jleaw
New Member
?How sad the world is, so beautiful yet so absurd...? Irene Nemirovsky
Posts: 12
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Post by jleaw on Jan 23, 2012 22:23:44 GMT -5
I've been thinking a lot about what I'm about to write lately--I basically google searched until this blog came up. I apologize in advance for talking so much about myself without offering any feedback to other posts, but I've needed to get this stuff of my chest. If I'm not reincarnated from the Holocaust, I must be crazy. Also, I realize that--despite my efforts to be observant and my innate connection to the Jewish faith/culture--that I am not a legitimate Jew. I want to make that clear, as to not offend/irritate anyone Here goes any reason I have for connecting to a possible Holocaust past life: Since about 13 years old, I have identified as a Jew, tried my best to be observant, despite not being from a Jewish family. When I was about 10, I had a few dreams which I now consider to have involved a concentration camp (I wouldn't have known then). My whole life, I've had to fight either 1) binge eating (not bulimia) or feeling guilty (?) at the weight I'd gained and getting down to a--not anorexic at all--but thinner than healthy weight, drastic in comparison to the plumper, healthier weight I am at other times. Also my entire life, I have had a phobia of pregnancy. Not in the way that I don't want to get pregnant, but in the way that the actual state of pregnancy in other people absolutelu repulses me, I can't look at a pregnant stomach without feeling physically ill. (I know this is weird) Also, A couple of times I have had dreams about being pregnant and hysterical because I feel that something terrible is going to happen. Four years ago, I had a dream that I was naked, outside, being hit in the back and head with a rifle. This must sound fictional, but please take my word. I even had this written in a journal. Three years ago, I joined the Marines and--halfway through bootcamp--fell 20 ft. while rope climbing and fractures my L1 vertibrae. Obviously, I still have a lot of back pain from then. It gets odder, still. Last year, I was hit head on in a roadster by an SUV and it left a hairline fracture on my left temple. Other general possible symptoms might be a general lack of self-assertiveness/confidence I have, which could just be my personality, I guess. Also, after my parents divorced, when I was younger (18), I decided to change my surname. Since I'm not particularly familiar with either side, I decided to practice a little Erik Erikson and went with Weisz. It just stuck out, popped in my head, and didn't leave until I chose it. I feel like that might be some type of past life draw, since I chose it because the whole injury/dream experience. Anyway, there it is. Please be kind if you think this is all coincidence! Take care.
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jleaw
New Member
?How sad the world is, so beautiful yet so absurd...? Irene Nemirovsky
Posts: 12
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Post by jleaw on Jan 23, 2012 22:36:12 GMT -5
Oh, just to clarify on my phobia, it's also in the way that I never want to become pregnant, although it bothers me in other people, as well. I've always felt very passionately that adoption is the way to go and I'm absolutely incapable of enjoying sex without both protection and contraceptives.
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Post by plgmziegesar on Jan 24, 2012 10:23:39 GMT -5
Hi Beck11! I am new to this forum, too! Let me first assure you that you have come to the right place... the people here will not think you are crazy. :-) It sounds like you do have past life (PL) trauma related to the Holocaust...I am really sorry you had to endure that pain. I suggest you look in the forum section under recall techniques and do a bit of intentional meditating or other self- trance work. Just be sure to ask your guides to join you and protect you, along with restating clearly that you can not be hurt by what you see BEFORE entering the "door" to your past. Be prepared for a lot of emotions and ups and downs in your thoughts , as this stuff can be really hard to process at times!
Best of luck! And again, as a Nazi in my PL, I am deeply sorry for your suffering then and now. Kris
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Post by ignotus on Jan 24, 2012 11:49:38 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum!
