Post by Sunstar on Dec 16, 2012 16:37:42 GMT -5
In January this year - so it is almost one year ago now - I had a strange dream and I think that it was a past life memory. But I'm not sure about it and I don't have any confirmation. This dream was very clear and so disturbing to me because I've never dreamed something like that before. Normally I dream of myself as the person I am (or some version of it). But here I was like in a different role. I knew that I was someone else, that I looked different, that I was a man and not a woman, though my way of thinking and feeling was almost the same. I still remember that dream very well, so I will describe it here in detail.
WARNING! This might be disturbing!
I was marching uphill on a road that was covered with deep snow. It was dark, it was winter, it was ice-cold and the road led through a forest. At least there were trees on both sides of it, and it was too dark to see anything else. There were no lights, but a lot of snow everywhere and the hill I was climbing up was quite steep. It was exhausting for me to walk on that forest track, uphill through the deep snow. I was wearing heavy boots and a thick coat that was heavy on my shoulders. I knew that I was a man, a quite young one, and a kind of soldier. I was panting, steam came out of my mouth and I was sweating under my coat despite the bitter cold. I knew I was already marching for a long time and I thought: "Oh, my God, I did no expect that there would be such steep mountains in this area here."
I was really astonished about that fact and maybe I even said it aloud because I was not alone. Right before me there was another man marching through the snow. He was wearing the same coat as I did, that grey one with the black belt around the waist, the black boots and a cap. I knew that he was my superior. He was marching rather quickly and I had difficulty with keeping up with him. He was the leader, I followed him, and behind us there were many other people following. They were dressed in some rags, freezing and moaning. I was already exhausted myself, and when I looked behind my shoulder, I wondered how on earth could the people behind us manage to walk through that snow and climb up that hill, if it was even hard for me to do. I did not know how they could stand this march and cold for such a long time. It was already night and it was high time to eventually reach a shelter. I thought that maybe we had taken the wrong path and lost our way. I feared that we all would die in the cold - or even worse, that we would be discovered by enemies, captured or killed!
After a while there was finally a building in sight on the right side of the road. It was something like a big villa or a farmhouse with a courtyard and a wall around it. It was surrounded by trees and forest. We stopped on the road. I was relieved that we had finally found the place where we would stay over night and warm ourselves. The many people who were following us were totally exhausted, some had fallen down to their knees, but others now looked happy and relieved, too. They awaited commands from the man who was my superior. I looked at the house again. It was for sure a bigger house, but it was not that big also. And suddenly it became clear to me that it was probably too small for all the people. There could not possibly be enough room inside for all of them!
And as if he had read my mind the commander said to me: "You see, the house is too small for everyone. And we need it already for ourselves to sleep."
I wondered what that would mean. Did it mean that the people had to sleep outside in the courtyard or in the forest? They would freeze to death!
"We can't take everyone of them into that house", said the commander. "They are too many. But they cannot stay here outside either. We have to get rid of some of them. Take your gun."
I did not understand at first. He took out his gun and I did also because it was a command.
"Shoot them", he ordered then.
He said it calmly, but I was shocked. I could not believe my ears. Now, that they had come this far, walked that long way in the cold and survived it, now these people should be killed? I did not move, because I was just unable to move. I stared at the exhausted people in front of me, who were cowering in the snow. I'm not quite sure here, but I think, that they were only women. They looked back at me in horror. One woman, standing right in the front, had dark, curled hair and a shawl or some cloth wrapped around her head. She clenched her naked, freezing hands together and stared at me with her big, frightened eyes. It was as if she wanted to say something to me, but she didn't.
"Now, what are you waiting for?", asked my superior. "Shoot them down!"
I did not obey. I just could not do that. I held my gun in my hand, but I could not lift my arm. I stared at the frightened people, especially at the women in front of me with her big eyes. Then all of my strength left me and I fell down to my knees. I knew it was over. I had realized that I could never obey that command, and it was unimportant what would happen to me now. I could not do that step.
"I cannot do that", I said quietly.
The commander was standing above me. "What’s the matter?", he asked. "Why can't you kill these people?"
I shook my head and replied: "I feel sorry for them."
Now that I had said this, I thought it would be my ending. I expected the commander to shoot me immediately, to hit me or to punish me in any other way for disobeying the order, or at least to yell at me. I guess, he was older and already taller than myself. And now I was kneeling beside him in the snow, on eye-level with the freezing people before me. I felt so small and helpless, almost like one of them, awaiting my execution. I knew that I would not be able to defend myself. I was so depressed, I had no strength to do anything. And I also did not care anymore. I was ready to die.
