New to the forum

[veilchen]

Just a quiet hello from a new member, "Veilchen." I found your forum today and am very happy to know these exchanges are taking place. I'm a bit shy, but I hope to tell more of my story at some point. For now, let me wish you a good evening and thank each of you for your courage, kindness, and willingness to heal.

[gumby]

It is wonderful to have you, veilchen. I hope to hear about your experiences soon. Please feel free to share at anytime, this site is all about sharing, healing, and understanding.

[Leutnantzursee]

Hello Vielchen

Welcome to SR :-) We always love to hear our member's stories, but understand some of you are shy about posting - no problem :-) If and when you feel ready, please feel free to share, you won't be met with judgement, as Gumby says we're all committed to a gentle healing process.

All the best
Liz

[veilchen]

Thanks very much for your warm welcomes.

Forgive my reticence. I hesitated to join the forum at all for two reasons, neither of which relates to anyone here personally.

My reincarnation "recognition" began back in 1991. Since then, I hesitated to tell anyone about it except for one person, a man I considered a trusted friend. After I told him, he cut me out of his life completely without a word of explanation. I still do not know the reason.

Apart from that, but possibly because of the past life, I have always been reticent to join any kind of group, especially political ones. Still, I wandered by last week and this particular group felt quite different to me.

I believe I was a Nazi, a woman married to an officer, during the early years of the NSDAP. I was not German, but my husband was. I died in the early 1930's before the war.

My early years are haunted with dreams, predilections, and irrational preferences which until my experience in 1991, never made sense.

Childhood dreams of being a young girl riding in a sleigh through heavy snow up to the grounds of a particular house haunted me, as did others of an elegant lady dressed in the fashions of about 1918 as she waited at a window overlooking a city street in northern Europe.

I was utterly obsessed with World War I, the German language, and anything to do with the Weimar era and early days of the Hitler movement. It was an obsession and a revulsion at the same time, as I'm sure many of you can understand.

I adore the fashions, manners, and trends of the teens and twenties, and often listened to the the music from 1890-1930 to the exclusion of much else.

I have always been told I do not "look like I should be from this time." When I ask why I am told "there is just something about you." I do not dress, style my hair, or accessorize in any unusual way, so this must be an "energy imprint" from that time, if you will.

A source of shame for me is this: I was brought up in a very socially liberal, open-minded family of German and English descent, but I felt anti-Semitic for many years. Not only was I free from a racist environment, but racism was mentioned as one of the lowest forms of belief there was. I was ashamed of this feeling and knew it was quite wrong, and I did not act upon it, nor speak of it. But I felt it nonetheless. Over the last month or two I have felt the residual elements of this irrational belief leave me. Perhaps that is why I found this group when I did. That last little bit had to leave.

For many, many years, I have felt as if I have had one foot in the past and one in the present. I was desperately --- one might say madly, blindly --- in love with my husband in that life. There is a pull toward him that is very strong. He is still "in spirit." I also have a strange nostalgia for the teens and twenties that may never leave me.

On the other hand, there is shame, disgust, and deep sadness for what happened after I died. And also for what I participated in by giving political support to a movement which brought horror and devastation to the world.

For better or worse, I have just said more in ten minutes than in the last 21 years! Still, I wanted to share more of why I have come here in good faith. Thank you for your patience in hearing what I had to say.

[Leutnantzursee]

Hello Veilchen :-)

Thank you so much for sharing some of your memories and my apologies for the late response, a lot of the time I miss posts when things are busy in the non-virtual world! I'm sure your experiences in that life were echoed by many of the wives of SS personnel, there was a very attractive allure to these men, not only felt by women, but by German men who felt in awe of our 'Aryan Knights'. I certainly was very spellbound by the SS, who to their own people seemed the very epitome of bravery and goodness. Of course most of us had no idea what was really happening in the camps, and no doubt many of the camp staff never informed their families of what horror was unfolding. Most of us were ingrained with antisemitism but never in our wildest dreams, did we envisage a 'final solution' in which so many innocents would lose their lives :-( Fortunately I never felt such feelings in this life toward Jews or any other race, I was always naturally a very cosmopolitan and 'live and let live' person, so the shock of finding my own Nazi PL was devastating. I'm glad you were able to deal with those urges and work through them and I'm sure for some reincarnated Nazis antisemitism may still be an issue, especially among our brethren who still believe in the ideology as it stood and have come back as neo Nazis in this life time. I always felt a little (to some degree) 'afraid' of Jews and sort of guilty, now I know this is how my own discomfort manifested, but more as a sense of shame. But we all work through these old paradigms I believe, in the best way we can. I too love the fashions of all those eras :-) I lived during WW1 before incarnating back in time for the second round of conflicts, but in that life I was on the side of the Allies and a woman.