I'm sorry that you had to go through that.. Really. If you need anything, just contact one of us. We're friendly guys!^^
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Post by Laurasia on Jan 25, 2012 13:59:41 GMT -5
Hello Beck111. Welcome to the forum! We are glad that you have decided to join us & are even gladder that you have felt comfortable to share these things with us. It does indeed sound as though you may have experienced life as a Jewish female prisoner in one of the camps. Especially if you were a Jewish prisoner, pregnancy would have been forbidden in the camp & would have likely led to being killed if you were discovered to have been with child. So that could be why you have issues with pregnancies now. Having some type of issue with food is an extremely prevalent one amongst reincarnated Holocaust victims. In fact, I don't believe that I've ever met a reincarnated Holocaust victim who did not have some issue with food. And do not worry....to those of us who remember life in the camps (whether as prisoners or as perpetrators, as I was) your dream about being naked & beaten with a rifle is not unbelievable at all. Things like that could & did happen on a regular basis unfortunately. And the fact that you now have physical injuries/issues to match those from your past is not an uncommon phenomena either. The strong draw to a certain name is not unheard of either. (I have always had a love of names like Hans, Johan, & Johannes myself. ) It is interesting that you were so strongly drawn to it that you changed your name though. Have you ever tried researching that particular surname name amongst victims of the Holocaust? Perhaps you could find something definitive that would let you know for sure whether you had a life during the Holocaust through the name? Well I hope that you enjoy yourself here & if you ever have any questions or concerns please feel free to PM either myself or our Global Moderator, Mismir. Sincerely, Laurasia
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jleaw
New Member
?How sad the world is, so beautiful yet so absurd...? Irene Nemirovsky
Posts: 12
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Post by jleaw on Jan 27, 2012 22:23:50 GMT -5
Kris, Thanks for your thoughtful message I'm sorry to hear about everything you can relate and must be going through a lot of equally as unique, difficult issues, but also so, so thankful to have found this site. See, you are absolutely right--I almost clicked on the regression techniques section before, but felt unprepared. Are the results to regression practices drastic? Thanks, ignotus! Laurasia, You seem so well-informed and supportive--I appreciate the time you took into typing all of that :-) I've read a couple of books about Holocaust PL stories, but had no idea there was actually a group of people who can relate so well to what I've been experiencing. I've considered researching more about victims with that name, but apparently there were thousands of names show up in every search I do, many with little to no information! Do you have any advice about what the next step should be, after accepting a possible PL as a Holocaust victim? I used to think it would be a waste of time to put much thought into my spiritually/PL, but it's amazing how often negative feelings/tendancies surface, the more I get out of tune with it (if that makes any sense). I'm looking forward to reading everyone elses' stories and suggestions :-) Take care, Jordan
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Post by Laurasia on Jan 29, 2012 14:26:26 GMT -5
Hi Jordan. I can certainly understand your frustration in trying to find information about a given name. Imagine my own trying to find a Nazi named Hans! Hans is such a common name in Germany! LOL! Just keep trying to find something relating to the name which clicks for you so you can research it further. It definitely helps to keep a written record what you have already looked through as well! After all, when there are thousands of hits it can be very easy to "lose your place". The same thing happens when doing genealogical research unfortunately. As for where to go next in all of this....I would strongly suggest that you start some sort of meditative/relaxation exercises & see if anything starts to come through for you. Are you aware of any particular meditative techniques that you could try out? If not, you could try something like counting yourself down into a relaxed, meditative state to a door through which you can view scenes from a previous life. Or you could just try getting into a relaxed, meditative state & then imagining what kind of life you may have had during WWII. Just remember to ask your personal guides, or the Divine Itself, to guide & protect you from any outside influences while you are doing so. If you're less inclined to meditative work there are other options available to "get your mind in the proper state for recall" as well. Are you particularly drawn to hearing/learning German, Polish, Russian, etc? If so, you could get some music (or even just language learning materials) in order to hear that given language (even if you don't know what is being said ) in order to relax & let your mind wander. The same can be done with movies or books as well. And by all means.....WRITE EVERYTHING THAT YOU GET DOWN! Even if it is just a notebook to write your thoughts into at this point. Sometimes the floodgates to the past can open quite quickly & we can lose track of everything. It can also help you later to see patterns or help you to figure out how certain things relate to each other. You can find some other suggestions for these sorts of things in the "Past Life Recall Techniques & Support" board. I could also try & offer you some more suggestions if you would like as well. In any case, take it slowly & let things unfold to you as they wish to. Sincerely, Laurasia
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jleaw
New Member
?How sad the world is, so beautiful yet so absurd...? Irene Nemirovsky
Posts: 12
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Post by jleaw on Jan 29, 2012 22:06:19 GMT -5
Hi Laurasia, I can't even imagine the frustration! After typing you back the other day, I got on Shoah Names Database. When I was younger, I used to play and make everyone call me "Tzipora" and I thought to type that in with my current last name. There was a Tzipora Lea Weisz (Lea has been my middle name since birth) and I thought that was odd, but wasn't able to find out any more information. Out of curiousity, do you see any facial similarities between your facial features now and Hans's? I've always wondered about things like that! Well, I'm in my fourth semester of German studies at college, but--honestly--it doesn't come easily to me and I don't have much of a personal interest. I'm not sure which particular culture, but I love the Russian language and especially love really an Eastern European area. So well for narrowing it down! The only meditative practice I've tried is one where you imagine that you are going through tunnel, then find yourself in a garden, where you are supposed to speak with your spirit guide. It was taught to me in a yoga course once, but it sounds like it might work well for a reincarnation regression practice, as well? It seems that everyone keeps mentioning spirit guides! I'm not a very relaxed person, so it's really challenging for me to get to the state that you're talking about, lol. I will check out that board. Thanks for all the help!
