Is anyone else angry...?

[eiszeit]

Hey, everyone!

I'm working on writing out some of my clearer memories of being in the camps, so that I can post them here. But this is proving to be difficult. Too many emotions coming out at once, too much doubt, too much of... well, everything. It's not as easy as I once suspected it would be. So, for now, I just have a question for the members of this board. I'm interested in what everyone will say.

Is anyone else angry about having been brought back?

I know, I can't do anything about it now. I'm here and that's that. But I have no idea why I'm here, for what purpose, etc. All I know is that, up until the camp, I was very happy with my life. I had a decent job, I had a good family (I still do, don't worry), I had someone I loved and who loved me in return... I was very happy with who I was and where I was in life. But the camp, that's where I start getting angry. I'm angry that I just sat there and took whatever happened to me (I know that I couldn't have done anything to revolt or anything, so I don't know why I'm so angry at this). I'm angry that I was brutalized and murdered, I'm angry I didn't survive, let's just say I'm angry about the whole thing.

I had a life before this one, too, and I think that's where I got most of my anger out. I don't like talking about Gregg very much. :\

But, of course, there's still some anger left over. Right now, I'm mostly angry that I have to live with all this stuff -- the anxiety, the OCD, the severe emetophobia/contamination fears, everything like that. I know how immature I sound right now, going "it's not fair!" and all, but... honestly, I feel like I shouldn't have been brought back. I know this is likely to change; I'm going through a difficult time with this at the moment, and I'll probably look back at this post and roll my eyes over what a drama queen I was.

But for now, I'm wondering. Is there anyone else who feels the same way, or is it just me? If so, how do/did you deal with it?

Danke schoen,
Eiszeit

[kapitanprien]

Hey, everyone!

Hello

I'm working on writing out some of my clearer memories of being in the camps, so that I can post them here. But this is proving to be difficult. Too many emotions coming out at once, too much doubt, too much of... well, everything. It's not as easy as I once suspected it would be. So, for now, I just have a question for the members of this board. I'm interested in what everyone will say.

Is anyone else angry about having been brought back?

From what I understand - you are saying you got so much going on that you don't know where to start right?

To answer your question, even though I didn't reincarnate by birth, I am not angry.

I am happy in a sense, despite my 'difficulties', because I love life.

I know, I can't do anything about it now. I'm here and that's that. But I have no idea why I'm here, for what purpose, etc.

That's ok - quite frankly, I don't know exactly why I'm here either, but I have a 'funny feeling'. I just won't let myself get too 'caught up' in this 'funny feeling' of mine...I'll play the, 'I'll believe it when I see it card.' ;D (I'm notorious for doing that...)

All I know is that, up until the camp, I was very happy with my life. I had a decent job, I had a good family (I still do, don't worry), I had someone I loved and who loved me in return... I was very happy with who I was and where I was in life. But the camp, that's where I start getting angry. I'm angry that I just sat there and took whatever happened to me (I know that I couldn't have done anything to revolt or anything, so I don't know why I'm so angry at this). I'm angry that I was brutalized and murdered, I'm angry I didn't survive, let's just say I'm angry about the whole thing.


Ok - since I wasn't involved in any of this, I'll just take a shot in the dark here with what you're saying. Do you think that back then you were just too 'traumatized' (shock) from all that happened to even think of fighting back?

I had a life before this one, too, and I think that's where I got most of my anger out. I don't like talking about Gregg very much. :\

But, of course, there's still some anger left over. Right now, I'm mostly angry that I have to live with all this stuff -- the anxiety, the OCD, the severe emetophobia/contamination fears, everything like that. I know how immature I sound right now, going "it's not fair!" and all, but... honestly, I feel like I shouldn't have been brought back. I know this is likely to change; I'm going through a difficult time with this at the moment, and I'll probably look back at this post and roll my eyes over what a drama queen I was.

*laughs* well we all have to have our gripe moments - but, yes you have a situation, the thing is - what do you plan to do about it?

But for now, I'm wondering. Is there anyone else who feels the same way, or is it just me? If so, how do/did you deal with it?

Danke schoen,
Eiszeit

Well - since I'm not feeling that way I can't say anything about dealing with it.

