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Post by euskanoravian on Aug 29, 2010 0:49:26 GMT -5
Hi there. My name is Andi. I am a 36 year old married mom of 5 girls- ages almost 15 to nearly 8. I am disabled due to an autoimmune liver condition which requires me to take immunosuppressive drugs. They are quite debilitating and very harsh on my system. When I was 6 and 7, I used to have nightmares constantly about burning books and destroying buildings. I heard a lot of screaming in the background. It was blood curdling. I was participating in the vandalism. I had no clue as to what the dreams had meant back then, but I remember waking up so upset and confused. When I became older, other incidents such as feeling extreme remorse after reading the "Diary of Anne Frank" at 14. Seeing swastikas also had a deep effect on me. Hearing the name "Hitler", even as a child made me furious. Had lingering sense of guilt for reasons unknown. After the bitter breakup with my ex-fiance at 19, I fell into a serious depression. One Sunday morning I sipped coffee trying to recover from a hangover. I began reading the paper. An article on the first page was about something to do with Simon Wiesenthall, and was very compelled to read it. After reading the word "Kristallknacht", images from my dreams I had as a child which I had forgotten about for years came over to me crystal clear. That was the moment when I had discovered who I was in my awful past life. I was a Nazi. My depression from my break up was bad enough. My discovery worsened it. I believed I was truly evil and was meant to suffer. Drinking, drugs and escape was my way of handling this. I self destructed for almost 2 years. My wonderful husband today rescued me from myself. Bless him. After further help with past life regression therapists and psychics, I found out more. I was born in Austria-Hungary in 1913. My father fought in the first world war and died. I was so little back then. My younger brother at 2 died from the measles and my mother had a nervous breakdown. She could no longer care for me. I was shipped off to one foster family after another. I was an angry, confused and lonely child. Fast forward to me being a young adult who was lucky enough to work as a book keeper in some factory during the yucky economic state in Vienna. Nazism was not legal but I joined the party and the SS underground. I had conflicted feelings about joining. It was not legal yet, but I was promised by my comrades who were sure of themselves that it was going to be very soon. National Socialism was the way to go, and it was our only hope for our future. It was the correct thing to do in order to improve the situation, so I was led to believe. But I was also not antisemitic, though I pretended to be. I was extremely nasty to Jews on the street. I hated myself for being that way, yet continued. I also joined the party because I feared if I didn't, my life could potentially be in danger. I fell into alcoholism and hated what I did by joining. I was also deathly afraid of being caught. But soon enough Anschluss happened, the air was festive, and there was nothing more to worry about. Ironically I was offered a better job at an auto parts factory doing assembly work by a man who came from Cologne. I could not refuse so I moved there. My guilt about joining the party got worse, but my feelings had to remain deeply buried. I was an excellent actor- for my life. Months later came Kristallknacht. Even though I did not really hate Jews, I still participated in it. After Kristallnacht I had a nervous breakdown. I did such a horrible thing. Everyone else did it too but I was not everyone else. I was me and I wanted out. I got out, by expressing the truth about how I felt. I called the others who were having fun, playing their poker and smoking cigars, monsters. I finally admitted I was not a Jew hater, and that I really hated the Fuhrer. In no time I was shot in the head. I was glad to be gone. I have always had a fear of cigars because it reminded me of death. No wonder. My middle daughter who is 11 is a reincarnated gypsie that perished in Auschwitz-Birkenau. I love my girls the same but I happen to be the closest to my 11 year old. She is anxious all of the time and she remembers her past. I'll talk more about how I connected with her another time. It is good to be here, and to talk about my past life hopefully without being judged. I am extremely sick. I have always been terrified of telling others, who even believe in reincarnation who I was in my past life. I don't ever want to be told I deserve to be sick because I was a Nazi in my past life Blessed Be, Andi
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Post by msmir on Aug 29, 2010 21:33:06 GMT -5
I am glad to see you here Andi! No need to be sorry for anything.. the reason we live different lives is to learn new things and see things through different perspectives. You had a conscience in your last life, and even though like all of us do.. you made some mistakes but you were very brave by speaking your truth. And anyone who ever tells you that you deserve sickness because of your past life as a Nazi is not worth your time. You will certainly never encounter that here.
