Another memory of Heinrich

[euskanoravian]

This is offensive.

I was lying in bed, feeling poorly and weak. I went into one of my trance states. I had this recollection.

This was before Anschluss had happened. A big private dinner party took place in a fancy banquet hall in Vienna. A group of us, illegal Nazis were all sitting at a large round table. My girlfriend, Johanna was sitting next to me. I specifically remembered a huge bowl of mashed potatoes in the center of the table. Amon Goeth, who turned out to be a beast later on grabbed the bowl. He was smirking and shaking his head while he was scooping out the potatoes in large quantities onto his plate. He said quite loudly "We are the ones who deserve to have a good life. It's their fault that we have all had to suffer. And because of that, they deserve to suffer while we enjoy our lives. It is about time that starts happening". He was talking about the Jews, and like everyone else, he put blame on them for the yucky economy. I was deep down disgusted by his comment but I humored him anyway by nodding and laughing. I then grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and started scooping it onto my plate and said "Don't worry, they have it coming". He looked at me angrily and barked "I am going to make sure they suffer since they were the ones responsible for putting us in such misery". I started eating the potatoes, and nodded at Goeth at the same time. I looked over to Johanna, and she had a look of sadness on her face. (Johanna was not happy that I joined the Nazi Party illegally, since she did not agree with it. Nonetheless, she loved me and supported me in her own way.)

Blessed Be,
Andi

[msmir]

Well sadly... I am sure conversations like that still happen on some level.. Jews are still blamed for so many things, I don't see that changing anytime soon...as long as history does not repeat itself. Sad fact but true.. and yeah I did hear that Amon Goeth enjoyed his big portions... wasn't he really huge in the end?

[privatetucker]

Seeing Amon Goeth...that gave me a bit of chills because to think you talked to him and later he did such horrible things...*shudder*

But yeah, Miriam is right, unfortunately. >.<

[euskanoravian]

Unfortunately I did know Amon Goeth. I was not overly close to him thankfully, and I did not see him all of the time. Nonetheless, I am sure there are other memories I have of him that I have not yet gotten to. We were originally from the same area. Based on what I did know about him at the time- when I read "Schindler's Ark", and how he tortured the prisoners at Plaszow, it did not at all surprise me that he turned out that way. He was an egotistical, shallow, racist, narcissistic, gluttonous jerk. When someone like that has been given any kind of power, that can be quite dangerous. I also know he did not particularly care for me. The feeling was mutual.

Oh and by the way, from what I can tell you based on the memories I do have of him, he definitely did enjoy his largely portioned meals and drink. I suppose it all caught up with him at the end.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[msmir]

Oh Amon was a beast!! And it does not surprise me that you had the pleasure of knowing him since he was also Austrian. Wasn't he such a big shot? From what you described about his personality no wonder he made himself so known. I also read that book and it was great.. he became diabetic I think...and definitely fat!

[privatetucker]

I've never actually read Schindler's Ark/List, just saw the movie. But yeah...give someone like that the power over life and death....it's going to have a horrible, horrible ending. =/

[Laurasia]

I can recall many people having very similar attitudes as well. Hell Hans even did as far as physically removing Jews from the economy & land went. He just wasn't so keen on the actual killing part.

While everything that has been said may be true I also had a thought occur to me while reading this thread.....what would Amon's current incarnations' (if he is incarnated now) reaction be to reading this about his former self? I mean I've read plenty of less-than-glowing testimonies about Hans, but never on a forum where I could directly speak with the people. Needless to say, I've yet to connect with any of Hans' former victims & don't particularly look forward to the awkwardness of it either.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[msmir]

Laurasia I have to say I have wondered the same thing..

[euskanoravian]

I have also imagined many times what it would be like, not only meeting the reincarnation of Amon Goeth {if he even is in an incarnation at all- and my hunch tells me that he is not}- but of those who I had violated and in my own way tortured during Kristallnacht, and even prior to that disrespecting Jews which upset me within; many of my other comrades; and just plenty of others. I knew Johanna reincarnated as a male in this life. We shared a very close friendship. I can't go into it much further about that right now, nonetheless. I also met up with a former comrade who I did have many problems with in Germany towards my last days. His name was Heinz. Heinz was a comrade who I knew felt the way that I did about Nazism. I never dared to discuss that with him in detail. Nonetheless at the same time, I felt overall I could talk to him and he always listened. Towards the end of my days, it turned out Heinz was another one of those self-centered jerks that believed he was no less than perfect. I started to really hate him, especially days before my death. Not as bad as Amon, nonetheless.