You're Welcome

Prien

[mccoyxyz]

Not angry eiszeit, just beyond weary, feel like I've been on the planet for centuries by now.

[Iseke]

All of the above!

Actually, I really didn't want to come back this time around, but I needed the chance to really heal before being truly ready to be done. I am very weary as well!

I think you're a bit rare around here in the sense that for most of us here this is our first life after WW2. It'll take many of us several lifetimes to heal from this and the issues Gregg faced allowed you to now be facing these other issues. But ugh, not fun. At this point, I'm still struggling.

Best of luck to us all!

[eiszeit]

@mccoyxyz: Oh God, same here. I really hope this is my last run here; I just want to be left alone.

@kapitanprien: I'd say that's the main issue I'm having with writing out the memories. Too much at once that I have to push through. That, and I just generally never know when and how to start a story, especially if I'm just writing fiction. XD

It's good to hear you aren't angry, though. The anger has so far proven itself more destructive than anything else. I'm looking into turning it into something more productive, preferably kendo or fencing or kickboxing or something. But so far, it's just festering, and I don't wish that on anyone.

As for the trauma, that's very likely. There was no 'adjustment period' - one moment I'm sitting at my desk ready to start the day at work, the next I'm crammed into a cattle car. He was confused, understandably so. He didn't know what was going on or why it was going on. And besides, even if he'd thought of it, it wasn't much of an option either way.

As for the situation, I'm not too sure what to do. I'll probably end up doing some meditation, getting some help, things such as that. For now, though, I'll write it out and hope that it'll help in some way.

Iseke: I'm unsure if I even got a choice, or whether it was a "oh, you're GOING to be brought back" sort of situation... I feel like it was just decided, and that was that. :\

Yeahh, Gregg wasn't fun. I can sort of see why he was here, though. He got out a lot of my anger, probably most of it. The rest of it is more internalized, and now I have to work it out.

And yep, I'm still struggling at the moment. It wasn't as bad as it was last week, but it's still there. And yes, I definitely wish the best of luck to anyone and everyone dealing with this.

[Storm]

The eternal optimist in me feels that we are back because of the planetary shift. Maybe we need to be incarnated in order to ascend? That could all be nonsense, admittedly, but I like to think that there is a chance our species can become more than what we presently are.

I am furious that I bought in so totally to a twsited ideal which corrupted the truth of what needed to be done to bring in a decent new era. But I am hugely grateful for another chance and I too love life with a passion. I am also hugely glad to be here now because I actually do think that we will get a chance to become something more than we are now over the coming years. I don't know, maybe it;s the belief that will make it happen. I firmly believe we create our own realities to a degree, and that we can create better ones with the right intent and with focus.

After having suffered what you suffered in the camps it is hardly surprising that you feel so angry, I know I would. I am so sorry to have been part of causing such misery.

I have my own issues with the spiritual heirachy over all this pain for growth stuff. Sure, a certain amount of hardship is needed to make us excel and grow, but not to that degree! When pain and loss becomes so extreme that it leaves such a mark on the consciousness then you have to start asking if those who purport to be in charge in other realms know what the heck they are doing! Somehow I think there is just as much muddle out there as there is here! Oh well, just like any system I guess there's possibly room for improvement. Maybe the time has indeed come for us to take control of our own destiny.

Do you think it is true that we all agree to come and experience what we do? I really don't know on that one.

x

[mccoyxyz]

Hello eiszeit, looking back on my answer about being weary, I realize it could lead to a bit of misunderstanding. A logical person would reply, hey guy's old, no wonder he's tired of it all, bet he was angry when he was young.
Well, actually not. By the time I was in Grade 5, I was both sick to death of the planet and also had an absolute knowingness that I was one of those people destined to hang around forever and then some. And clearly, seeing the level of medical immunity I seem to have, there's at least some truth in that.
I remember two neighbor families as actually being ok, a kid can really always tell when it's genuine and when it's phony. Other than those, I wasn't impressed at all.
When it came to relatives, only two great aunts got a passing grade, everyone else failed. I often wondered about that, how did such nice people end up in such a crowd? Oh well, there's an Arabic saying to the extent you choose your friends and Allah chooses your relatives. And once one can blame anything on Allah, it becomes a whole lot easier to live with, who would want to blame themselves for choosing relatives, even if it were true?
Even my so called friends, I'm sick to death of and then some. It's my Dharma to be something of an east/west bridge, a liaison officer of sorts, and that is tiresome. It would be nice if some of those people would ever learn anything or make any improvements or whatever, but pretty much all are caught up in circles.
It would be a real stretch to call me a misanthrope, because I'm not, I don't hate people as a whole, I'm just so deathly tired of them.
Last lifetime here? Sure hope so.
Best wishes.