Mir
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Post by mccoyxyz on Aug 30, 2010 9:42:25 GMT -5
Dreams started with me at age six also. Addiction seems to a be fact of life, especially those who were on the nazi side. My brother, now dead of alcohol at age 37, was reincarnated SS. My theory of how addictions work is this, it's related to how much mental imagery you might have and how vivid. Now myself, I simply never see anything at all in my mind, except of course in dreams. I think in text only. And almost always, dreams are black and white, lacking any real visual intensity. I don't drink nor do drugs nor have I ever. My brother saw a lot of imagery. In fact he was drinking two bottles of vodka a day from age 25 onwards. Not healthy at all, he looked like a camp inmate at his death, ie 5'11", less than 100 pounds.
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Aug 30, 2010 11:54:05 GMT -5
*hugs* Welcome, andi and thank you so much for sharing with us. I know that this took a lot of emotional release to do so. Miraim is right. No one here will ever, ever tell you that you are sick because you were a Nazi. That is preposterous and it will not be tolerated. Feel free to share whatever you like to find some healing. Everyone here is on this very same journey.
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Post by Laurasia on Aug 30, 2010 13:13:56 GMT -5
Hello Andi.
Welcome to the site, I have been looking forward to hearing from you. I hope that you are feeling a bit better than you have as of late. And I just wanted to reiterate that anyone attacking you or telling you that you deserve to be ill because of your having been a Nazi in your former life will be immeditaely banned from my forum. I absolutely will not tolerate any such behavior towards anyone, reincarnated victim or Nazi alike. So no worries there, hon. ~hugs~
Thank you so much for sharing with us. I, as Hans, was born in 1911 so I can actually relate with quite a bit of what you posted. Losing your father while being so young, growing up when the "economy" was pretty much non-existent, being raised by someone other than your biological family, becoming an alcoholic due to your circumstances, etc.
I am sorry that you met your end in such a way - though I can't say that I'm that surprised either. Of course that would be what would happen to someone spouting off in such a way....not that most of us didn't have those very same thoughts however. ~sigh~
It is wonderful to hear that your husband has been such a saving grace for you in this life. I am the same way with Miss Bothmann. If it hadn't been for her I can, quite literally, say that I would not be here now.
That is very interesting about your relationship with your 11 year old daughter. You say that she recalls her last life...do the two of your discuss your past lives often? It is wonderful that the two of you are able to be so close to one another now in this lifetime irregardless of your positions in your previous lives. ;D
Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by mccoyxyz on Aug 31, 2010 9:11:56 GMT -5
That's another issue I missed on thinking of, first time I saw this post, simply the economics. It quite simply was a lousy time. I was born 1914, in Tarnow, then part of the Austro Hungarian Empire, which later became part of the newly created Poland with the Treaty of 1919. Now of course history records the AHE was corrupt and it certainly was decadent, but it had a fine record of protection of its minorities, was actually a good place to live. People at Tarnow were rather ticked about being demoted to being Polish. And then of course we can't forget the post WW1 economic chaos, nor the Great Depression of the 1930's. Basically the poor became poorer, a lot of the well to do lost much of what they had. People like my family of origin, who managed to stay fairly prosperous were quite rare. It goes without saying that almost everyone's choices, including mine, were negatively impacted by the environment of the times. My guess, a lot of the nazis simply would not have been so had there been any jobs around.