We connected online a few years ago, and I had felt this eerie attraction to him. He had even admitted to me that there was something about my vibes that compelled him. Neither of us could explain the attraction, yet it could not be denied. He was an atheist that rejected the phenomenon of reincarnation. Because of that, the discussion was off limits. Nonetheless, we chatted and shared a friendship that I believed at the time was meaningful. I was going through my awful chemotherapy treatments at that time. My mother's health was worsening. He was supportive, but there came a time when he started distancing himself and I was very hurt. I even updated him on my mother's worsening condition, and he never bothered to even reply back when I knew he was not overly busy. The kind of hurt I felt from his indifference since I thought he was someone who I could talk to and cared, stung my soul. Because of that, Heinrich's temper came through, and I landed right into him. He never bothered to email me back. That was until my poor mother had passed away, and a friend of mine had informed him about it. He did send me a message saying something like "I realize things are not good between us but I am very sorry for your loss.". And that was it. I was in a very bad state emotionally, and replied to him, ripping him to shreds. I believe a lot of that hurt also came from knowing this was another friendship ruined because he could not be friends with me due to my illness. Sadly it has happened a lot. He had the audacity to email my friend who relayed the message about my mother's passing over to him- telling her that I was out of my mind for treating him so poorly, and he never did anything to deserve that kind of treatment. He insinuated that I needed some major psychological counseling. I was quite disgusted, and very hurt by his attitude.

Nonetheless, months later I decided to email him, apologizing for ripping him up even though he did deserve it. I did wonder if I did go too far. He replied basically telling me that he never did anything wrong. He believed he was supportive and caring, and called me crazy for going off on him. He also told me to never contact him again.

Maybe I did go a little too far by saying some things I should not have said. Nonetheless I was very hurt by him rejecting me the way he did. After that experience, I started having more flashbacks of Heinz. I saw Heinz' behavior in that guy.

I believe Heinz was unhappy about the situation, and I knew he had a soft area within him. Nonetheless he allowed himself to be further brainwashed, which explained his attitude- and then later on was downright nasty to me. I pointed some faults he had at him, and he angrily denied them. He was narcissistic in the end. The connection that guy and I felt in this life was definitely karmic. He may have genuinely wanted to support me during my rough times. Nonetheless as time went by, he was turned off by my sickness. Perhaps others told him not to get involved with me, because of being too high maintenance. I say that because that has happened with others in the past and it hurts. He listened to them. Since he believed he did nothing wrong by hurting me indicates that he never really got over himself, like Heinz never did. That guy was definitely Heinz. I even had it confirmed. I guess karma was not balanced between us after all.

Nonetheless, back to the topic of possibly coming across Amon reincarnated, if he even is. That would be extremely strange. And that is not something I intend to worry about. If it were to happen, I would hope to discuss our past issues like mature adults. I was not the only one who had major issues with Amon- and I was a Nazi!

Blessed Be,
Andi

[privatetucker]

Oh wow...reading about Heinz and how he treated you now makes me wanna punch him in the face...which I realize is absolutely NOT helpful for karmic healing, but it was a nice mental image.

[Miss Bothmann]

andi,

I am sorry about the way this guy treated you..and when you were in most need of a friend in your life! I agree with tucker, it makes me want to punch him in the face too.

As for amon goethe, I haven't remembered him as of yet and do not know if I will. I know that he was in Austria when all of the illegal party activities were going on, but I was very young at that time. As for if I met his reincarnated self, I would welcome him to the forum just like anyone else, and I would hope that he would be wanting to heal and learn from his past mistakes.

[euskanoravian]

Consider yourself lucky, Miss Bothmann, if you have not met Amon Goeth. You likely did not know who he was at the time. Whenever I have told people who are aware of my past-life, that I knew Amon Goeth, they were sympathetic towards me. He really was dreadful. Heinz may have not been as dreadful as Amon - but he was still plenty dreadful. And he still is. I have more memories to add. When I am feeling a bit more up to it, I'll post them.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[sweetlunapie]

Amon does not seem like the best dinner guest...
You really are brave, are you not? Even standing up to him a little bit seems quite brave.

[euskanoravian]

Amon was horrific to be around. I had to be nice to him for the most part, because I did not trust him. After finding out how cruel he became, my instincts about him were correct.

Blessed Be,
Andi

[euskanoravian]

This may be upsetting to some.

I want to talk about the dream about Kristallnacht. The first one I had when I was 6 or 7. As time went on, the more came clear to me. Especially at age 19, when I had to come out of denial. Later on after digesting what had happened in my previous life, I regressed it- with help. There was chaos. There were tears. There was screaming. There was blood- and fire, and destruction. It was all around me- and I was responsible for creating the chaos, fear and sadness. Windows were being smashed. These were windows of Jewish shops and Synagogues. I kicked in many of them. The shattering of the glass was deafening. I even beat up a few Jewish men on the sidewalks- probably to death. Back to destroying the one Jewish shop I cearly remember. I smashed in the window of the shop. Jumped in, threw merchandise out the window, along with some books, and set it all on fire. I was a huge contributor in the vandalism. The heat of the fire surrounding the areas, I had felt. I felt sick over it. I felt sick over ruining innocent people's pride and joy, which were their businesses. I was sick about beating Jewish men up, simply because they were Jewish. These men I may have killed. This I am unsure about, and don't think I am ready to know. I always wanted to believe I never murdered anyone. Nonetheless I feel this is something I am purposely covering up. I tormented Jewish women and children. The saddest thing about it was, I hated doing any of that- and I did not want to. I was weak, I feared for my life if I did not go along. I felt I had no choice at the time but to be violent towards Jews and Jewish property.

It happened 72 years ago, this past week. I realize it is counter-productive, and making me even sicker---- but the guilt over that is still there

Blessed Be,
Andi