[kapitanprien]

@kapitanprien: I'd say that's the main issue I'm having with writing out the memories. Too much at once that I have to push through. That, and I just generally never know when and how to start a story, especially if I'm just writing fiction. XD

That's understandable though. I have felt like that myself with my situation wondering where do I really begin with it. I've wondered that because unlike reincarnation by birth, I have no 'basis' on which to follow things...no 'standard'. For example when one is reincarnated by birth - they have that 'linear time flow' upon which they can use as a sort of 'guide' and put their 'past' in the actual 'past'...but I cannot do that.

It's good to hear you aren't angry, though. The anger has so far proven itself more destructive than anything else. I'm looking into turning it into something more productive, preferably kendo or fencing or kickboxing or something. But so far, it's just festering, and I don't wish that on anyone.


Well - no I am not angry, but let me tell you - the body I came into had 'white hot rage' - the kind of rage where you just 'black out' from being so angry. Rather than demonize the anger, I figured I'd put the energy to good constructive use by channeling it for use in healing the body, so I understand what you mean by putting it into something more productive.

As for the trauma, that's very likely. There was no 'adjustment period' - one moment I'm sitting at my desk ready to start the day at work, the next I'm crammed into a cattle car. He was confused, understandably so. He didn't know what was going on or why it was going on. And besides, even if he'd thought of it, it wasn't much of an option either way.


True - and therefore no need to punish yourself for going through something that was entirely natural and human to begin with (that being the state/feeling of shock and disorientation due to the trauma).

As for the situation, I'm not too sure what to do. I'll probably end up doing some meditation, getting some help, things such as that. For now, though, I'll write it out and hope that it'll help in some way.

That's cool. I agree with writing it out - just for a start. Just let it flow and see where things go for you.

[Miss Bothmann]

I have lived many times before this life, so I agree with the weariness at times that mccoy describes. However, since I am what is considered an "old soul", I have accumulated knowledge from all of these past lives as my soul has gone on its journey. I am not angry to have been reincarnated...partly I think is because I was reincarnated at the same time that my soul mate was, so the journey has been easier. I believe that I am here to work on the karma balance that has been accumulated through all my other past lives. I believe this is why I am able to recall so many of them..and only certain memories from each. It is true that the soul will only let you see what you are ready to see.

I am happy that I am alive. Content that I have been able to recognize my past shortcomings and trying to work on them in this life.

[msmir]

Angry? Not sure if I am angry for being back but exhausted, yes. Beyond exhausted. I feel like too in this life I have gotten the short end as well in this life (nothing compared to the last).. and also suffer from anxiety, low self esteem, depression, emetophobia, etc.. you name it. But the thing is on a soul level we agreed to come back to learn.. even though our egos hate it. Life here is NOT supposed to be easy. And the harder the life on earth, the more you have agreed to learn but there is only so much you can handle in an incarnation as well. Only older souls had come back so fast and had also agreed to life more difficult lives because they can handle it. It sucks.. but that is how it is in a spiritual sense. The good news is, the more you get out of the way, the less incarnations you will have to go through. That is how I am trying to look at it. But I am down in the dumps these days.. so this is something I need to remember myself. And here is something that may sound alarming to those who don't get it and would immediately interpret it as a suicidal threat but the biggest thing in life I am really, really looking forward to is.. my return home. I am so bogged down with having to deal with these overwhelming energies as well as family responsibilities (unwell parents, autistic child.. yeah, well I did in the end choose this lol) and releasing a book which I am in a way regretting so much... I am having a very hard time enjoying life.. maybe if I was not so bogged down I would be one of those to maybe be excited about life.. not that I am saying I want to die (not now anyway), because on a soul level right now I still have so much to learn but I am very tired, I am not overly enthusiastic about life... I am just one of those who is marking off my checklist in this life lol.. and after each accomplishment means one step closer to home.