But to my surprise the commander did not react the way I had expected. He was not angry. Instead he started to laugh. I looked up at him, I did not understand why he was laughing.
"Oh, come on", he said. "That's childish! Don't make yourself ridiculous! Even my little girl could do that!" He laughed again.
I knew that he was talking about his little daughter. And then something very strange happened. I was confused and felt hurt because he was just laughing at me instead of punishing me. And a thought rushed through my mind in that moment: "Okay", I thought. "Then next time I will be your little girl!"
After that the dream ended. When I woke up in the middle of the night I was shocked. I was sure in that moment that this was a scene from a past life. I concluded immediately that the people dressed in rags were prisoners, and from the grey uniforms I concluded that I was a SS man, and not only a simple soldier, but some higher rank. So the people were prisoners from a concentration camp. That was obvious to me and it was terrible to know. Although I believe in reincarnation, I had never expected anything like that regarding my past lives.
Another thing that disturbed me very much, was the superior SS officer who had laughed at me. When I awoke, I still felt hurt by his reaction, and I don't even know why exactly. I felt like it would have been easier, if he got angry and hit me or shot me or anything. But his laughing was something so offending. It felt so cold and cruel, I almost started to cry about it. I also wondered, why he did not shoot the prisoners himself but ordered me to do it first. And then there was that weird thought I had, that the next time I would be his little girl. What did that mean? Did it mean that this SS man was my father from my present life??? I did not know and I'm not sure about it today. But I felt that in that moment when he had laughed at me, something happened to both of us, something that would connect us, and the thought that I had, was like a decision from my higher self.
I could not sleep for a long time after that dream. I even got up and walked up and down the room in the dark. Finally I managed to fall asleep again. But I was depressed and scared for the next days and weeks.
When I had this dream I did not exactly know why these prisoners had to march in a winter's night through a forest or where they were going. Later I learnt that this must have been one of the death marches that took place at the end of the war, when the camps in the East were evacuated. The prisoners were forced to march to other camps that were further away from the front and the approaching Red Army - but the plan was that most of them should die on the way during the marches, so they were killed or forced into the Baltic Sea and shot. The marches started in winter 1944/45.
I also had some minor dreams that I don't remember that well, but that I could connect to that possible SS past life. They seem to confirm the first memory.
In one dream I was in the kitchen of what appeared to be my home. It was a nice, white room with a large window out to the garden. The kitchen belonged to something like a big, old, wealthy house. I was quarrelling with my mother, or with both of my parents, but I don't know what the quarrel was all about. I just remember that I was angry and in the end I resigned and shouted: "Okay, it's alright, then finally I will go to the SS!"
In another dream I was standing in an office in front of a desk. A man in dark clothes (I don't know if it was a uniform or not) was sitting behind that desk. I had just finished a task that had been assigned to me (I don't remember what it was, maybe just some tiding up or something), and the man was very satisfied with me. He asked, if I already was a member of SS. I said, no. And he replied, that I should really join because I would fit well in there and they would need reliable and hard-working people like me. Though I was somewhat proud that I was able to do a good job for someone like him, I felt reluctant to follow his advice. I felt that I was very young in that scene, younger than in the other dreams I had.
Only some time ago, when I was in a half-sleep early in the morning, I dreamt something similar to the first dream:
I was again the SS officer, wearing again the same grey uniform. It was again winter and everything was covered with snow. There were prisoners standing in rows outside in the cold. It must have been still inside the camp, just in front of the gate. There was a big building nearby and some fences. Some other SS men and guards were walking around. Among the prisoners I saw again some women, maybe the same as in the first dream. They were nervous and frightened. We were preparing to leave and go for a long journey out in the cold. I was worried myself and I walked up to the women and said: "Just don't die on me now, alright?"
I often wished that I would dream about those events again. I would like to know what happened to those prisoners in that winter's night, if they survived the march or not. I would like to know what happened to myself, too. And I really wonder, if that SS officer, who ordered me to kill the prisoners, could really be my father in this life. Now I'm absolutely not sure anymore if that dream was a PL memory or not. I'm a rather sceptical person. But it shocked me so much that it somewhat had changed my life. It's like a secret that I carry with me since then. I'm glad that I could finally share all of this with someone and I'm curious to hear your comments.
Liebe Grüße
All the best to you
WARNING! This might be disturbing!
