Glimpses of Jurgen

[Leutnantzursee]

Wow nomadicsoul that was a fascinating, beautiful and eloquent synopsis of your life as Jurgen - thank you for sharing with us :-) Gosh, I feel like I resonate with you over the 'gay' issue in those days! I have a feeling, I was bit scared of girls (attracted, but also unsure) and I definitely got crushes on my male colleagues, so I think Emil was at least bi-sexual. Whether I ever physically expressed those tendencies, I really don't know, but they were there. I really felt what you said about 'homosexuals' back then being equated with effeminacy, so I can understand why perhaps I tired to channel those more sexual urges towards men, into 'romantic' friendships and no doubt thought it was simply 'manly' adoration of the 'hero'. Thanks - that was a real help in clarifying some things for me :-)

You were of that older generation who having remembered the treaty of Versailes, had reason to be bitter. It must have been a strange journey for you, absorbing Nazism as it unfolded and being sucked in, the willing victim. I was born in 1921, so was of the Hitler Youth generation, it was what I lived and breathed and I had no dispute with it, perhaps at the end though after my disabled sister was taken by the authorities into a T4 'clinic', things changed. Your memories are so vivid and you translate them so well. :-) It must have been so much the unraveling of a dream for your generation, for us, I think we would have fought to the bitter end, we were that indoctrinated into being 'Aryan knights'. I think we all face this ghost of disillusionment in this life time too, I know I do, one of the reasons I have no faith in 'party' politics and present trends give me no cause to think otherwise! We know on a soul level that men are corrupt when given absolute power, and are capable of mass manipulation, the Nazis were experts in it. Yet for my beloved 'Fatherland' I would have done anything I'm sure, that was the abiding and often solid tenet of Nazism that I think always stayed with me, the Germanic myths, the ancestry, the bond of blood and land. Heck, I still well-up watching Hitler's address in 'Triumph of will' when he spoke about the eternal bond of the land and folk! How we believed we were the gracious knights of Germania - locked in a struggle with the rest of the world, 'us' against 'them'. I think in this life, at least for me, its stayed with me and made me insular and I'm still not always comfortable with my fellow countrymen here in England, but chat to a German and I light up!

Again, thanks for sharing nomadicsoul - I felt I was with you :-)

[Laurasia]

Hello Nomadicsoul.

Thank you so much for sharing your recollections of Jurgen's life with us. I can definitely relate to quite a bit of what you've written here. Though Hans was born 9 years after Jurgen I still remember the depression, the Treaty after WWI, getting swept up in everything, etc. Most especially though, I remember that deep disillusion that you've mentioned.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[Demi]

Oct 17, 2012 16:09:06 GMT -5 nomadicsoul said:

-Towards the end of my life, I was beaten down, hopeless, depressed. I hated Hitler, and Himmler even more. I knew that those who took part in the "Final Solution" would be murdered too, before it was all over. Jew, Catholic, POW, SS, Wehrmacht, we would all be met with the same fate sooner or later. I remember feeling that the brass didn't give one damn about the soldiers who were doing their dirty work for them. Nor did they care about the country. Whatever they were doing was for their own personal gain. Germany was screwed and would be left in tatters after this, in far worse shape than it had ever been before. I and all the people I cared about- my men, my family, my friends- would all be dead before this was all over. Had I not been executed, it's very likely that I'd have shot myself. All I can remember is feeling loss and desperation. Disillusionment.

You said it, SO TRUE!