Sense of Identity

[mccoyxyz]

From what I have read of self esteem and belonging, it does not originate from inside yourself. You receive feedback from the outside world, react to it. If you get acceptance, you will feel belonging; if rejection, you reject them in turn.
There is evidence showing myself as being an outcast within the Jewish community before all that happened. This of course is congruent with my sense of being not at all Jewish.
Similar to now, I am a white Canadian, feel myself neither.
My overall karmic self-concept is (East) Indian, following a number of lifetimes in India. Two disastrous tours of duty as a white (I hesitate to even call either a "life").
Any friends this time are Indo-Canadians.
The issue of dying in what is essentially a dispute between two groups of whites seems almost meaningless to me, as I have no real stake in it. Wrong place at the wrong time. Live enough lives, some will end unpleasantly.
This issue of being inside a white skin twice and experiencing near total rejection, that occupies more of my thought.

[Laurasia]

I can certainly understand your feelings about being "white" since the vast majority of your lifetimes have been spent as an Indian, & your "white lifetimes" haven't been the greatest either. But you may be given these "white lifetimes" repeatedly in order to gain some perspective & balance regarding not being Indian. Perhaps your deep connection & apparent exclusivity regarding all thigns Indian is re-enforcing karma that makes it necessary for you to experience life as a "white person"?

I don't know much about your personal life & social circle at all, McCoy...but perhaps if you stepped out of your "Indian comfort zone" a bit more some of that karma could be straightened out.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[mccoyxyz]

Your comment is definitely worthy of a reply and an explanation of where I stand.
First, it was not really my choice to depart from India, it happened by circumstance. The last lifetime there ended by snakebite and I simply could not face the thought of that again for a while. Time to go wandering in cold places.
Second, I happen to be Buddhist, not Hindu. The people I know are largely filtered through Guyana, Hindus yes, but somewhat different. In the years they were there, starting in 1848, they were somewhat isolated from mainstream India. As well, the bulk of those who relocated in those days were from lower castes. Consequently, they have a Hinduism which simply ignores caste, of which I heartily approve. They are in effect an east/west mix and so am I.
Third, I am very given to western thought, especially in the psy field, have read a lot; am at the point where I'm about half eastern and half western in my philosophy.
Fourth, I very heartily approve of North American life in the sense of individuality, of social mobility, of not being hidebound by the class system like much of Europe.
I view myself as a work in transition.
Best wishes.

[Laurasia]

Thank you for the explanation McCoy. You sound quite like myself actually, though I lean more towards Hinduism (definitely minus the caste system as well ) than I do towards Buddhism. I consider myself a "Hindu Pagan" as I mix Hinduism with other western spiritual paths. (Miss Bothmann is the same way I am in regards to mixing her spirituality, except that she leans more towards Buddhism like yourself.)

After reading what you last posted, I now have to say that working out your wonderful mixing of east & west is more likely the reason for you to be experiencing repeated "white lifetimes". I wish you luck in continuing your "work in progress", hon.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[mccoyxyz]

As something of an update to this topic, two friends (Guyana and Uganda) have announced plans to go back when retiring early. This has me a little shell shocked, wondering who is next.
The Guyanese suggested I think of going too; the money would go further and "one of us, not one of them".
The thought was tempting, but not a chance.
I happen to have a metabolism more in keeping with an Eskimo, not a white person, almost unlimited capability in cold, very little tolerance to heat. As long as I remain in Canada, I experience pristine good health; any tropical adventures have led to illness.
(Now, don't you suspect there's something karmic in that? The powers that be essentially confined me to Canada, for the precise reason they believed I would leave.)
As well, all that represents the past; you can't go back, only forward.

[Laurasia]

LOL! I couldn't help but laugh at your "cold climate only" predicament. (I prefer it to be cooler myself as well. "It's easier to warm up than it is to cool off", "You can only strip down to being naked, you can always add a layer of clothing", etc. )

Sincerely,
Laurasia