New Member - I was a child, died in camp, singer

[breslauerin]

Hi everyone, I'm so glad you are all there.
Warning! Content may be disturbing to some members!

My story is long, I will post the whole thing another time. Basically, I was a girl, prob. 5-7 years old. I once had a "spontaneous", or self-induced regression. That was about 2.5 years ago. I was told my life story of that life, by a narrator. It was all in German. Prior to this I'd learnt German and I had some problems with the grammar. Anyway, the dream was in German and it was a specific accent I'd never heard before. So the story was told by this person, who was my father in this other life. He said that I had been very gifted musically and I was very performatic (I was saw an image of the child playing piano). But the war came and we had to hide and I could no longer sing. One day, while we were hiding (in an attic?) I kep singing and that's how we were found by the Gestapo. They heard my voice and took us. I was in a train with my father. Then we arrived and were separated at selection. I recall what appears to have been the gas chamber. However I was killed by a blunt instrument to the back of my neck. I died then. I saw my body being thrown into the furnaces. I was dead by the time my body was in the furnaces.

Anyway, at the time of my regression I was lost. I had a job I really hated and couldn't leave somehow. I was also a visual artist and I was so so unhappy. I had just met again, after 8 years, this man I had loved when I was about 20 or something. I had always felt connected to him somehow even though our romance was brief. Guess what, I had the regression 10 days after this event, after dreaming about him night, after night. I was able to sort of "enter" the regression at the very end, and ask my "father", in German, two questions, first "wer is Victor?" (Victor is the man I loved in this life) he responded ("Victor bin ich", or I am Victor, meaning this man was my father, the narrator, in another life). The second question was, "was soll ich tun"? which means, what should I do?

He said, don't feel guilty anymore, our death wasn't your fault. Go back to your life, sing and draw pictures of the places we have lost.

This was 2.5 years ago. I had studied music as a child and teenager but left it behind when my family moved to America. I had always known it was my true "talent", but it was too deep or something. Anyway I decided to move back to my country of origin, and quit my job and came back (about 7 months after the regression). And I decided to start from scratch and I taught myself how to write music, and I wrote and recorded a small album (EP) of my own music, that I orchestrated and produced and wrote lyrics and sang. I put in on the internet and guess what, I was quite successful, I got lots of very respectable reviews and I am going to play at a music festival in England soon.

No one knows about my "dream", and even though I am a bit older than most musicians that start out (32), I feel that I am fulfilling a spiritual path, and I am correcting my "karma". Sometimes I feel I am "crazy" - I used to have a corporate job, and some stability, but now I feel I am 100% truthful to a greater power. I am living the life I was meant to have, after living the "guilt" I felt all these years, no knowing why.

[Storm]

oh wow, welcome!

Your story is amazing! And inspirational! and it proves that music, and especially singing can heal at such a fundamental level. I think it is the harmonics.

You are certainly not crazy. Although I understand feeling that way too because when we really start to heal and balance and to correct things it does seem to defy logic when it turns out well. Especially if we have taken big risks like quitting a job and relocating to start a new life.

I sing, it is one of the ways I heal myself. I cured my asthma with singing.

your music sounds amazing too. I love experimental electronic. I listen to a lot of German and also British ambient. That too has healed me, and I also identify with the sci fi and quantum/time travel, latent supernatural powers theme too.

I am very happy you found your way to this forum.

I am sure msmir, our Global Moderator will resonate with your story, for she too tragically died as a child in a gas chamber. I cannot express enough how sorry I am that you and others suffered so and had your lives so senselessly taken. I have a ddeep deep agony about the children who died. I have a deep agony about everyone, but especially the children. But to hear your story is remarkable, and truly a testimony to the healing power of music/vibration and singing and how the soul can express itself and heal via sound.

I wish you all the best of luck with your festival in England! I would love to hear your music, if you ever felt able to share details of it. I would definitely buy it if it can be downloaded? I would love to hear it.

Welcome again and thank you for posting your inspirational story. x

[breslauerin]

Thank you for your kind words, SS*3*. I prefer, at this point, to remain anonymous with the music stuff, maybe later on.

Yes, music is amazing in a way. I also believe that we are meant to recall our past lives to live and resolve what we had not been able to resolve, then. Lives were shattered through the war, on both sides.

The thing about being a child is that I was not able to comprehend the dimension of things, and I took everything from the perspective of a child, meaning you feel like whatever happens, you must have been responsible for it in some way. What is odd about the past life was how much it mirrored, in a different context, of course, my current life.

