So happy I found this!

[Miss Bothmann]

I am glad that you have been able to progress with your recollections. Thank you for continuing to share with us and I am glad that we have been able to help you.

[rednight94]

No, thank you!
I really do appreciate all the help I've had from everyone here! Thanks!

Something that I did today was interesting. I've tried to remember my birth date in my last life and I came up with July 18, 1925. So, I went to a Natal Chart calculator today and entered that in along with Mordie's (That was my my last incarnation's name. Though, technically it was Mordechai, I remember being called Mordie) birth area. I had a bit of a surprise! A good deal of it described my personality to an extent, though parts that aren't particularly important in this life. I creeped myself out a bit! haha

Also, I have 6 water signs in this life, but no fire. In Mordie's chart he had four fire and four water. It was interesting to see how I've lost that part of myself. How I've been knocked down to a more emotional, reserved level because of what happened to me then...

The chart that came up for Mordie also corresponded to an extent with what mismir said about him. It was strange, needless to say.



Something peculiar happened to me last month that I have yet to share. For some reason, in my mind I was seeing myself as an old man lying in his bed dying. My family (the old man's rather) was standing around me, too. The thing is, it wasn't the future or the past. It was the present. I feel like that that would have been the date I would have died if I hadn't perished in Dachau in 1943. Now, you could just say that's all my fertile imagination, but I had the radio on a station that was playing classical music. The entire time this song is playing and I'm lying in my bed acting as if I'm dying (A bit strange, yes) and when it ended the announcer said, "And the song was called Into the Light by..."
Weird, huh? It made me feel that maybe I was on to something!

Okay, sorry for rambling! And thanks for listening!

[Miss Bothmann]

Oooh, that definitly would have creeped me out too to be sure. I do not know if there is something to it or not, but that made me shiver. I cannot imagine seeing Anna as an old woman when it never happened.

[empathicus]

Hello Rednight94 and welcome:) very good to meet you!

[rednight94]

Good to meet you too, empathicus!

[privatetucker]

Hello, and welcome!

I understand how you feel about the time of death/the emotions that come up around it. I died when I was sixteen in February, 1945 and ever since I've been sixteen in this life time, every November-February period it's like re-living my death emotionally.

[rednight94]

Thanks for the reply! I'm sorry you get those feelings, too.

[rednight94]

Something interesting just happened to me. A bit of a revelation that I'd like to share.

I haven't slept basically all night and around five o'clock this morning I told myself to get up and go to 'roll call.' This probably doesn't make sense to most, but I have a thing for reenacting certain events and habits for some reason.
So anyway, I got my stopwatch and started it and put into my pocket. I went outside in my bear feet and just stood there in the cold wet grass. I told myself I HAD to stay there until the sun rose and I couldn't go anywhere else. I couldn't sit down or anything like that either. I just stared at the stars and thought about a magnitude of different things.
There's an orange light in the distance from where I live, and in my mind I've often imagined it as a crematorium. I looked at that and told myself that I would be bringing bodies there later. I even pretended that a man behind me had fallen dead and I had to move his body out of line along with my friend who helped me.
I then went back into 'roll call' and thought how much I wanted the sun to rise because then, I told myself, 'we' wouldn't have to keep standing here. This lasted almost an hour (roughly fifty minutes) when I said to myself, 'You don't have to stand here. You aren't in roll call. You have a nice bed waiting for you inside and you're free. You don't have to do this anymore. You're free.'

I've finally realized it. It's like maybe I've finally snapped out of this trance, if only a little bit. This makes me very glad. Just thought I'd share.
And as always anyone's thoughts are appreciated.

[Laurasia]

Hi Rednight.

This probably doesn't make sense to most, but I have a thing for reenacting certain events and habits for some reason.

Do you mean to say that you've done this everyday, hon? I would hate to think that such tendencies have so literally stayed with since that lifetime.

In any case, I am very glad to hear that you've been able to break from the pattern & realize that you are indeed free now. No one can order you out of bed into the freezing cold & force you to stand there for hours. That time is over & done with, hon.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[rednight94]

Laurasia,

No, I don't do it everyday. In fact, that was really the first time I've ever done that exactly. I've just done different things similar to that. You know, reacting moments or events. That sort of thing.

And yes, I'm glad I've realized I'm free too!

CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO OTHERS:

Today wasn't a good day though. I cried on my way to school and when I got there I went into the bathroom in the boys locker room and cried some more. It was pretty hard to contain myself, honestly. Especially in a locker room that was around during the Holocaust. I couldn't help thinking of those who were told they were going to take showers, but were then killed. Thinking to myself that the spot I was crying on existed while that was actually happening made it even worse... I hear and see awful things in my mind. And then when I was walking out of the locker room I couldn't help but to think of people screaming behind me. It was just horrible.

I wanted to talk to somebody about it so badly and when I went to my counselor I told her something was bother me, but wouldn't tell her what. People just don't believe you, and you feel like you should have never even opened your mouth... We were discussing something else that is going on right now, so I just left it at that. It's always so funny though when you tell them that they wouldn't believe you and they say they've heard everything and nothing would surprise them.
Wanna bet?! haha
I want to tell people because it feels good to get it off my chest and talk about it. That's the only reason why I begin to bring it up, which really doesn't make much sense if I'm not going to actually say anything. Why leave them in suspense... oh well.


Instead of making a new post, I'm just going to include this here. I'll write it in first-person. It's easier that way.

Erik Nieder-Nacht

Before the camps I had one particular friendship with a boy that most would call very curious. Erik Nieder-Nacht. Erik and I had been friends for years --- long before Hitler came to power in 1933. Unlike most German and Jewish children, we didn't become separated when the segregation became more prominent; to a certain extent we remained friends until I was taken away in December of 1942. Our fathers despised our bond, I'm certain. Erik's father joined the party in 1934, and from that day on we were absolutely forbidden to see one another. We had hardly been allowed into each other's homes since January of 1933, but our mothers made certain we still saw each other. They didn't think it fair for 'adult business' should interfere with our lives. Herr Nieder-Nacht completely knocked that ideology dead, and soon every time Erik and I played together or talked it was done in spite of our parents' rules.

Erik joined the Hitler-Youth (he was proud and I was jealous) and told me everything they did and talked about --- never being particularly cautious of my feelings when the subject happened to turn to the Jews. With each day that passed we were pushed farther and farther apart, and by the time the Nuremberg Laws were passed in 1936 were put into establishment I thought I would never see him again. All the propaganda was filling his head, and we were increasingly nervous that we would be beaten up or hurt in some other way. It wasn't until after Kristallnacht that we spoke; he wanted to see if we had been harmed. He was genuinely worried about us, and assured me he had nothing to do with what happened. I knew better, but I kept quiet. We had both missed each other to at least a small degree, I believe, so I was quite glad we were on speaking terms once more --- no matter how much it seemed we were suppose to hate one another!

Erik and I talked about all sorts of things; including my mixture of disgust and jealously towards 'his' people, and his feelings of dislike and pity for 'mine.' Like I said, it was a curious friendship. My father really did hate it too, especially whenever a conversation would begin with me saying, 'Erik told me...' or, ' Erik said...' or Erik this, Erik that. I would often pick out parts of Nazi ideology I liked and ignore the parts that involved any hatred towards the Jews.
"Stop with that Nazi talk," my father would say, "how many times do I have to tell you not to talk to that boy? You should be ashamed of yourself."
And I was ashamed of myself. I saw all the horrible things they were doing to us, yet at the same time I was witness to to terrific marches and smiling, happy people shouting their pride. It isn't difficult for me, even after all that has happened to me, to clearly see where the attraction was. It was about being a part of something larger than yourself. All of a sudden, you were someone important...



Sorry for rambling. I don't know if everything is true or not, but I had to find out why I had such mixed feelings towards the Third Reich. This is it. I was honestly jealous! I was proud to be a Jew, but at the same time I wanted to be with them. It's horrible, I know. But I can't deny it. I can't lie to myself, can I? I'm almost glad I wasn't born into a non-Jewish, European family in that lifetime, because I can easily see that I would have gone right along with the Nazis and their beliefs. Perhaps I wouldn't have had any hatred towards the Jews or other minorities, but I would have ignored what was happening. I would have told myself everything was going to be okay. Fate is really interesting, isn't it?

[rednight94]

Oct 14, 2011 19:01:14 GMT -5 Storm said:

Red night, I am so sorry to hear how upset you have been. Sending hugs.

You would probably be surprised at how many Jewish kids would have had extremely mixed and difficult paradoxical feelings relating to Nazis and Nazi youth organisations. Do not beat yourself up about it. you were surrounded by people who were setting themselves up as superior and when it is as prevalent as it was in Germany at that time it is really completely understandable. It doesn't make you a bad person in any way. Heck, it's bad enough with trivial stuff like fashion at times for young people! Peer pressure is such a factor.