[mccoyxyz]

I hear you msmir, it's not like I'd be thinking of suicide, but here's how some of my thoughts go.
On filing my taxes a couple weeks ago. Good grief, look how much those morons charge and look how little service they provide. Why, I remember them charging a lot less and delivering a lot more. Oh well, maybe I won't have to do that next year, the administrator of the estate can handle it.
On visiting the dentist last week, good grief, that's about 8 times what they charged when I was a young guy, and the only plus, it's not that grumpy old obnoxious long since gone to his reward reprobate. Oh well, maybe that will be the last time I have to do that, keep a cheerful thought.
Same with buying shoes . . .
So, while I realize you aren't allowed to speed it along, it's not like I have any interest in prolonging life. I have seen what it looks like for a lot of older people, my father was one of those who spent 14 years dying. And while he was not exactly the best of human beings, no one really deserves that.
But then, maybe I have that wrong, my ex-wife was raised Arya Samaj, an offshoot reform movement of Hinduism which started about 1875. They believe there is no heaven or hell or reincarnation, but before you die, you have to pay for all your sins first. Which could partially explain the father's demise, in poetic terms as opposed to literal.
And in various chats with her on the topic, it's amazing how many people we know, that that applies. Not like she's Arya Samaj anymore, but still it does make interesting conversations.
And now for the real chuckle, a million guys must have said, my wife doesn't understand me. I'd say the reverse, she's the only one who does, the only one I can really talk with completely, without having to always hold back out of political correctness. And yes, she has the same overall, when on earth do we get out of this place thought pattern, the same fervent desire to never return.
Now I realize I have had it easier than her in one sense, this life represents a "promotion" for me. Yes, I was one of the prosperous Westjuden, but I was also stuck living at home, working in Daddy's business and never did become an independent adult. And while my career is less than wonderful, it does provide a lot of scope for independent action and even some fun. With her, it's all downhill, after having been one of those snooty British officers last time . . .
Best wishes.

[kapitanprien]

MsMir: Angry? Not sure if I am angry for being back but exhausted, yes. Beyond exhausted. I feel like too in this life I have gotten the short end as well in this life (nothing compared to the last).. and also suffer from anxiety, low self esteem, depression, emetophobia, etc.. you name it. But the thing is on a soul level we agreed to come back to learn.. even though our egos hate it. Life here is NOT supposed to be easy. And the harder the life on earth, the more you have agreed to learn but there is only so much you can handle in an incarnation as well.

Who says life HAS to be hard? Granted things weren't 'easy peasy' when I was in the Handelsmarine serving on some very old Cape Horners (by 'very old' I mean the ones without 'wheel houses' to protect the helmsmen). Yeah it made it more difficult but hey I enjoyed serving as helmsman anyway! The same can be said of when I served in the U-Boats - higher risk of dying, not being able to bathe, cramped quarters, etc. but I loved my command...something I never got to have while in the Handelsmarine.

This quote from the South African Shadow Self article says it all: "We have a choice as to how we process the stuff in our lives, not whether we process it. We can grow through struggle and pain or through joy and adventure."

I don't believe in any of the 'harder it is the more one agreed to learn' either. To me this is a part of the 'deserved suffering' 'theme' - bound in with all the guilt nonsense and such. I find it a very masochistic 'view point' to believe in.

Only older souls had come back so fast and had also agreed to life more difficult lives because they can handle it.

Oh really? That strikes me as some sort of 'privilege'. Who is to say that other souls (I don't buy into the 'old soul' is 'more special' and 'young souls' are 'immature' nonsense either - to me a soul is a soul...as far as age, I could care less.) can't do the same?

It sucks.. but that is how it is in a spiritual sense. The good news is, the more you get out of the way, the less incarnations you will have to go through.

