Post by gwida on Oct 5, 2011 3:54:59 GMT -5
This is the "revelation" I had with the help of an amazing friend. First I blogged about it. Then I thought -- thick-headed me: "Hey! Why don't I put down what I wrote here?!" And so I am! ;D
... For the love of god, please no body take this the wrong way! Especially at the end! *Shudders*
You may be asking me: "What's so great that there is to be happy about an SS past life?" well, I suppose it's the things one learns really from that life as a whole -- not just from one aspect of it and completely disregarding the other, equally important aspects.
And how was thick-headed me able to do this? I have an amazing friend, who's lived many, many lives and possess great insight that was able to "see" flashes of my PL's and tell me of them (not told me off for them!!!)
Here's what she received:
-->I am a young soul
-->I have had only 4 past lives that she was able to pick up on
-->I was predominantly male
-->I first entered earth around the 1600's
-->I did not live to any old age in most of my PL's (young deaths were largely predominant)
-->I still have lots to learn
-->This life time, I will live to at least my mid 60's (you can imagine how gutted I was if I was so used to dying before the ages of 30)
-->I got killed for following orders -- I did as I was told was right, but paid the price with my life
-->I had Jewish ancestry
-->I was hanged as a traitor by the Nazis and had the sign "traitor" hanged around my neck
Here's some details I was able to get out of my thick skull -- in "chronological order" of my life:
I was a Polish boy growing up in a strange land. My family had emigrated from Poland some time ago -- I don't know how many generations ago -- but I still feel like we had maintained a lot of our customs/traditions and possibly Jewish festivities. However, I also got a "Catholic" feeling come up -- perhaps this was who I pretended to be, and so thoroughly believed -- later on in life?
I believe I was born in southern Bavaria towards the end of WWI (c. 1916...?). Our family owned a farm -- a fairly small, private farm in the countryside. I don't think we lived near any major towns/cities -- at least not close enough by the transportation standards of those times. I was a farmer's son, growing up and helping my father on the farm. The farm we lived on, I cannot remember what it grew. But I think what I see in my mind's eye is a white building, almost like it was white plaster covered, with a dark brownish-blackish roof... You know, the "classical" Bavarian type of windows. I think it was a two-level building. We had a dusty driveway that sloped up to our house which was situated on a small raised level of land. As I look at the house, I see from it's left side as one entered the house, a wooden fence. Either directly behind this fence or directly in front is a large, ancient apple tree. I believe we had two drought horses -- both dapple grey with whitish spots and dark manes -- that were still used in harness, perhaps to either pull the wagon we had, or the plough? There were also some ducks that came to visit us in the front yard.
I had a darling, cheerful six year old sister. I cannot remember how old I was when she was born, but I have the feeling that the last time I saw her was before I left the farm... and she pushed over a fence that was very unstable! My sister, was pale-skinned, had large, innocent rich brown eyes that seemed to envelope the whole world and you if you looked into her eyes. Her hair was straight, waist length and a rich, dark chestnut/hazelnut colour. I believe I was 17 when she pushed over the fence [I'm still unsure about our age difference, but I felt it was large. At least 10 years]. Shortly after that, I felt I left the farm.
In my entire PL, I felt all I wanted was simply to "do well in life". I just wanted to help out. I felt like the reason I joined the SS -- if this was one of the main reasons -- was because we desperately needed the money. I doubt I knew what I really was getting myself into. I cannot recall any form of education at university level -- perhaps I joined the SS after I was well into my course, or had to drop out due to financial reasons. Or perhaps I never had the opportunity due to my low status. I can't remember at the moment.
My last name was a huge give-away, and I believe it was Mailowski -- a Polish surname through and through. Once I was in the SS, I felt I somehow ended up in the Totenkopfverbände -- specifically in the tank division that went due East towards Moscow. I feel like he wasn't high up in the rank -- I don't even know if it particularly bothered him. I suppose not, but his superiors did (as all superiors do) because of their attitude or personalities. I still feel that the number "25" was significant. Perhaps this is the closest I will get to his age of death -- but I sure as hell will be p*ss*d off if it was "27" due to it's bloody enigmatic connotations circulating at the moment!!!