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Post by Laurasia on Feb 2, 2012 15:49:08 GMT -5
Hi jleaw. Oh I know how frustrating trying to find your exact former incarnation historically can be. It took me some time to find Hans actually. But try to think of it this way.....most people never find any photographs of their former selves. We are lucky to have lived lives in which there may be a photograph left somewhere. Facial similarities between myself & Hans? Hmmmm....my eyes perhaps? The color specifically. Though the photos that I have of Hans are all black & white so the "blueness" that I'm referring to is what I recall of his eyes from recollections. I never really thought about it much myself. I do have a striking resemblance to another, older past life of mine as I discovered quite unexpectedly while looking in the mirror a few years ago. LOL! Perhaps MissBothmann would be better equipped to answer that question for you since she can be more objective about it. That sounds like a wonderful meditative exercise for past life recall & is actually very similar to one that I know of that is used for past life recollections. Getting there is a matter of preference afterall, but once you connect with your guide(s) you would simply ask them to show or tell you something about one of your past incarnations. ;D I can certainly understand the difficulty in reaching such a relaxed state though, so try some of the "less traditional" methods mentioned on the forum & see if tey are able to assist you in reaching that state for yourself. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by jhwoodw on Feb 9, 2012 14:24:12 GMT -5
Hi Jordan!
I have been doing a lot of reading of other people's PL "symptoms" to see where I fit (more perp or victim) and haven't come across the fear of pregnancy (tokophobia) yet. I am so glad you wrote about that because I have the same thing! I am in premed studies and also work on bones and mummies as an Anthropologist, so I get into some pretty nasty stuff. But when we had to learn about the female reproductive system in Anatomy and Physiology, I had to leave the room. I have always been extremely terrified of getting pregnant and childbirth, and would prefer to adopt whe the time comes. But I have never reacted like that before! I almost vomited on my desk when the instructor was explaining the process of birth and lactation. No Idea why my feelings on the subject were so strong. I know I was a man in my WWII PL, but suspect I may have had medical training so that could be the link.
I want to compile the symptom similarities I have found on a thread and will be adding this one! As a (paleo)pathologist I find validation in patterns and it is interesting how so many victims share symptons, while the perp symptons (also common within their group) vary a bit. Though some are shared by both, there are a few that appear to be very exclusive to one group or the other. Fascinating! Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a rant here, but I just wanted to thank you so much for sharing. You have really given me something to think about!
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Post by Leutnantzursee on Feb 11, 2012 19:09:30 GMT -5
Hello Jleaw, I'm so sorry for some reason I missed your intro post, I've only just found it, so my apologies for a late official welcome to SR! Your story is so sad and tragic, I can only feel terrible for you :-( As you know my PL little sister was put to death because she was in the eyes of the Nazis 'unworthy of life' and I was made to see her death in a spontaneous recall recently, which has disturbed me deeply, so I guess I feel connected to both parties in the horror that was the Holocaust. Yes, I agree with Laurasia, it seems likely your phobia of pregnancy could be down to what happened to women in the camps if they were, you may also have seen other heavily pregnant women who were beaten or butchered in front of you, which might explain your repulsion at seeing pregnant stomachs, I hate to think what could have happened to these poor women. Clearly this has affected you so deeply, it must make that side of things very painful and difficult, I really hope that as your PL unfolds you may be able to heal from this phobia:-) I also think that food is an issue for all of us, I suppose anyone living through WW2 would have experienced at the very least rationing, I know I tend to bolt my food like I won't see another meal, I don't particularly overeat but I'm still fat, so its like my body has shut off as if it expects to starve. I also understand your connection to all things Jewish, I have that too but it stems from my life before Emil's when I was an American Jewish woman, I also came close some years ago to wanting to integrate Jewish festivals into my life. An old friend of mine from school as a camp victim and she too wanted to convert. I assume you know about Rabbi Gersholm, his work on PL Holocaust victims is really fascinating, Ms Mir knows more about that I think:-)
Oh - I sent you a PM the other day, don't know if you got it! It took me a while to work out that this site has a personal messages folder, I only looked when someone told me that they'd PM'ed me!