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Post by euskanoravian on Aug 31, 2010 23:01:02 GMT -5
Thank you for making me feel right at home. I have been quite ill over the last few days, but I did have a few moments to lurk around the forum. I have read your memories and recollections. All so heart wrenching, yet quite touching. I also want to let you know that no one has ever told me that I deserve to be ill because of my past life as a Nazi. I am very careful with who I tell. I must admit, regardless I worry about encountering those words because I am quite guilt ridden. That is simply my own insecurities talking. I need to overcome that, somehow. Mir, I know you are emetophobic. Ironically, my middle one is too. I hope by me saying this, you are not bothered. I get sick a lot. It is a side effect from all of the medication I am on. Whenever she is around, I make sure I am no where around her if I am nauseated. I run the taps in the washroom. I do anything to drown out the sound. Have you found that many other reincarnated victims have the same phobia? I know her intense fear of vomit stems from her previous life too. I am aware the inmates were served spoiled food quite often in the camps, what little of it there was. I am so sorry you are plagued with this phobia. Some phobias are very difficult to overcome, and I can easily see how this would be one of them. Mccoyxyz, that is quite tragic about your brother. If you don't mind sharing, what kind of dreams did you have? It does not at all sound like they were overly vivid. My dreams have always been vivid, and honestly at times I wish they were not. Even though the economy is not at its best currently, I am quite thankful that there is not that darkness in the air now like there was back then. Miss Bothmann, I have read about your past. I would not at all be surprised if we bumped into one another on the street. Anschluss was quite festive, wasn't it? More so for you since you met your love. Laurasia, I was extremely fascinated to read about your past as Hauptsturmfuhrer Bothmann. I can only imagine how disturbing your memories must be. I got such shivers when I read about the gas vans. The funny thing is, I recently watched a clip about survivor Shimon Shrebnik talking about Kulmhof. I have to say I am glad that I died shortly after Kristallnacht because I did not have to physically go through any of that. Nonetheless, I did stick around in spirit around Auschwitz-Birkenau. Not long after my death, I had made an agreement with my spirit guides to be one of the guides to help out the inmates. Specifically, my job was to serve them as spirit guides to support them telepathically in order for them to keep strong in that harsh environment. Many spirits did take on that job. That is how I connected with my middle daughter. She died of typhus and I helped her cross over properly. I am blessed to have her as my daughter. Even though I was not there in physical form, I have had many nightmares about Auschwitz because I hung around there in spirit. I always wake up in a cold sweat when I do. Blessed Be, Andi P.S. By the way, I had forgotten to say this before. During my regression therapy sessions, the name I got for myself was Heinrich Friesen. I have tried looking up Heinrich Friesen and had found nothing. I wish I could find out something about Heinrich. Not really surprising, since he was just some random member of the Nazi party and SS who had died before the war had broken out.
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Post by msmir on Sept 1, 2010 8:46:31 GMT -5
Andi you see we have another member here who was a former victim who is also emetophobic... it's common! I have actually discussed that a lot in my upcoming book and did an astrological case study on a former victim who is also emetophobic. I am sorry your daughter is dealing with it too and I am happy to hear you do what you can to make sure she is not around you when you are sick... but that must be so horrible for you too. And it's okay.. I don't mind reading about it anymore like I once did (I guess I have healed a little because at one time I could not even read about it) but I can't hear it or look at it or be around anyone sick!! That is so interesting how you were assigned to do work even after you had exited. People think that once you "die" you go to a place of "rest" but I have told people that is not necessarily true as there is often times work to accomplish in the astral too. I guess you chose this job to help balance some karma? I know that many spirits did come to these traumatic areas to help keep victims as strong as possible.. obviously they could not prevent deaths from happening but when you look at Holocaust survivors.. they were not just lucky to survive but must have kept strong because they "listened" to these guides telling them to keep hanging in there. I hope you are feeling better!!!
Mir
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Post by mccoyxyz on Sept 1, 2010 9:11:43 GMT -5
The dreams are a total curiosity and do not actually belong to me. About once a month from age six onward through childhood, I had a dream which recurred in exact detail. It's very dark, so dark I cannot even make out the color of the uniform I'm in, though I do know it's a uniform. I am in charge of a contingent of some 30, similarly clad, we're down by a riverbank, shooting people, simply letting the river carry them away. Paradox, but the bridge is very well lit, and I examine it's detail in curiosity, though nothing else is really visible. It's not til much later I was able to place this in time and space. That is, it was Budapest, November and December 1944. I found my exact bridge in a photo in a book. And of course it wasn't German nazis doing that, they never allowed evidence to float around so freely, pardon the pun, it was Hungarian Arrow Cross. Given that I died in 1942, in the ghetto in Tarnow, Poland, I am not really sure how this dream came to be: - perhaps a temporary dybbuk situation. - from what I have read, when you are born, you are very vulnerable to picking up some or all of the memories of anyone who might be dying near you. - or perhaps the memory belongs to someone I know from India days. A number of lifetimes in India, then Poland was my first experience being white, now I'm Canadian, second time white.