Again, thank you for sharing Veilchen and I'm glad you felt able to get it all out, I hope this has helped you and please feel free to add to this thread with more info, if you feel moved to do so. We are always here to listen and help, even if it takes us a while to respond to posts! :-)

[Demi]

Hello and welcome from me also!
We are here to help each other
By sharing our experiences and reading others we help understand & learn how to deal with it, and hopefully help evolve in our current lives.

There are two quotes that might help you (both from India)... one is that 'the past is always a lesser evolved state'; we are wiser today than we were yesterday.

And the second one is 'never judge a man by his past, he may have become a saint by now.
I think this applies esp. to past lives

Nov 19, 2012 0:05:13 GMT -5 Leutnantzursee said:

I'm sure your experiences in that life were echoed by many of the wives of SS personnel, there was a very attractive allure to these men, not only felt by women, but by German men who felt in awe of our 'Aryan Knights'. I certainly was very spellbound by the SS, who to their own people seemed the very epitome of bravery and goodness.

Huh, wow, Lizzie! That may explain an experience I wrote down some months ago, where I saw 'neat' German 'fan' girls running after the "Knights of Adi', secret meetings & a sort of groupie thing going on!
How ironic that Fritsi's real soulmate was a prisoner girl whom he could never be with for real
Is that why I have so much trouble feeling and expressing 'love' to someone, as if it's a hopeless deal?

All the best
Demi

[Leutnantzursee]

Yes I think there must have been a lot of fan girls back then, and I bet those guys LOVED the attention! No wonder Emil wanted to join the SS (actually I still have no idea if he did, but he seems to have been involved in some kind of secret ops within Naval intelligence). Either way, it was every young HJ's dream to be among the 'knights'! ;D I do think our love lives are badly affected in the present by fears from back then, nomadicsoul has discussed this too in relation to his present partner. Whatever the particulars, we all lost those we loved in some way it seems, war divided us and shattered our dreams of ever finding anything permanent in the deepest sense I know Emil didn't have a girlfriend, but my issues with Lisi as you know, have made me feel terrible unworthiness and fear in this life in regards to any love. Was the girl prisoner the guy you were telling me about on my thread, out of interest?

[Demi]

I'm not sure if they are the same person... Whenever remembering Ala I am wondering if I get to meet her this time around... She was a really special and extremely strong person... Her eyes could see beyond the surface and straight into my soul... that awoke respect. She changed Fritsi and his perception about stuff in many ways. I feel she was an old soul when fate brought us together in such a hopeless situation.

The guy I am talking about... there was some v. strong energies going which I found was from a PL in a tribe where we did rituals together. Not to exclude the possibility of him being Ala, but I have no proof of it, except they both being into doing poetry. I do see why he was having trouble handling my intense hitting on him and awkward ambiguity if he has been Ala. He is a deep, very transcendent person and old soul but very sensitive and having lot of strange health issues.

Whenever I try to draw Ala she always looks so sad... well, I don't blame her.
Compared to drawings I did of the guy... I noticed similarity.

All the best
Demi

[Laurasia]

Hello Veilchen.

I apologize for not getting to this sooner, but I have been not been able to get online in recent weeks. Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your thoughts & recollections with us. I hope that it has proved beneficial for you in some way. I know that simply letting these things out can be helpful in & of itself.

I am sorry to hear about the bad experience you had when sharing these things with a friend. Unfortunately we do sometimes get such reactions. (Which is precisely why many of us only discuss these things here on the forum & not in our everyday lives.) Perhaps that friend had a past life of their own from back then & was not able to deal with all of it being put in their face so suddenly?

In any case, I am glad that you were able to find us & moreso that you did decide to register & post about these things. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to PM myself or one of our Moderators, Msmir & Lizzie66.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[msmir]

hi Vielchen, sorry I have not welcomed you until now. I have been very busy. But I have to say that was brave for you to share this on here and whenever you are feeling the need, keep opening up here. No one will judge. Anyone reincarnated from that time period regardless of the side is dealing with their own form of trauma in their current lifetime. So glad you are here.

Mir

[nomadicsoul]

Please excuse my late reply. Welcome to the forum. I hope you will find it a safe and inviting place, a refuge of sorts.