I have a need for slandering Josef Mengele in this lifetime -- and I began wondering if I had met the guy in my PL whilst in the SS. I thought it could be possible -- if we were in the same division going East. My friend also picked up that I had "definitely worked under him" after I sent her my poem I wrote about him. There was a 5 year age difference between us and I don't think we got along too well -- either that or he was coldly indifferent, always busy, rushing around. I can't remember what I was doing -- possibly just bombing Soviet troops from several tanks, like all tankers do, because they have nothing better to do. I don't think we knew each other for too long -- 1 to 3 years comes to mind -- but I think it was enough to settle once and for all "where we were" (dunno... maybe I slapped him across the face once or something...? LOL, a full-on lion b*tch slap: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfYqDjDtjbQ&feature=related The b*tch slap swings into full moment at 00:14. If this part annoyed anyone, please ignore this if you decide for whatever reason to re-read this blimmin' post again).
I believe it was near Moscow (how close to Moscow, I don't know), and possibly during the winter/approaching winter (or maybe not...?) when I got hanged. I believe I was hanged with several other "partisans" although I can't recall if I was "with them" or not. I believe I was a traitor. My friend believe that me being Jewish had something to do with it. So I sat down, scratched my head, and thought up of an answer to this.
I think: I went into the SS, didn't tell them I had some Jewish ancestry, finally got caught out near Moscow and hung as an example in front of the German army (my division anyway) of what happens to "traitors"*. I don't think Mengele ordered my execution along with those others. [Update] --He was following orders from higher up and had no choice as I was a blood traitor.-- I do think he witnessed it though, and I don't think he handled it that well afterwards**. Perhaps this was just one of his many "just another brick in the wall" which helped contribute to his PTSD? This last part I've gotten "off the top of my head" without trying to over-think the concept. [Update] --I also got the feeling in the uni library whilst I was with my friend, that after I died, I may have not "completely" crossed over. I think I may have followed Mengele around for a while, and witnessed what he was doing in the camps. This could explain my Auschwitz dream (I found my "records"!!!bit.ly/o9NRA3) and why I felt like I was there "in spirit".--
[Update] --My family decided to flee to Russia. My sister died first, whilst en route, followed by the death of my family. Whether they were any of the people I know in this life (I'm thinking part of my biological family), I don't know, but I feel a rift at the moment, so I'm guessing no. My mum would be the strongest contender of a PL family member, but the closest PL incarnation I can point her towards is I'm guessing... 19th century France, and she was a wealthy woman and a great painter (apparently).--
And that is my life story as I remember it so far. It's short, just like my PL. It has meaning -- those which I shall reflect on but not at 23:19 when I need to get up at 06:45 tomorrow! If I get any brainwaves, I'll keep updating this post. For now, I can conclude that I was young, I was stupid, I was naive, and I paid with my life. I learned it's value the hard way.
Too all those of you d**ch*b*gs who are willing to join the army to become f*ck*ng grunts -- think again! You'll be on the front line -- indispensable and treated like sh*t. In my opinion it would be better to think of another way to die...
... unless you're into big tanks, of course.
*I genuinely believe I was just that thick. Knowing myself in this lifetime, there have been moments when I've literally forgot to tell someone something because it never crossed my mind as important or "slipped my mind". Hip-hip hooray for thick-headed d**ch*b*gs. >.>
**I hate to tell you this dear readers, but Mengele, uh ... wasn't... the straightest plank in the stack. He bent both ways. (Apparently that's something else my friend picked up on: "Mengele was twisted in more than one way") I nearly had a breakdown in the uni library (as you can imagine). FFS... T_T
My "Mengele" poem I wrote last year on Halloween.* I seriously am not the type of person to go out and celebrate Halloween, so I wasn't trying to make this look all "mystical" or anything by writing it on that specific date.
*Had an "inspirational" moment. God damn it! I wanted to go "trick-or-treat"-ing!
31/10/2010
The Riddle[/b]
Perverted character,
grimacing smile,
pity the human being,
who has never known love as a child.
Twisted mind,
he'll twist you too,
killing releases him no joy,
as to others it would do.
Two-faced outcome,
which one is best:
to burn in an inferno,
or be slowly killed?