Liz x
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Post by gumby on Feb 12, 2012 19:25:19 GMT -5
Thankyou for sharing your experiences with us, jleaw. I am sorry to learn of the suffering that you went through in the concentration camp. It is amazing that you have found the roots of your past in this time in war torn Germany. I don't think that there is much that you can draw on positive about that experience, but hopefully you will begin to heal from these wounds now that you have more perception of what happened to you. We are here to listen and comfort, I am glad that you have found us here.
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Post by msmir on Feb 12, 2012 22:45:15 GMT -5
Hi and welcome, I am not on very often because I am incredibly busy but I missed your post. I am sorry to hear about your current life issues such as binge eating (which I can relate to, and many other reincarnated victims battle binge eating and obesity due to fear of being hungry, and using food to fill a void, very sad but it is something that needs to obviously be worked through and I am not doing great with it right now due to other unrelated stress) and phobia of pregnancy. Phobias I know are a result of recent past life trauma, that is if you are unable to pinpoint the cause in the current life. I was a child that died in the Holocaust and even though I don't have too many memories per se (a few I do), the feeling of terror and unworthiness is all too familiar to me. But we are all work in progress, and that is how I am looking at it. If we were brave enough to reincarnate, then that means we are here to heal but at the pace we are comfortable with. Some days I have good days and other days I have bad days with it. It is ok, we are entitled to bad days as healing is no walk in the park from past life trauma. I am terrified of losing my freedom, as that is one of my fears. I am sure studying German for you feels strange in some way as I have no interest in studying German, let alone other languages. One thing to remember is, don't rush healing, ever. It will bring you back to square one fast and that is something you will not want happening. You will heal at the pace that is right for you and if that means it takes a few lifetimes, then so be it. You will also remember things that you are meant to, as you may not be ready for all memories to flood in at once.
That is interesting too how you and many other non-Jewish reincarnated victims are so drawn to Judaism. I was born into a Jewish family in this lifetime again but I have completely shunned it, and really do not follow any organized religion. I think a part of me is afraid to tell people I have come from a Jewish home, but I also know this is karmic for me as the life before my last one in Victorian England I was horribly anti-Semetic and even caught myself having anti-Semetic thoughts in this life (nothing serious but just had moments where I ignorantly stereotyped Jews as rich, snobs, etc), which I am not proud to say either. But I have learned since then as well. We are all unique and have fault and good qualities regardless of where we come from.
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Post by Storm on Feb 13, 2012 7:16:36 GMT -5
Hello, and belated welcome. I am not here much either right now and also missed your post.
I am deeply sorry about your PL pain and wish you the very best on your journey to piece it all together and heal.
I saw you asked about facial similarity to one's past life. In my case there is definitely a facial similarity, (more's the pity).
Glad you found this forum, it is a very special place.
x
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Feb 28, 2012 17:51:17 GMT -5
Hello and welcome to the site. I am sorry that I have been delayed in responding but I do not get online often at the current time. I am so sorry for what you have went through in your past life. You are already on the right road to healing just by reaching out to others. I am sure the more that you meditate and research, more will come to you. Reading your story was very interesting, and I look forward to reading more. LOL! Ok, but Laurasia I guess you are right. Most of my PL memories do have Hans in them. I would say the eye color is pretty similar, though Hans' was more of what would be considered "ice eyes" meaning that they were lighter blue than yours. At times, I would also say that you have the posture, especially when walking.
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