In my PL, the narrative was very linear and it was 1. playing music at home 2. Hiding, with the family. In hiding, it was explained to me, because I couldn't play music or sing anymore, I would make drawings of our old house/environment. Also, in hiding as well, my parents told me and a sibling, that we should NEVER speak German, "Deutsch unglück bringt" (meaning German (language) brings bad luck/unhapiness) in public. I got the impression that we escaped a German-speaking environment and went possibly to France. I also speak French with ease, and even though I learnt German, I always felt bad speaking it somehow. Yet when I have been in Germany I speak with children very very easily and fluently.

In this life, I moved from my country of origin and "lost my home", and it felt parallel to the PL experience. Just as in my PL, I went into art, and would do a lot of drawing/photography of architecture, which is what I was shown to have done while in hiding. When I left my "home", in my PL, I also left music, which happened in my current life.
I had to "return home" in order to take up music again.

Also, and this is disturbing, so please stop reading if you are sensitive.
In my PL recollection, the moment I sang, in hiding, was the moment we were found and sent away. At that very moment my father heard me sang he grabbed my neck and almost strangled me in an attempt to silence my voice and make sure we lived. They found us anyway.

The word used to communicate "guilt" to me in the PL recollection was "die Schuld" which, in German, means both guilt and debt. I have some student loans which is somewhat normal for America, and it was always a source of abnormal guilt and stress, and now I know why, because it was another clue in that I had been feeling "guilty" and found ways to replicate this feeling in my current life. It would stress me out so so much.

The last scene of my death, I see the man who "killed" me. I see that I was hit with an instrument to the bad of my head, possibly a shovel...(yet at a later regression I saw inside the gas chamber, it looked like large, dark gym showers, I was in there and had no clothes on).

He was wearing the uniform as one would see in the photos of the war, the stripes for jews. But he was also wearing a little striped hat I had never seen and I remember feeling that it was so weird, I thought that only Nazis killed jews. I did some research and found that indeed, it was often the jews who were responsible for putting the bodies in the furnaces. Guess what, this is so creepy. I looked into his eyes and...he is my current father in this life. He had a look of compassion in his eyes, as if to say, I am killing you now so you suffer less. Again - the person who killed me then is my father in this life. With whom I have a terrible relationship, as he was emotionally abusive and absent. Whenever I am in his company I would get sick, and I developed mild epilepsy as a child, it started when I was spending time with him. (my parents in this life are divorced). (PS: many years ago I went to a psychic, and I'd told him I was considering moving to Germany. He said, "no, not likely, but yes, you will feel at home there, you know, you were burned there...which, after the recollection, it turned out I died of something else, only my body was burned)

The last part - and this is the only unresolved part - the man who was my father in my past life, who narrated the story to me, said at the very end. " I survived the war and lived for about 2 years more. I died of a heartbreak, because I lost the three women I had.". That was it.
I kept getting the feeling - from the accent, that my father was bavarian. The words "breslau, breslau", kept coming up, so I searched it and found out where it was. I got the feeling that we somehow settled in Breslau because my father went to study architecture or work in architecture there. I did some research and found out that there was, indeed, a famous art school in Breslau at the time, where he could have possibly studied or worked. Anyway, my father was very musical and well...

Anyway, that's that!!! Long story! Thanks for reading.

[Storm]

Hello!

I totally understand wanting to remain anonymous. I really get that! I am the exact same.

I really lose it when I think of what the children went through back then. It haunts me so very much.

And you are so right about lives on both sides being torn apart by war. This is why I am so committed to peace activism. War serves no one except the arms companies.

I am so sorry about all the trauma in your past. In this life I suffered many bad things. I always felt deep down that it was karmic and for that reason I do not really mind any more about it. Time is thankfully a great healer. I hope you are healing too. Hugs.

Yes, it was not just Nazis who killed Jews. It was a terrible era. And it is also quite usual for those in our lives now to have had some connection to the past. So sorry about the relationship with your father. It is not surprising there were complicated dynamics between you and he after the events of those other lifetimes. Both of you probably unconsciously knew and it would have likely been a factor in your relationship.

So often we can make these connections between the past and the present and sometimes it makes it easier to live with certain things and other times it seems to make it harder.

It really is awesome that you have rediscovered your music and so much of your story. Thank you so much again for sharing. Wishing you much peace and healing and look forward to hearing more as you continue on this journey.

Blessings x

[Leutnantzursee]

Hi and welcome to SR Breslauerin :-) Your story is fascinating, thanks for sharing. I can only reiterate how damaged people from ALL sides are in this lifetime, we've had many discussions on here about shared health issues and phobias, whether we were camp victims or Nazis. As SS3 says, war serves no purpose except to line the pockets of already bloated rich autocrats. I lived through both the first and second world war in separate lives, so my soul is a pretty battered old thing! Actually your story has a spooky resonance with my own past life, not my last, but the world war one life, my PL sister then was also a musician, and her life was cut short when she died young. I discovered that sister in this life and she is now a 'he' and like you has made a commercial success as a musician - unfortunately I was never able to tell him the incredible spooky story of uncovering that life, even though we did meet in person. But I always knew that he had an absolute need to finish off things from that past life, so in many ways this must be true for you as well:-) I also love music very much in this life, though I can't play a thing! My own karmic need is to make it as a writer (and that stems from another past life before!) but so far everything I do seems rather doomed, but I guess we all have our own karma to work through.