On a positive side you are now starting to deprogramme yourself. As Laurasia said, you do not have to be dragged out of a warm bed to stand in the freezing cold any more. Those days are gone. Just as I don't have to constantly do those annoying salutes all the time and keep up with the "Heil Hitler", thanks be to God! XD

Yes, it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of kids felt that way. But I'm sure a lot of them didn't, too. It doesn't really bother me though. I understand it.

[Laurasia]

Hi Red Night.

I am sorry to hear that these things have been causing you such grief lately, especially while you are trying to function in school. I can completely understand your frustrations over having no one to safely share your thoughts & feelings with regarding your past life. I'm sure that many of us here can. When I was growing up & initially being so affected by my own past lives there was no internet with which to connect with others of like mind. You are very fortunate to have it at your disposal nowadays. You may not have anyone in your off-line life with which to discuss such things, but that is what we on this forum are here for dear. You have no need to keep such things to yourself...which is how they do the most damage.

Thank you for sharing your recollections of your friend Erik with us. When I was Hans I do not believe that I ever had such connections with anyone "unworthy of the Reich" (no offense to anyone meant with that comment, but I couldn't really think of any other way to say it), since after the age of around 10 I was brought up in a state-run facility. I can certainly understand what a terrible dynamic the Reich must have caused between those who were previously friends before the Party politics truly kicked into high gear.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[gwida]

Oct 9, 2011 6:10:08 GMT -5 @rednight94 said:

This lasted almost an hour (roughly fifty minutes) when I said to myself, 'You don't have to stand here. You aren't in roll call. You have a nice bed waiting for you inside and you're free. You don't have to do this anymore. You're free.'

You go boy! I'm glad you're starting to break free of this -- no one deserves to go through any old patterns or habits. It only brings pain in bringing back the past into the present.

I dunno... if you ever get the urge to do that again and absolutely can't go back to sleep, would it help taking photos of the sunrise, just to see what light can come out of the dark? (I hope that made sense!) I don't know how much that would help, but when I take photos of landscapes/nature when I feel "disconnected" from this reality and look back through them later, they make me smile. Because I realise, I'm here in the now, not somewhere back in the 1940's.

... damn I've just given myself an idea for further photograph ideas!

[rednight94]

Oct 18, 2011 15:13:29 GMT -5 Laurasia said:

Hi Red Night.

I am sorry to hear that these things have been causing you such grief lately, especially while you are trying to function in school. I can completely understand your frustrations over having no one to safely share your thoughts & feelings with regarding your past life. I'm sure that many of us here can. When I was growing up & initially being so affected by my own past lives there was no internet with which to connect with others of like mind. You are very fortunate to have it at your disposal nowadays. You may not have anyone in your off-line life with which to discuss such things, but that is what we on this forum are here for dear. You have no need to keep such things to yourself...which is how they do the most damage.

Thank you for sharing your recollections of your friend Erik with us. When I was Hans I do not believe that I ever had such connections with anyone "unworthy of the Reich" (no offense to anyone meant with that comment, but I couldn't really think of any other way to say it), since after the age of around 10 I was brought up in a state-run facility. I can certainly understand what a terrible dynamic the Reich must have caused between those who were previously friends before the Party politics truly kicked into high gear.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

Laurasia,

Yes, I'm very happy for the internet, and especially this site and everyone on it.

I wonder what ever happened to Erik. A very strong chance he was killed in the war, I suppose. That is, if he even existed and it's not just my imagination!



Gwida,

That's a good idea about taking pictures of the sunrise if I ever feel like getting up like that, but I don't know how much help it would be to me. Thank you though!

[rednight94]

Today, I was again thinking about the 'other' life. The one where I described being married to a Nazi and I committed suicide after the war ended.
I have specific memories of this life. Perhaps many of you don't believe it, but I believe in there being such a thing as parallel lives; or two or more lives lived at the same time by one soul.
Anyway, the memory that I had today was of me listening to a clandestine record while Heinz (my husband) was home. I believe this was in 1943, but that's besides the point. Heinz heard the music and came rushing downstairs and threw the record at the wall like a madman.

I think this life bothers me so much because of how much I did ignore all the bad around me. How much I had convinced myself that life was perfect. I was living in a fantasy world that came crumbling down... leading to my demise.
And it still bothers me not knowing what exactly Heinz (my husband) did during the war...

I pushed this life aside when I fist started recalling it, but it swam to the surface this morning again.

...I'm so glad I have my own little private thread here. Nowhere else can I ramble and anticipate a possible reply!