Some call him an Angel,
others Death.
How can one human being,
commit so many barbaric sins?[/i]
... For the love of god, please no body take this the wrong way! Especially at the end! *Shudders*
You may be asking me: "What's so great that there is to be happy about an SS past life?" well, I suppose it's the things one learns really from that life as a whole -- not just from one aspect of it and completely disregarding the other, equally important aspects.
And how was thick-headed me able to do this? I have an amazing friend, who's lived many, many lives and possess great insight that was able to "see" flashes of my PL's and tell me of them (not told me off for them!!!)
Here's what she received:
-->I am a young soul
-->I have had only 4 past lives that she was able to pick up on
-->I was predominantly male
-->I first entered earth around the 1600's
-->I did not live to any old age in most of my PL's (young deaths were largely predominant)
-->I still have lots to learn
-->This life time, I will live to at least my mid 60's (you can imagine how gutted I was if I was so used to dying before the ages of 30)
-->I got killed for following orders -- I did as I was told was right, but paid the price with my life
-->I had Jewish ancestry
-->I was hanged as a traitor by the Nazis and had the sign "traitor" hanged around my neck
Here's some details I was able to get out of my thick skull -- in "chronological order" of my life:
I was a Polish boy growing up in a strange land. My family had emigrated from Poland some time ago -- I don't know how many generations ago -- but I still feel like we had maintained a lot of our customs/traditions and possibly Jewish festivities. However, I also got a "Catholic" feeling come up -- perhaps this was who I pretended to be, and so thoroughly believed -- later on in life?
I believe I was born in southern Bavaria towards the end of WWI (c. 1916...?). Our family owned a farm -- a fairly small, private farm in the countryside. I don't think we lived near any major towns/cities -- at least not close enough by the transportation standards of those times. I was a farmer's son, growing up and helping my father on the farm. The farm we lived on, I cannot remember what it grew. But I think what I see in my mind's eye is a white building, almost like it was white plaster covered, with a dark brownish-blackish roof... You know, the "classical" Bavarian type of windows. I think it was a two-level building. We had a dusty driveway that sloped up to our house which was situated on a small raised level of land. As I look at the house, I see from it's left side as one entered the house, a wooden fence. Either directly behind this fence or directly in front is a large, ancient apple tree. I believe we had two drought horses -- both dapple grey with whitish spots and dark manes -- that were still used in harness, perhaps to either pull the wagon we had, or the plough? There were also some ducks that came to visit us in the front yard.
I had a darling, cheerful six year old sister. I cannot remember how old I was when she was born, but I have the feeling that the last time I saw her was before I left the farm... and she pushed over a fence that was very unstable! My sister, was pale-skinned, had large, innocent rich brown eyes that seemed to envelope the whole world and you if you looked into her eyes. Her hair was straight, waist length and a rich, dark chestnut/hazelnut colour. I believe I was 17 when she pushed over the fence [I'm still unsure about our age difference, but I felt it was large. At least 10 years]. Shortly after that, I felt I left the farm.
In my entire PL, I felt all I wanted was simply to "do well in life". I just wanted to help out. I felt like the reason I joined the SS -- if this was one of the main reasons -- was because we desperately needed the money. I doubt I knew what I really was getting myself into. I cannot recall any form of education at university level -- perhaps I joined the SS after I was well into my course, or had to drop out due to financial reasons. Or perhaps I never had the opportunity due to my low status. I can't remember at the moment.
My last name was a huge give-away, and I believe it was Mailowski -- a Polish surname through and through. Once I was in the SS, I felt I somehow ended up in the Totenkopfverbände -- specifically in the tank division that went due East towards Moscow. I feel like he wasn't high up in the rank -- I don't even know if it particularly bothered him. I suppose not, but his superiors did (as all superiors do) because of their attitude or personalities. I still feel that the number "25" was significant. Perhaps this is the closest I will get to his age of death -- but I sure as hell will be p*ss*d off if it was "27" due to it's bloody enigmatic connotations circulating at the moment!!!
