those members and make my site private again, etc. Because I've had it...I'm rather upset.

[kapitanprien]

Thanks McCoy

Yep you summed it up quite well - I've pretty much become the outcast because of my association with the 'darkness' (be it goth style, shamanism/subconsciousness, etc.) since I don't 'ooze Love and Light' by any means. I'm no fluff-bunny...and that put me outside in the cold (I thought those 'new agers' were supposed to be open-minded and 'loving'... ) and because I don't follow the whole Karma thing, or care to become vegetarian, meditate, etc. I guess I'm just too ruthlessly pragmatic with what I have to do on my path here - but that is what I'm 'meant' to do...and unfortunately it seems like so few of these 'love lighters' realize this. I must say that they become as dogmatic as the stuff they were trying to leave (other forms of organized religion).

Perhaps it is because my focus is more rooted in the physical - healing the body's psyche and just remembering my identity...rather than the reverse of the situation.

I've made my site private (but will still continue to copy and past in the thread I have here on it)...I kicked a few folks out too...no one from here of course .

I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't so alienated...it exacerbates the feeling and situation to the extreme.

[Iseke]

*hug* I realize you are not referring to me at all, but all the same I hope I never contributed to your tension with all of this!

As for SF....I did enjoy being a part of it but after the big crash decided not to rejoin. It felt like a sign to me that my time there was done. There is a lot that frustrates me and alienates me from the new age community as well (as you know of course from my responses to the articles re: this topic). Nothing is more clear to me than the fact that these people (the Tolle-fodder spewers, hehe) are trying their hardest to navigate a hard world. The problem is that it isn't nearly as successful for them as they'd have us believe, and it is also not as easy to truly embrace as they make it sound.

You should never be made to feel spiritually inadequate for the things you do or do not do, study, explore, think, feel, whatever! You are on your path and it is the right one. That is all that matters, so to hell with what they think. And besides, there is nothing wrong with being pragmatic.

Thanks for joining and sharing with this community. You were one of my favorite people from SF so I'm thrilled to meet up with you again over here!

[kapitanprien]

Hey Iseke

Nah - it's those 'Tolle-fodder spewers' quite frankly. And I must admit that if I were to state something like this over there, I'd get the whole 'be introspective' - 'it isn't them-it's you' sort of deal. If there is something about them that angers you, then it is your problem and that means there is something wrong with you...blah blah blah. That's one of the reasons why I killed the Shadow Self site...things were taken WAY too far. It was almost like it was a sin to not like something... Yet these very same people who go blabbing about this with all these lovely platitudes do that very same thing. Perhaps I'm just more aware of the 'split' that's there in the whole new agey arena...I don't know. I just think that it's becoming the thing it hates...and there was a point not too long ago, when I thought it all came to a head...but now I'm realizing there is more there regarding this nonsense that is showing up.

I'm at the point where I'm so inclined to completely move over to here and close my site....but I'm going to wait a bit.

I guess I'm also not one for all this theorizing philosophical psycho-babble either. I don't have that level of education either way you want to look at it: I've only been here for -now close to 7 years, and it certainly wasn't on the 'to do' list back then either...as I left schooling at the age of 15 to start my seafaring career.

It is just that the more I embraced myself...the more and more outcast I found myself. It wouldn't be so bad if, in real life there would be something to fill in the void (a rather large one)...but at the same time I'm not going to lie about who I am just to please some 'fluff bunny'.

[kapitanprien]

I have to agree that much of the New Age stuff does really seem to be bent on destruction of the sense of self...starting with the ego.

I actually have been through my atheist moments (but not to the point of not believing in souls). I spent a good 3 months as an atheist actually, some years ago...about 3.

I had read some of buddhism, but it was on the zenguide.com site. At that point in my life I related to quite a bit of it (this was about 4-5 years ago).

My consolation has been my site (which I've decided to keep for helping to keep my sanity). It's just a place where - like you said - I just put things down on record (hopefully try to make it flow so it's not all choppy) so that it reads well.

I'm finding the biggest thing is the subject of the 'darkness'. I'm finding that many still demonize it - so that in due course the darkness also symbolizing: night, winter, death/transformation, subconsciousness/unconsciousness also becomes demonized. Such a shame really...and I think I've gotten to the point where I'm feeling nothing but pity for those poor fluff-bunnies *shakes head*.

With them - everything must be light, love, life...etc. etc. that dark, death, and hate must not be acknowledged. (I notice it heavily with some vegetarians). Death is something many of these folks (the fluff-bunnies) just can't seem to stomach.

*pauses*

*looks at his signature*

*thinks...'that is it right there'*

[Laurasia]

I know just what you guys mean. There are many Pagans that are just as close-minded (if not more so) as the religions that they left when becoming Pagan. And, like you've said, many times the Pagan path is explored in a very unbalanced way...studying, exploring, & embrassing the light side of everything. I am very much in tune with my own shadow or dark side.

The "dark side" is indeed not something to be feared or shunned. It is just as powerful, if not more powerful, than the "light" aspect of things. The darkness bring inner contemplation, truth, stark reality, etc. Many people cannot bear to see themselves for what they truly are deep down inside & so they shun it. It's unfortunate, but it is very prevelant in the new age community.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

The saddest part about the whole situation is this:

The people who are the most prejudiced and "fearful" are the same people who call themselves "tolerant" and "open" to any path or religion.