I hope you find it helpful to your journey to talk to us, people here have been indispensable to me and I've made some wonderful friends. We're all on this rather frightening journey to healing and sometimes it helps to share your hopes and fears:-)

All the best
Liz

[msmir]

Hi Breslauerin, sorry for the late welcome. I have been incredibly swamped, readings, lots of business, wow... all so great But welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I was also a child that died in Auschwitz and I definitely can relate to the fears and feelings of guilt, unworthiness, etc. But you know, when you do know what your purpose is, and what your gifts are, it IS healing. It takes time but so does everything else. Happy healing to you and looking forward to getting to know you better!

[breslauerin]

Hi everyone and thank you for sharing your stories and comments. Before posting i read through all the threads and it's just amazing. The one consistent theme among all of us is *guilt*, I think. We all feel/felt enormous, inexplicable guilt, whether as victims, or as perpetrators, everyones' stories show that there is no such thing as a black-and-white situation. The war was force greater than each one of us was able to comprehend. We're here to heal and to address what we couldn't in our past life. I seek to understand why in the last, say, 6 years, I was so "heavy" and why instead of living an easier, lighter life, I made choices that made my life more difficult in the end...we have to forgive ourselves an others as well.

Just as an aside to our conversation, my mother (in this life) remarried, to a man whose family had roots in Germany and as Jews, fled to South America. HIs grandparents died in the camp. I saw a terrifying picture of his grandparents: it was a staged photo, from the early years of Theresienstadt, they were sitting at a table and the photo was sent to relatives, "we are fine, everything is good"..etc...they actually had to *pay* to go to Theresiestadt, because it was "sold" as a place where the wealthier jews could go to. It's so sickening.

Anyway, long story, the family had roots in the a large city in the north of Germany ( I won't say the name just to protect privacy), and my stepfather's uncle (whom I met before he passed, he had the numbers tattooed on his arm) went on to live his last years there. Somehow my stepfather's family was contacted to participate in this project about the jews that were thrown out of the civic society in 1935, and what happened. I went to the ceremony, and well, they read out the names. I think very few survived and the family bloodlines ended then. The good thing was that a lot of people who were there came up to my stepfather and said "i'm so sorry, my father was a nazi". It was a great moment of conciliation. Also there was a project by an artist of putting commemorative plaques as "stepping stones" on the city's cobble streets, so that when people walked, they would see the lives of people that died. I also went to that ceremony. There were even TV crews which was weird. We went to the jewish cemetery as my stepfather's uncle was buried there. It was beautiful, except the burial stones ended at the time of the war. Nowadays the jews have come from the middle-east, places like Iran. Eeerie.

Recently there was an exhibition and people came, whose families had lost members in the war. One, whose grandfather was gay. The other, the father faught against the nazis and died. And so forth.

The healing is taking place as we speak. That's why we were meant to recall this, I think.

[Laurasia]

Hello Breslauerin.

Welcome to the forum. I apologize for my delayed response, but I have been nursing a head/chest cold recently. thank you so much for sharing your story & exactly how you have been able to piece everything together now. You certainly seem to have been doing quite well on your own healing journey, which is wonderful to see. ;D

I have recently become curious about a possible past life connection from WWII between myself & a family member as well. And, since numerology has recently become a very helpful catalyst for me regarding all of this, I will be looking at their chart for possible connections.

Music is also an invaluable means of healing for myself as well. Though I have realized that my mission is not to help heal what has happened via music, but rather through writing & conversating.

Warning! May be disturbing to some members! As for the "snag" regarding your death recollection....perhaps the blow to the back of the head did not kill you immediately, but rather just knocked you unconscious for a time & your briefly regained consciousness (while in the gas chamber) before actually dying?

In any case...Again, welcome to the forum! I hope that you enjoy your time here. If you ever have any questions or concerns feel free to PM either myself or our Global Moderator, Msmir. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you so much for sharing your story, especially it being as painful as it was to tell it. I am sorry that your life then and your life now have been filled with so many bad memories and negative experiences. However, like it has already been said, we are here to all talk with each other (from both sides of the war) and heal from everything that happened to us. I am very happy to hear that you have found your medium through music, and that you are able to express yourself in such a way that you have been denied in the past. This will certainly be a catalyst of healing for you, and I hope that your dreams continue to be successful as well as therapeutic.

Much Blessings.