I have a need for slandering Josef Mengele in this lifetime -- and I began wondering if I had met the guy in my PL whilst in the SS. I thought it could be possible -- if we were in the same division going East. My friend also picked up that I had "definitely worked under him" after I sent her my poem I wrote about him. There was a 5 year age difference between us and I don't think we got along too well -- either that or he was coldly indifferent, always busy, rushing around. I can't remember what I was doing -- possibly just bombing Soviet troops from several tanks, like all tankers do, because they have nothing better to do. I don't think we knew each other for too long -- 1 to 3 years comes to mind -- but I think it was enough to settle once and for all "where we were" (dunno... maybe I slapped him across the face once or something...? LOL, a full-on lion b*tch slap: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfYqDjDtjbQ&feature=related The b*tch slap swings into full moment at 00:14. If this part annoyed anyone, please ignore this if you decide for whatever reason to re-read this blimmin' post again).
I believe it was near Moscow (how close to Moscow, I don't know), and possibly during the winter/approaching winter (or maybe not...?) when I got hanged. I believe I was hanged with several other "partisans" although I can't recall if I was "with them" or not. I believe I was a traitor. My friend believe that me being Jewish had something to do with it. So I sat down, scratched my head, and thought up of an answer to this.
I think: I went into the SS, didn't tell them I had some Jewish ancestry, finally got caught out near Moscow and hung as an example in front of the German army (my division anyway) of what happens to "traitors"*. I don't think Mengele ordered my execution along with those others. [Update] --He was following orders from higher up and had no choice as I was a blood traitor.-- I do think he witnessed it though, and I don't think he handled it that well afterwards**. Perhaps this was just one of his many "just another brick in the wall" which helped contribute to his PTSD? This last part I've gotten "off the top of my head" without trying to over-think the concept. [Update] --I also got the feeling in the uni library whilst I was with my friend, that after I died, I may have not "completely" crossed over. I think I may have followed Mengele around for a while, and witnessed what he was doing in the camps. This could explain my Auschwitz dream (I found my "records"!!!bit.ly/o9NRA3) and why I felt like I was there "in spirit".--
[Update] --My family decided to flee to Russia. My sister died first, whilst en route, followed by the death of my family. Whether they were any of the people I know in this life (I'm thinking part of my biological family), I don't know, but I feel a rift at the moment, so I'm guessing no. My mum would be the strongest contender of a PL family member, but the closest PL incarnation I can point her towards is I'm guessing... 19th century France, and she was a wealthy woman and a great painter (apparently).--
And that is my life story as I remember it so far. It's short, just like my PL. It has meaning -- those which I shall reflect on but not at 23:19 when I need to get up at 06:45 tomorrow! If I get any brainwaves, I'll keep updating this post. For now, I can conclude that I was young, I was stupid, I was naive, and I paid with my life. I learned it's value the hard way.
Too all those of you d**ch*b*gs who are willing to join the army to become f*ck*ng grunts -- think again! You'll be on the front line -- indispensable and treated like sh*t. In my opinion it would be better to think of another way to die...
... unless you're into big tanks, of course.
*I genuinely believe I was just that thick. Knowing myself in this lifetime, there have been moments when I've literally forgot to tell someone something because it never crossed my mind as important or "slipped my mind". Hip-hip hooray for thick-headed d**ch*b*gs. >.>
**I hate to tell you this dear readers, but Mengele, uh ... wasn't... the straightest plank in the stack. He bent both ways. (Apparently that's something else my friend picked up on: "Mengele was twisted in more than one way") I nearly had a breakdown in the uni library (as you can imagine). FFS... T_T
My "Mengele" poem I wrote last year on Halloween.* I seriously am not the type of person to go out and celebrate Halloween, so I wasn't trying to make this look all "mystical" or anything by writing it on that specific date.
*Had an "inspirational" moment. God damn it! I wanted to go "trick-or-treat"-ing!
31/10/2010
The Riddle[/b]
Perverted character,
grimacing smile,
pity the human being,
who has never known love as a child.
Twisted mind,
he'll twist you too,
killing releases him no joy,
as to others it would do.
Two-faced outcome,
which one is best:
to burn in an inferno,
or be slowly killed?
Some call him an Angel,
others Death.
How can one human being,
commit so many barbaric sins?[/i]