Anxiety/Panic Attacks

[Laurasia]

I know that I haven't been online very often lately & it has been health issues that have kept me off. (One of them being yet ANOTHER head cold! :

Anyway, for some time now I have had some strange symptoms which have become much more frequent. I was terrified that the issue was with my heart since heart disease runs rampantly through my family. I prayed often about the problem & then about an hour before my doctor appointment I suddenly had the thought "It's not your heart, you're having panick attacks" come into my mind. And it turns out that is indeed what is going on. So since then I have been researching both subjects & implementing many of the suggested methods of managing them into my life, with much success! (Just knowing what has been causing the symptoms has been the greatest help though. )

So I have been exercising more, eating better, meditating, using techniques like deep breathing, etc. I've also been working to change my outlook on things, though this is MUCH easier said than done. I've had to resign myself to the fact that I cannot change anyone else, so in order to keep myself healthy I need to change the way that I react to others. I'm still very new to all of it (though I have read numerous things about anxiety in the past), since I've never considered myself to be an "anxious person". After deeper research though it turns out that, at least in regards to certain things, I am rather anxious & I do have anxiety-inducing reactions to many forms of stimuli. So 2011 seems to be a year of new lifestyle changes for me whether I planned it that way or not. ;D

I know that some of you have had personal experience with just these sorts of things yourselves, so I wanted to create a thread for us to share our experiences with anxiety &/or panic attacks with one another. And if anyone else is learning how to manage these things we could offer each other support through the process. ;D

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Aww, sweetie. I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished already in just a few short days. I must admit that I do not have the inner strength to help myself that much that quick. Of course, I also realize that my anxiety issues are a common thread that has run through many of my lifetimes. It is just a matter of breaking the cycle for me I guess you could say. I pray and try to take it one day at a time. I have been pretty good lately, but I have my moments. A lot of times it gets worse around that time in a woman's life that she hates every month.

[mccoyxyz]

All right, I'll take a chance on this one. As usual, I end up with the minority opinion, and usually a minority of one, but here's how I see it.
Logically speaking, I should of course experience some of this stuff during the day. That is, I do a lot of hardcore exercise and deal with a lot of stressful stuff. Yet nothing happens.
It's when I'm lying in bed, haven't fallen asleep yet; that sometimes I get all the heart palpitation thing, where I think it might be a heart attack.
Years ago, I used to worry about all this stuff. Now, I just say, "oh shut up G-d, you don't scare me with any of that. Life is unpleasant enough, I'd just as soon leave anyhow. So, either give me the heart attack and get it over with, or desist and let me go to sleep."
I'm still here, though I'm not sure that really says anything.
It does happen a lot less often though.

[Iseke]

Yes! Always at night for me too!

I've had health anxiety and OCD my whole life (stemming from far before my mom died of liver failure, but that didn't ease things...)

In my teens things kind of erupted and my health anxiety became hypochondria, wherein for over a year I thought I was dying from several major illnesses often at once, starting with my biggest worries: cancer and heart disease.

I'm still scared of those things, and laying in bed at night, every little skip or weird beat that I'd notice just sent me into terror. But eventually, I slowly started to realize that many of my symptoms were either psychosomatic or anxiety induced.

I do get panic attacks from time to time, but ironically, one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever had came when I got my first big one: the first time I smoked marijuana I had taken a rather larger hit than I meant to, and sitting there on the couch nearly numb I started to feel the "Oh my God I'm dying" panic creep in. And then I stopped....and thought "Wait. I'm just having a panic attack. That's all it is." And the panic went away right as I realized it and mastered myself.

Now, it doesn't come that easily for me in general, but because of that incident and because of my unique mindstate at the time, I know what is happening and can work to get it under control. (For the record, I don't and haven't smoked anything in years; and it was only just the few times back then. I mention this because sometimes smoking marijuana has been associated with increased anxiety.)

Now, what I do is hold a piece of amethyst or lepidolite when I get anxious. That helps me immensely. Both have calming influences and are always helpful to hold on to.

Also, years later I learned where some of my bigger health fears were originating from: past life stuff. Knowing that eases my fears a bit, at least.

[mccoyxyz]

My experience is somewhat the same and somewhat different.
Logically speaking, I should be a raving hypochondriac, as certainly my mother, maternal grandfather and brother were. However, I never have been. From an age of about ten onwards, I had a sense of absolute knowingness that I was one of those people destined to hang around forever and then some.
The last serious illness I had was appendicitis at age ten. Since then, it's only been superficial stuff like tropical footrot after an ill fated trip. In fact, all of those flus which go around every winter simply never touch me. I find my level of immunity to be almost frightening; that is, it has to be karmic, surely no one simply gets a body like that due to random chance.
As well I seem immune to injuries, the only broken bone I've ever had is one small toe.
So, there's a political joke here in Canada, where the party that's in opposition will ask the governing party if they are in for a long time or a good time. It would appear that the powers that be have decided that for me, it's a long time in my case.
So whenever the heart thing happened, I was really only worried about it at first, first few weeks. Once I started to roll with it, I was actually hoping at some point I'd get to leave. No such luck so far.
The $64 question is of course why? Near as I can figure, they don't trust me, assume I will simply pick the first available exit point and go. And in that, they would be right.
So, while I don't much care for any of this, in a sort of a way I understand it.
Best wishes.