I agree totally on this. This is why I reach out to help others heal subconsciously, because once they do it - they don't have to deal with coming back again to deal with it - it's done.

That is how I am trying to look at it. But I am down in the dumps these days.. so this is something I need to remember myself. And here is something that may sound alarming to those who don't get it and would immediately interpret it as a suicidal threat but the biggest thing in life I am really, really looking forward to is.. my return home.

I have read about this sort of feeling from others, and I know there are essences that can help with that feeling - although because it isn't one I experience - I can't list any off-hand ...I'd have to look around.

I am so bogged down with having to deal with these overwhelming energies as well as family responsibilities (unwell parents, autistic child.. yeah, well I did in the end choose this lol)

I think there is a limit to what one actually 'chooses'. I read in one of my favorite sites about this sort of thing:

in2worlds.net/new-age-love-and-light-fallacies

9. Everything was planned ahead of time before we incarnated here and is completely micromanaged by our Higher Selves

Because negativity can be a bit scary, many will try to re-frame negative life events as all being completely arranged ahead of time by the Higher Self, as this gives back control to the target/victim. To the point where it seems that our Higher Selves are micromanaging every last little detail that goes on with us. Now, I’m all for taking responsibility for one’s self and don’t care for the victim mindset. I’ve found that it’s best to admit when you’re wrong, when you’ve screwed up, and to take responsibility for what you say and do and the choices you make. But, does this mean that every last little thing that happens to us is what was “supposed” to be and totally pre-planned ahead of time??

In my opinion, no. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Some things were planned, many things probably weren’t. If you’re going to believe that there is some incarnational plan going on, then I think at best, the plan is relatively loose for most people, and most things are not set in stone. “No-no” mistakes can happen that weren’t necessarily on the game plan, things are always open for change, and stuff IS always changing. There is flexibility. And as much as I don’t agree with the victim mindset (in the sense of those who use it as a crutch in life for why they won’t achieve their fullest potential, wallowing and feeling sorry for themselves) I will say that I also believe that because this realm is a free will free-for-all zone it means that there are many different souls/beings here incarnating from all over, and each with their own agenda…….both positive and negative. And what this means is that freewill violations can happen that one’s Higher Self didn’t micromanage ahead of time, merely because that’s the nature of what this realm is. We have freewill to do what we want to do….but so don’t other beings as well, which may involve doing things to us. Or at least trying to, anyway. And that’s the risk we take when incarnating here. Several years ago I temporarily fell out of favor with an internet friend for stating this mindset in an email. This idea rubbed her so wrongly to such an extent that she dropped me like a hot potato. Her life has had some victimization in it you could say, and she was very new agey, coupled with a huge ego, and I think she wasn’t at a point where she was willing to hear or accept that no, not everything negative that’s gone on in your life was micromanaged and pre-planned. (or as she put it, “I just made you up [the abusers] to hurt myself,” implying a feel-good, I’m-still-the-one-in-control, dreamy perspective). Some of it may have just…….happened. Negative stuff could have been taking advantage, merely because it could. And that’s the risk we all take when coming here. (Which in itself actually puts the responsibility back on the soul who incarnated here, for those who are fans of the “micromanaged” theory.) So yes, I was dropped. She came back a year or so later, but said straight off the bat that she didn’t want to argue or discuss this concept with me, so let’s just move forward. The way I look at it is, if I truly was wrong, and if she was secure in her knowledge about how things are, then she wouldn’t have had any reason to completely drop me. Especially considering that her normal personality was to be “the teacher,” explaining her beliefs about how things work. So if I was truly wrong, then the self-professed new age teacher should have explained to the silly child why and how she was wrong. Instead, she turned tail and ran and never wanted to discuss the subject again. But it kind of makes sense, since I’ve seen firsthand how the subject of negative entities/aliens and the darker side of life in this realm really scares a lot of new agers.