I was marching uphill on a road that was covered with deep snow. It was dark, it was winter, it was ice-cold and the road led through a forest. At least there were trees on both sides of it, and it was too dark to see anything else. There were no lights, but a lot of snow everywhere and the hill I was climbing up was quite steep. It was exhausting for me to walk on that forest track, uphill through the deep snow. I was wearing heavy boots and a thick coat that was heavy on my shoulders. I knew that I was a man, a quite young one, and a kind of soldier. I was panting, steam came out of my mouth and I was sweating under my coat despite the bitter cold. I knew I was already marching for a long time and I thought: "Oh, my God, I did no expect that there would be such steep mountains in this area here."
I was really astonished about that fact and maybe I even said it aloud because I was not alone. Right before me there was another man marching through the snow. He was wearing the same coat as I did, that grey one with the black belt around the waist, the black boots and a cap. I knew that he was my superior. He was marching rather quickly and I had difficulty with keeping up with him. He was the leader, I followed him, and behind us there were many other people following. They were dressed in some rags, freezing and moaning. I was already exhausted myself, and when I looked behind my shoulder, I wondered how on earth could the people behind us manage to walk through that snow and climb up that hill, if it was even hard for me to do. I did not know how they could stand this march and cold for such a long time. It was already night and it was high time to eventually reach a shelter. I thought that maybe we had taken the wrong path and lost our way. I feared that we all would die in the cold - or even worse, that we would be discovered by enemies, captured or killed!
After a while there was finally a building in sight on the right side of the road. It was something like a big villa or a farmhouse with a courtyard and a wall around it. It was surrounded by trees and forest. We stopped on the road. I was relieved that we had finally found the place where we would stay over night and warm ourselves. The many people who were following us were totally exhausted, some had fallen down to their knees, but others now looked happy and relieved, too. They awaited commands from the man who was my superior. I looked at the house again. It was for sure a bigger house, but it was not that big also. And suddenly it became clear to me that it was probably too small for all the people. There could not possibly be enough room inside for all of them!
And as if he had read my mind the commander said to me: "You see, the house is too small for everyone. And we need it already for ourselves to sleep."
I wondered what that would mean. Did it mean that the people had to sleep outside in the courtyard or in the forest? They would freeze to death!
"We can't take everyone of them into that house", said the commander. "They are too many. But they cannot stay here outside either. We have to get rid of some of them. Take your gun."
I did not understand at first. He took out his gun and I did also because it was a command.
"Shoot them", he ordered then.
He said it calmly, but I was shocked. I could not believe my ears. Now, that they had come this far, walked that long way in the cold and survived it, now these people should be killed? I did not move, because I was just unable to move. I stared at the exhausted people in front of me, who were cowering in the snow. I'm not quite sure here, but I think, that they were only women. They looked back at me in horror. One woman, standing right in the front, had dark, curled hair and a shawl or some cloth wrapped around her head. She clenched her naked, freezing hands together and stared at me with her big, frightened eyes. It was as if she wanted to say something to me, but she didn't.
"Now, what are you waiting for?", asked my superior. "Shoot them down!"
I did not obey. I just could not do that. I held my gun in my hand, but I could not lift my arm. I stared at the frightened people, especially at the women in front of me with her big eyes. Then all of my strength left me and I fell down to my knees. I knew it was over. I had realized that I could never obey that command, and it was unimportant what would happen to me now. I could not do that step.
"I cannot do that", I said quietly.
The commander was standing above me. "What’s the matter?", he asked. "Why can't you kill these people?"
I shook my head and replied: "I feel sorry for them."
Now that I had said this, I thought it would be my ending. I expected the commander to shoot me immediately, to hit me or to punish me in any other way for disobeying the order, or at least to yell at me. I guess, he was older and already taller than myself. And now I was kneeling beside him in the snow, on eye-level with the freezing people before me. I felt so small and helpless, almost like one of them, awaiting my execution. I knew that I would not be able to defend myself. I was so depressed, I had no strength to do anything. And I also did not care anymore. I was ready to die.
But to my surprise the commander did not react the way I had expected. He was not angry. Instead he started to laugh. I looked up at him, I did not understand why he was laughing.
"Oh, come on", he said. "That's childish! Don't make yourself ridiculous! Even my little girl could do that!" He laughed again.
I knew that he was talking about his little daughter. And then something very strange happened. I was confused and felt hurt because he was just laughing at me instead of punishing me. And a thought rushed through my mind in that moment: "Okay", I thought. "Then next time I will be your little girl!"