[Laurasia]

I'm not surprised that you two are mentioning having panic attacks at night, as that's not unheard of at all. Simply because during the day our minds are occupied with other things & at night, once our minds start to relax from thinking of a million other things, it starts to focus inwardly on the little blips & beeps that out bodies naturally do. It then has its' chance to start freaking about it.

We've found that I am also having nighttime panic attacks that are likely brought on by sleep apnea...so that's yet another reason to lose weight. The extra weight is likely causing the sleep apnea, which in turn is throwing me into panic attacks.

Thank you for your sweet words Miss Bothmann. It has been much better for me just knowing exactly what is going on. It hasn't stopped the attacks, but it has helped me to manage them when they do occur. Your support through all of this has been invaluable as well. You don't make a big deal out of the fact that I'm having an attack when they do occur & that helps me to not make a big deal about it either.

And I'm glad that I've been researching all of this because it taught me something that I DEFINITELY would have fallen for otherwise....the object is NOT to eliminate panic attacks, it is to learn how to manage them & ride them out when they do occur. Had I not known that I would have definitely been discouraged by the fact that they do keep occuring. They're still distressing & I still have trouble calmly riding out the stronger ones, but it's much better than it was at the beginning of the year.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[msmir]

I get anxious and my mind is always worrying during the day, and I feel more calm at night which is interesting. And yes I am busy during the day but working and doing things that I don't particularly care for either lol. There is no cure for panic and anxiety, but working through it is the only way to deal with it properly.. and it takes work like everything in life does.

[Laurasia]

Speaking of nighttime panic attacks.....I had a doozy the night before last! For over a week now I have had a terrible head cold & while I was sleeping all of the congestion shifted down into my throat. This caused me to wake up in a full-blown panic attack as I choked & coughed trying to breathe through the congestion. I eventually was able to get the congestion broken up a bit, take my medicine, & slather on some Vicks, so I then started to try & calm myself a bit. I had a bit of trouble doing it this time though & thusly had to distract myself for a bit. I was finally able to get back to bed about an hour & a half later.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Thank you for your sweet words Miss Bothmann. It has been much better for me just knowing exactly what is going on. It hasn't stopped the attacks, but it has helped me to manage them when they do occur. Your support through all of this has been invaluable as well. You don't make a big deal out of the fact that I'm having an attack when they do occur & that helps me to not make a big deal about it either.

You are very welcome sweetie! I tend to get my worst anxiety bouts at night as well. Very annoyingly, at times it happens during my meditation period, which is SUPPOSED to be when I relax! Go figure, eh?

[Laurasia]

I tend to get my worst anxiety bouts at night as well. Very annoyingly, at times it happens during my meditation period, which is SUPPOSED to be when I relax! Go figure, eh?

Hi Miss Bothmann.

Yep, the same concept applies to meditation as well. The key is to just refocus your concentration when that happens. (Look at me given MEDITATION ADVICE! LOL!) I've always been notoriously bad at meditating, yet while researching my anxiety & panic attacks I came across a wonderfully simple meditation that even I can do....which is simply to sit up in a chair & focus on your breathing coming in & out of your nostrils. Sounds too simple to work, but it does! ;D

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Funny story...one time I used that exact method. I was almost in the alpha state when my one nostril began making a whistling sound! My ensuing laughter defintly broke my concentration. haha

[silver]

Eww, panic attacks x_x I'm on anti-anxiety meds for my phobia, so they're quite rare now, but I used to have them regularly D: It wasn't a simple heart palpitation, either, it was full-blown OH MY GOD I'M DYING stuff. It became easier to control once I knew what it was, but... well, the first one was hilariously dire.

It was 4am, I was up late reading something about how emetophobes who avoid yarking can sometimes make an existing illness worse (not being able to expel something causing digestion issues, I think) and I started to worry. When I worry, I get nauseous. When I get nauseous, I start to freak. When I freak, I get more nauseous... vicious cycle alert!

Anyway, out of the blue I was drenched in a cold sweat, my heart hammering in my chest - I could feel every beat, and I was gasping for air. I just couldn't breathe, every inhalation felt like I was trying to breathe syrup instead of oxygen, and I got so dizzy the room tilted. Along with it came the worst symptom of panic attacks; the sense of impending doom. I was dying alone at a stupid hour of the morning and I didn't know why *dramatic music*

I raced into the living room to wake up my mum - she's bedbound - and try breathlessly to plead for her to call an ambulance, I was having a heart attack or something, wheeze gasp wheeze. She managed to sit herself up, got a paper bag and ordered me to breathe into it, very calmly and authoritively. I played along (heh) because I thought she'd call an ambulance when she realised I was totally dying for serious! here. But it got the hyperventilation under control, and she spoke very gently and serenely while the symptoms faded.