In any case, I know absolutely nothing else of this person other than the one night in the dream and what I've gleaned from reading, ie spotting the bridge and the disposal pattern. I don't overly concern myself, simply one more unexplainable thing, I've already got lots of that, one more doesn't matter.
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Post by Miss Bothmann on Sept 4, 2010 14:32:59 GMT -5
I have thought of that since reading your post that we very well may have bumped in to one another. I see that you were born some time before me..I wasn't born until 1924. However, my father was very big in the underground Nazi party in Vienna. I remember that we took many, many trips to Germany just because of the fact that the party was outlawed in Austria. So, it is very possible that I met you through my father. Oh yes, the Anschluss was beautiful! I remember having tears in my eyes just watching the procession. I felt such hope for the future at that point...and yes, of course I met my Hans. You say that your name was Heinrich Freisen? My horoscope today told me that I should "meditate on yesteryear." I will meditate and regress myself tonight to see if I can get anything or any kind of rememberance of Heinrich if we had ever met.
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Post by Laurasia on Sept 4, 2010 16:18:25 GMT -5
Hi Andi. Yes it is lucky that you missed participating in the war...not that I'm saying it's good that you were killed either, but you know what I mean. It was not what we had expected it to be at all. I'm going to assume that the clip of Mr. Szrebnik (I've never seen his name spelled with an "h" before ) was on YouTube, right? I really wish that my computer could view video so I could see it but, alas, that's not the case. At least you were able to immediately start working on your karma by staying behind to help the victims at Auschwitz. And it is wonderful that you were able to connect with your future daughter in that way. Do you know if your two souls have met in lifetimes previous to WWII? I'm also curious if you & MsMir ever happen to cross paths during her time at Auschwitz. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by msmir on Sept 5, 2010 2:14:39 GMT -5
Laurasia.. yeah it likely was on yutube as you can find anything on yutube now which I know you have no access to right now (but remember again the library)... but from what I was told, as I had asked the medium about that who did specialize in pets and animals but she said that Andi's spirit did actually come to me for very brief support but I have absolutely no recollection of that.. but when I did connect with her online, I felt like there was a bit of some kind of connection there Very interesting!
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Post by euskanoravian on Sept 7, 2010 17:43:29 GMT -5
Miss Bothmann, again I am anxiously waiting to hear if you had made any discoveries. The Anschluss was one of the few highlights of my last life. I must admit that. Laurasia, I am glad I opted out before the war too. Though, I get many memories of Auschwitz when I was in spirit. Those are horrible to deal with. I tend to dream about it more if I am dealing with awful side effects from my medication. Why can't you access YouTube? And to answer your question, yes, I saw the clip on YouTube. I just noticed that I had forgotten to answer your previous question whether or not I talk about my past life with my 11 year old. I have yet not told her who I was since I know she is not mature enough to deal with the fact that her mother was a Nazi in her last life. Nonetheless she always talks to me about any memories she has from Auschwitz. I am glad for that, because it clearly shows that she does trust me. I also know I did cross paths with MsMir in her last life, but I was not her guide. I guided several others who I have yet not met. In fact I believe some of them may not be in an incarnation.
Blessed Be, Andi
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Post by Laurasia on Sept 9, 2010 11:22:47 GMT -5
It's good to hear that the two of you were able to reconnect in this lifetime as well, then.....even if you don't actually recall your first connection in your previous incarnation Miriam. Oh I've never been able to access YouTube, Andi. My computer, & it's system, is over 12 years old - so there is quite a lot of things on-line that I cannot access. Chat rooms, instant messaging, audio, video, most anything with flash, etc. Some people are shocked that my computer even runs! Then again, sometimes it barely seems to run. LOL! It is wonderful that your daughter is comfortable sharing her recollections & experiences from that lifetime with you. It will make things so much easier for her to have someone help her to understand what is going on & to know that there is nothing wrong with her feeling the way that she does. If only we all had such open parents. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by euskanoravian on Sept 9, 2010 13:17:05 GMT -5
Laurasia, I see. Technology is always evolving quite fast. A 12-year-old computer is not going to handle the internet as it is today. I am afraid to tell my daughter about my life as Heinrich. What if she hates me after I tell her? Blessed Be, Andi
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