After that the dream ended. When I woke up in the middle of the night I was shocked. I was sure in that moment that this was a scene from a past life. I concluded immediately that the people dressed in rags were prisoners, and from the grey uniforms I concluded that I was a SS man, and not only a simple soldier, but some higher rank. So the people were prisoners from a concentration camp. That was obvious to me and it was terrible to know. Although I believe in reincarnation, I had never expected anything like that regarding my past lives.
Another thing that disturbed me very much, was the superior SS officer who had laughed at me. When I awoke, I still felt hurt by his reaction, and I don't even know why exactly. I felt like it would have been easier, if he got angry and hit me or shot me or anything. But his laughing was something so offending. It felt so cold and cruel, I almost started to cry about it. I also wondered, why he did not shoot the prisoners himself but ordered me to do it first. And then there was that weird thought I had, that the next time I would be his little girl. What did that mean? Did it mean that this SS man was my father from my present life??? I did not know and I'm not sure about it today. But I felt that in that moment when he had laughed at me, something happened to both of us, something that would connect us, and the thought that I had, was like a decision from my higher self.
I could not sleep for a long time after that dream. I even got up and walked up and down the room in the dark. Finally I managed to fall asleep again. But I was depressed and scared for the next days and weeks.
When I had this dream I did not exactly know why these prisoners had to march in a winter's night through a forest or where they were going. Later I learnt that this must have been one of the death marches that took place at the end of the war, when the camps in the East were evacuated. The prisoners were forced to march to other camps that were further away from the front and the approaching Red Army - but the plan was that most of them should die on the way during the marches, so they were killed or forced into the Baltic Sea and shot. The marches started in winter 1944/45.
I also had some minor dreams that I don't remember that well, but that I could connect to that possible SS past life. They seem to confirm the first memory.
In one dream I was in the kitchen of what appeared to be my home. It was a nice, white room with a large window out to the garden. The kitchen belonged to something like a big, old, wealthy house. I was quarrelling with my mother, or with both of my parents, but I don't know what the quarrel was all about. I just remember that I was angry and in the end I resigned and shouted: "Okay, it's alright, then finally I will go to the SS!"
In another dream I was standing in an office in front of a desk. A man in dark clothes (I don't know if it was a uniform or not) was sitting behind that desk. I had just finished a task that had been assigned to me (I don't remember what it was, maybe just some tiding up or something), and the man was very satisfied with me. He asked, if I already was a member of SS. I said, no. And he replied, that I should really join because I would fit well in there and they would need reliable and hard-working people like me. Though I was somewhat proud that I was able to do a good job for someone like him, I felt reluctant to follow his advice. I felt that I was very young in that scene, younger than in the other dreams I had.
Only some time ago, when I was in a half-sleep early in the morning, I dreamt something similar to the first dream:
I was again the SS officer, wearing again the same grey uniform. It was again winter and everything was covered with snow. There were prisoners standing in rows outside in the cold. It must have been still inside the camp, just in front of the gate. There was a big building nearby and some fences. Some other SS men and guards were walking around. Among the prisoners I saw again some women, maybe the same as in the first dream. They were nervous and frightened. We were preparing to leave and go for a long journey out in the cold. I was worried myself and I walked up to the women and said: "Just don't die on me now, alright?"
I often wished that I would dream about those events again. I would like to know what happened to those prisoners in that winter's night, if they survived the march or not. I would like to know what happened to myself, too. And I really wonder, if that SS officer, who ordered me to kill the prisoners, could really be my father in this life. Now I'm absolutely not sure anymore if that dream was a PL memory or not. I'm a rather sceptical person. But it shocked me so much that it somewhat had changed my life. It's like a secret that I carry with me since then. I'm glad that I could finally share all of this with someone and I'm curious to hear your comments.
Liebe Grüße
All the best to you
) 
In the readings I had with the psychic, it was also said, that I was a compassionate person and tried not to commit any crimes. I wish it was true, but I cannot know for sure. Maybe that was just something I wanted to hear. I'm gonna tell you about that reading in a different post later. 
It is a good relationship. We quarrel only about trivial things now. If we had something to work on from a past life than we probably did it – I hope so. I think he has a more difficult relationship with my mother than with me.
And yes, I would really like to know where that was. But I don't feel any connection to South Germany or Austria. Those regions were always quite uninteresting to me. I have never been there, Bavaria is somewhat like a foreign country to me and I don't understand the language LOL 
And I can understand very well that you don't feel comfortable talking about your familiy background. It would be the same with me, I suppose, if I did not live in Germany. Luckily not everybody has those prejudices (Thank you, Helen 