Honestly, I just felt so embarrassed. Apparently my dad had a panic attack just after my family were robbed when I was a baby - and he actually did make her call an ambulance; that helped me feel a little less insane. But still, it's mortifying when you realise it was simply a product of your own mind driving your body into a frenzy - you get so dramatic! After that I was able to ward off the certainty that I was about to die that made that attack so horrible, and learn to re-focus my breathing after a minute or two of abject terror.

So yes - much sympathy from this end :/ It's true that once you identify them and know the symptoms and cause, they have much less power over you. But they're still anything but pleasant.

[msmir]

Do you know what caused your emetophobia? Ironically I am less phobic of myself being sick than I am of others. I have kids and cannot care for them if they do the dreaded and I refuse to feel guilty about it because IT IS OK TO HAVE A PHOBIA! And just because I cannot take care of them if it happens does not make me a bad mother like so many ignorant people have judged me. They don't know my life and anything about it and what other stuff I have been through so they have no business judging. Firstly my kids rarely do it and secondly when they do my husband is the single dad... and he is patient with it. He realizes this is one thing I cannot handle. And if they don't hold it against me, my daughter even understands my phobia... then why should anyone else care? Sorry, don't mean to vent about it.. still maddens me how people can just be judgmental, even other emetophobes. Anyway.. I know my phobia stemmed from watching others get sick in the experimental labs since I was a child in the Holocaust. I carried that with me, but because I have a lot of other stuff to heal from, my emetophobia is on the back burner in this life and I wanted to heal from it at a point but it just was not meant to happen and since it does not paralyze me and stop me from doing things and I don't deny my kids of anything either even if there is a risk of them catching a stomach thing... so it is true, just because you may know where a phobia stems from or what you even have that is disturbing you... if you are meant to completely heal from it, then you will.. if not you will know that too, because since we are dealing with healing from past life trauma we will at our own pace and it does not mean to take care of everything all at once.

[silver]

MsMir - I've been on various emetophobia support sites, and you are SO not alone. The younger ones talk about dreading pregnancy, dreading having their kids getting ill - and the parents talk about having their significant other take care of the kids when they're not well. I can't believe an emetophobe could possibly judge you for that - my phobia is both of myself being ill, and other people being ill, and I know how debilitating that fear is. I run for the hills when someone's not well, even if it's someone I'm responsible for, like the twins I used to babysit, or my kitty. It's like... some part of your mind takes over completely. There's no logic or reason, just sheer terror. I'm glad your family understands; mine do now, but it took many years to get there.

If anyone ever judges you, or says a bad word about this one Achilles' Heel you have, remember that emetophobia is the sixth most common phobia on the planet. Millions of people, lots of them parents, feel exactly as you do. Don't let ignorance and self-righteousness get to you. (Wow, I went on my own vent there!)

I've seen a lot of psychiatrists who put me on meds because they simply can't figure it out. I have lots of emetophobia-horror in my childhood... but the thing is, I was an emetophobe before those situations happened. My mum says I hated it since I was old enough to crawl, and I'd cry and shake. Right now my GP is trying to get me to see a psych specialising in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but the waiting list is a mile long. I'm better with my phobia now (I had to leave those sites because just thinking about it panicked me) but that's because of the medication. I used to be practically a shut-in, and since I don't want to be on medication forever, I think it is a challenge for me to work through in this life.

Honestly, when I read the memories of the emetophobes here, I was expecting to find out that I was in the same boat - the lack of a starting point for my phobia has always mystified me. I'm beginning to think, though, that there was possibly another incarnation between Marlene and me (sounds like a movie title >>) and perhaps it stems from that.

[Iseke]

Msmir and I were both discussing the fact that in our current lives, an episode seems to have taken place to trigger our latent fears of this. I am not certain what occurred in Irina's lifetime that may have fueled it (I was a nurse though before the camps and probably saw and dealt with a lot of sickness), but what I do know is that my phobia seems to have been set off in this life by what happened to me as a kid.

I was given ipecac after an incidental drug overdose at the age of two and the result was that I am terrified of being put into a situation where I may be made sick. That means that others being sick only scares me to the extent that -I- could get sick from it. Although it terrifies and upsets me to see a person getting sick after, say, drinking too much or some other non-contagious cause, what really upsets me is if what they are doing can make me sick too. When I was little it was so bad that I wouldn't do anything if I knew it was culturally associated with getting sick: riding on rides, airplanes, etc. At the age of three, I cried the whole flight from Tucson to LA because I had learned somewhere that airplanes sometimes make some people nauseous. The flight didn't bother me, but the idea of it sure did. When I was four I had stupidly swallowed a mouthful of fluoride and after going through the expected response thirty minutes or so later, I spent the rest of my childhood running in fear of the little fluoride cups they'd bring to class every few months. (And the dentist? Forget that!)

Haha, well, I'm not that bad about things anymore. But yeah, it's tough, and the event in my early childhood was like a trigger for my dormant trauma that opened a floodgate. Just knowing about that episode made a huge difference in the severity of my fear, but I still have a ways to go.