So I think that saying that our Higher Selves pre-planned out everything that’s gone on in our lives, including the extreme negative, is giving our Higher Selves a little too much credit. It’s too far to one end of the spectrum. I have proof in my own life of “no-no” mistake events that apparently weren’t my Higher Self’s idea of a good time and something it didn’t want to happen, and so it either flat out undid them, or tried to intervene in some way to get me to change the outcome of events, which is how I can personally know this to be true. (I talk about some of these incidents in my free e-book, “Miscellaneous Stories of the Weird and Unusual.”) One involved a car crash at the end of 1996 that totaled my car and sent my life in a completely different direction, and which didn’t have to happen, if I’d only listened to the attempt at point blank intervention. And there have been many other various incidents and near-accidents also covered in that e-book, won’t get into it all here.

The opposite end of the spectrum to all of this is the mainstream world, who often times are just stumbling blindly along letting life toss them about on the waves of random chance. Like driving a car no handed on a winding road. Both extremes are out of balance. The truth of how things work in this reality is probably more in the middle. (The reader will probably get sick of me saying this so much throughout this write up but so often what we’re presented in life are only two extreme opposite choices.)


and releasing a book which I am in a way regretting so much... I am having a very hard time enjoying life.. maybe if I was not so bogged down I would be one of those to maybe be excited about life.. not that I am saying I want to die (not now anyway), because on a soul level right now I still have so much to learn but I am very tired, I am not overly enthusiastic about life... I am just one of those who is marking off my checklist in this life lol.. and after each accomplishment means one step closer to home.

I think you need to cut yourself some slack and try to simplify you life more - I feel you're too hard on yourself with this 'having to learn' stuff, etc. That's just my feeling though.

[Laurasia]

Hi Eiszeit.

Oh anger is a HUGE issue for me (though not as much as it was when I was younger thankfully). Though I was on the other side of the Holocaust in my past life, I was also kept from my life & family - so I can relate to your anger over such things. I never got mine back from the war either.

And yes life can be very less-than-ideal but, as they say "such is life". It's not all meant to be easy-going & fun or else we wouldn't be able to properly appreciate the good. You are going through a hugely difficult transition at this point in your life & it is all coming at you in a tidal wave. I've had many times like that in my life, as have most of us. Admittedly it is not very comforting advice at the moment, but just know that it does pass. Just like I have to remember when having a panic attack.....I have had many before & I have survived them all, they always pass. All of this will settle down in it's own time. I do agree that writing it all down will help you to gain a sense of control over it - which will definitely help. Just doing that allows you to look at everything that you are experiencing more objectively & see how it is all related. Just give yourself time expereince & adjust what you need to & make time to take care of yourself when going through such times. And Iseke is right...you are lucky to have had Gregg's lifetime through which to expend some of that extreme initial anger. That "white hot rage" that Prien describes is what I dealt often with when I was younger. Just keep communicating what you are going through with others so that a sense of isolation does not compound any of what you are experiencing dear.

Miriam, I have to say that your post alarmed me sweety. I had to see you so down. I have to agree with Prien about your needing to simplify. You have been insanely busy & adding even more projects for quite some time now. I think that you need to take a step back & breathe honey. Why on earth are you regretting your book? It will serve as a very healing tool for others. Please, please hon...slow down, take a deep breath & remember to take care of yourself & not just everyone else. We may be here to learn, but we are also here to live. ~hugs~

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Miss Bothmann]

I agree with Laurasia miriam. Your book is going to be very beneficial to others, so please do not ever regret it. I feel that you are burned out and that you need to take a step back. Try to focus solely on family for awhile and shelve some of these large projects. You can still come back to them once you have had time to rest and take care of yourself. *hugs*

[kapitanprien]

MsMir - I don't want you to take this the wrong way, as I am notorious for being a very frank person (and people hate me because of it...well not everyone, but you get the idea...).

I noticed you have a whole lot of active sites going on and when I noticed this, you started to remind me of me when I was 'scattered to the four winds'...heck even now I've been making a bit of a mess about this place (though not intentionally ).

I noticed that the more my energy became grounded and focused the less 'scattered' I was physically, and I'm wondering if that's what happening to you.

I think you need to prioritize your sites - maybe just have two (one that focuses specifically on the Holocaust and then another for your other specialties)...and this would make your life easier at least in that respect.

Remember the KISS method - Keep It Simple Stupid

I think doing this would save you tons of energy and 'grief'.